Details might change but the big picture is the same and its all about dysfunction.
Yes. Facing and accepting this goes a long way towards detaching/healing.
Their dysfunction
and ours. Breaking free of as many bad patterns as possible.
Anything more specific you can share about what helped you turn the corner?
Time was a big factor.
I suppose there was a moment when I realized that when I stayed after the things that happened, I was trying to prove something to myself. I was playing her triangulation game because I'm just competitive but have poor self esteem hence trying to prove to myself I was worthy. Its a bit sick when you think about it. All the while I was attracted to the chaos.
Plus years of rejection and countless literature and whatnot taught me I have no right to expect loyalty from an intimate partner, because that's just how it works.
I still have a hard time with this because even though people say "I've never cheated" or "I stick by my partner" I either think that this person has earned it or the one talking is of little value themselves as in "where would you have gone anyway?" But who knows.
Point is, I have little trust in people and believe that even those who are "close" to me see me as expendable. In nature human life is expendable, so I get into these relationships because I don't see it playing out any other way. I just assume that this type of behavior is the norm.
Maybe it isn't so. Maybe I'm wrong and something and someone better is out there. But I always cycle back to whether I am worthy of this. I'm stuck and I might keep making the same mistakes if I don't get unstuck.