After a period of "normal" behavior, I "forget" just how bad...

[deux soeurs]

My dBPD sister is 60... . When she is angry at me, her younger sis, she will:  send friend requests to my Facebook friends, some with private messages.  These are people she has never met but I have shared things about some with my sis in happier times.  She will message my boyfriend that she has never met.  She will tell people my BF is violent and is stalking me and that she is worried he will "kill" me.  She also stresses that she is worried about my safety.  This is nonsense as he is not or never has been violent.  She makes it drama about her... . She will sign me up for junk mail and spam.  Text and/or email very long messages until she realizes I am not answering.  She posts things on other public websites and embellishes facts, leaves out important information... . flat out lies.  She expresses in these posts that she is doing the behavior I do.  An example is I told her she doesn't understand boundaries.  She then will post that I don't understand boundaries.  There is so much more.  She had shattered my trust almost 20 years ago, however, whenever there is a period of "normal" behavior, I get sucked in and "forget" just how sick she is.  Thanks for listening... .   

[lostincolo]

I'm no expert, in fact I'm fairly new to this but some things I've learned I will share with you.  Yes it does sound like typical BPD behavior. These people like to compartmentalize relationships.  Telling different people different things and trying to keep them separate from each other.  This way she finds validation from people since they aren't hearing both sides. 

I also know BPD people have a fear of abandonment.  Many times when people they are close to get into relationships they try to sabotage them for fear that their support person will abandon them for their new love.

Lastly her using your information against you is projecting, another thing they are known for doing.  It's called "gaslighting".  The way they see it is that what you see as a problem is actually your problem and the issues the BPD person experiences are also, you guessed it , your problem!  Fun right?

I will let others chime in on tools and strategies to help you through it because I'm well versed in those yet.  I'm just getting to know the behavior myself.

[deux soeurs]

Thank you lostincolo.  You make sense... . She has cyberfriends that onlu hear her version.  It helps to validate her... . This illness is so complex... .

 

[HappyChappy]

lostincolo is spot on here. In short, pinklipstick  the behaviour you describe is all very narcisstic. Projection, black and white thinking, the lot. In order to diagnose someone as pathalogical, you realy need to know them well. However, that's irrelevant here - as the behaviour you describe is very narcisstic and unhealthy for you. Not something anyone should have to suffer.

I would say the saving grace here, is that your sister is leaving a trail of evidence. My bro is a covert narcassit, rather than BPD - so he does many of the things you mention , but he uses false ID's. So you can never be 100% sure it's him. I have been LC with him, and now am NC. Works great. My BPD mom, is similiar to your sister, and I've only had e-mail contact with her for the last 6 months. There was a flory of activity on Facebook etc... . but that has now dies down. Basically, BPD need daily narcisstic supply, so if they lose it with you , they will latch onto someone else. They don't realy care who - just so long as they get the right attention.

So the real question is, what are you going to do about it ? No contact, low contact or train yourself to deal with her differently ?

[deux soeurs]

Happychappy thank you for the validation.  Something I am not used to with sis.  The problem now is with me.  A long time ago she shared with me a chat forum she posts on.  When she shared it it was almost making fun of the posters and their problems.  It was like "hey check is out... . she's crazy... . read what she wrote etc".  She told me her screen name and every now and then I went on... . not sure why but then I started seeing posts about my family and myself.  I shared this with my brother who shares the same view on my sis.  My bro and I kind of got "addicted" to reading her stuff.  It consisted of fantasy, half truths etc.  My sis obviously forgot she shared her screen name with me and to this day, my brother and I read her stuff.  She is a writer, a very good one but most stuff is what you say, projection, drama.  The thing I never realized until now is how narcissistic she is and yes these forums are her supply.  Yet another BPD/NPD thing I learned today.  Thank you!