Are you scared of your BPDSO?

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Hi Loosetrife,

I'm usually on another board, so I will be careful in what I say, but I couldn't resist the urge to reply based on what happened to me…once an incredibly strong, confident, and UNafraid of anything woman.

He was my superman, who would guard me fearlessly and forever.  He was my ultimate protector…until the day he wasn't.  

The heightened state of anxiety crept up on me over the years.  I NEVER noticed it.  I felt busy and never felt well-rested.  He never hit me.  In 2013 an escalated rage resulted in him smashing my skull in and my needing 12 stitches.  I blamed myself!  "I" apologized.  When I asked him if he was going to apologize for cracking my skull in he told me I have a very bad memory and didn't remember things correctly.  

There are a few personality disorders that fall into the ":)angerous" category for a reason…they are!  Tune in to your anxiety and fear.  Tell a friend, tell your doctor, tell someone if you are scared.  Fear should not be present in our relationships.  Safety is paramount.  Sending you hope and hugs.

[Hope0807]

Hi Loosetrife,

I'm usually on another board, so I will be careful in what I say, but I couldn't resist the urge to reply based on what happened to me…once an incredibly strong, confident, and UNafraid of anything woman.

He was my superman, who would guard me fearlessly and forever.  He was my ultimate protector…until the day he wasn't.  

The heightened state of anxiety crept up on me over the years.  I NEVER noticed it.  I felt busy and never felt well-rested.  He never hit me.  In 2013 an escalated rage resulted in him smashing my skull in and my needing 12 stitches.  I blamed myself!  "I" apologized.  When I asked him if he was going to apologize for cracking my skull in he told me I have a very bad memory and didn't remember things correctly.  

There are a few personality disorders that fall into the ":)angerous" category for a reason…they are!  Tune in to your anxiety and fear.  Tell a friend, tell your doctor, tell someone if you are scared.  Fear should not be present in our relationships.  Safety is paramount.  Sending you hope and hugs.

[Loosestrife]

Fear was a huge issue in my relationship with my uBPDexgf. I usually post on [L3] because our relationship is over. However, this topic resonated with me. I was certainly afraid of my ex. But not really because of rages. I was fearful of her withholding affection. I was fearful of her passive aggression. I was scared of the silent treatment. I hope some of you can relate to that sort of fear.

Hi Reecer

I can relate to this and its all types of emotional abuse. It hurts so much. Then you let them back in emotionally when they are being nice and then the abuse happens all over again. ITs difficult when your SO blames the BPD.

Smileypants- please take care

Hope - I'm really sorry you went through this. Thank you for sharing your experience. It's certainly make me think.

[Tim300]

Yes, I am scared of my (now ex) BPDfiancee.  Her flashes of intending to inflict emotional pain on others and on me was quite terrifying.  Also, towards the end of the failed engagement she attacked me physically, threatening to "bludgeon" me to death in the middle of the night, and threatened to end my career (which I worked very, very hard for).  I have dealt with this by going NC and crossing my fingers to never hear from her again. 

[Loosestrife]

Tim, that's pretty scarey stuff. It sound like you did the only thing upu could to stay safe

[cloudten]

Yes, I am scared of my (now ex) BPDfiancee.  Her flashes of intending to inflict emotional pain on others and on me was quite terrifying.  Also, towards the end of the failed engagement she attacked me physically, threatening to "bludgeon" me to death in the middle of the night, and threatened to end my career (which I worked very, very hard for).  I have dealt with this by going NC and crossing my fingers to never hear from her again. 

WOW.  I can so relate. Mine gave me a flash this morning of that physical aggression side. I teased him about being late for his breakfast meeting (his is always late... .always). and he, although teasing, wound up a fist and said "how about a black eye?"  what the heck kind of response was that... .threatening physical violence over nothing.  But stuff like this comes in these flashes... .just like you said... it's like momentary lapse in judgement/appropriate responses.

Anymore, I have become kind of numb to his sort of "teasing"... .but I do remain scared.

[Loosestrife]

Cloudten - I don't even joke with my SO anymore in case it gets taken in the wrong way

[Smileypants]

I try not talk at all so it's not taken the wrong way.  I all try not make any faces or have any type of tone in my voice, because they all can be taken the wrong way.  I almost feel like not talking, but when I do that it gets taken the wrong way too.  It is very frustrating and sad. Feeling trapped here, and everything is screwed up financially, talking about finance is a constant issue day care is expensive, he doesn't have to worry about daycare. I'm daycare. sorry for the rant.

[cloudten]

I try not talk at all so it's not taken the wrong way.  I all try not make any faces or have any type of tone in my voice, because they all can be taken the wrong way.  I almost feel like not talking, but when I do that it gets taken the wrong way too.  It is very frustrating and sad. Feeling trapped here, and everything is screwed up financially, talking about finance is a constant issue day care is expensive, he doesn't have to worry about daycare. I'm daycare. sorry for the rant.

Me too... . but the fact of the matter is that we shouldn't be afraid of joking or talking or facial expressions AT ALL. Its a subtle form of manipulation and emotional abuse. Yes, we are choosing to do it to make our lives easier NOW, however, its not healthy for us to be stiffling who we are as people just to avoid a conflict in the long run!  I can't judge as I am the worst of us all. .

I am resolved to forever be myself as much as I can... . which means I am a smart a$$. I know very well that when I am not myself and I am forced to conform to someone else's desires, I become stuck, trapped, and unhappy.

Smileypants (haha... . love that)... . you are in the right place here... . and with people who understand and have the same rant.