Read this and it helped

[Depression = 72% of members]

For anyone struggling today. Try reading this article and see if it doesn't strike a cord.

https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/2014/12/29/why-do-we-stay-dismantling-stereotypes-about-abuse-survivors/

"

Due to the potential infidelity, manipulation, put-downs, gaslighting and deception abuse survivors endured throughout their relationships, cognitive dissonance about who the abuser is, as well as a sense of incessant doubt, survivors may lack a sense of closure and certainty about ending an abusive relationship.  Understandably, many abuse victims don’t wish to let their abusers move onto the next victim after terrorizing them, because they fear that the next person might be treated better, thereby confirming their own sense of worthlessness that was instilled by the abuser in the first place. They may also have an unending sense of needing a real “apology”  or seeing karma at work before they feel they can truly let go."

This paragraph really resonated for me. I hope it can help someone else.

[hope2727]

For anyone struggling today. Try reading this article and see if it doesn't strike a cord.

https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/2014/12/29/why-do-we-stay-dismantling-stereotypes-about-abuse-survivors/

"

Due to the potential infidelity, manipulation, put-downs, gaslighting and deception abuse survivors endured throughout their relationships, cognitive dissonance about who the abuser is, as well as a sense of incessant doubt, survivors may lack a sense of closure and certainty about ending an abusive relationship.  Understandably, many abuse victims don’t wish to let their abusers move onto the next victim after terrorizing them, because they fear that the next person might be treated better, thereby confirming their own sense of worthlessness that was instilled by the abuser in the first place. They may also have an unending sense of needing a real “apology”  or seeing karma at work before they feel they can truly let go."

This paragraph really resonated for me. I hope it can help someone else.

[dobie]

For anyone struggling today. Try reading this article and see if it doesn't strike a cord.

https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/2014/12/29/why-do-we-stay-dismantling-stereotypes-about-abuse-survivors/

"

Due to the potential infidelity, manipulation, put-downs, gaslighting and deception abuse survivors endured throughout their relationships, cognitive dissonance about who the abuser is, as well as a sense of incessant doubt, survivors may lack a sense of closure and certainty about ending an abusive relationship.  Understandably, many abuse victims don’t wish to let their abusers move onto the next victim after terrorizing them, because they fear that the next person might be treated better, thereby confirming their own sense of worthlessness that was instilled by the abuser in the first place. They may also have an unending sense of needing a real “apology”  or seeing karma at work before they feel they can truly let go."

This paragraph really resonated for me. I hope it can help someone else.

Wow thanks hope so spot on for me in so many ways 

[LimboFL]

Thank you VERY much for sharing that Hope. It wraps everything we have an continue to go through into a concise and concentrated nutshell. Critical affirmation that what we are all going through is "normal". Thanks again.

[Irish Pride]

For anyone struggling today. Try reading this article and see if it doesn't strike a cord.

https://selfcarehaven.wordpress.com/2014/12/29/why-do-we-stay-dismantling-stereotypes-about-abuse-survivors/

"

Due to the potential infidelity, manipulation, put-downs, gaslighting and deception abuse survivors endured throughout their relationships, cognitive dissonance about who the abuser is, as well as a sense of incessant doubt, survivors may lack a sense of closure and certainty about ending an abusive relationship.  Understandably, many abuse victims don’t wish to let their abusers move onto the next victim after terrorizing them, because they fear that the next person might be treated better, thereby confirming their own sense of worthlessness that was instilled by the abuser in the first place. They may also have an unending sense of needing a real “apology”  or seeing karma at work before they feel they can truly let go."

This paragraph really resonated for me. I hope it can help someone else.

It did for me too. Scarily, in fact. On one hand, I will NEVER go back to her and HOPE to never talk to her again, and on the other, I still feel the pain, long for the great memories and can't wrap my head around why. I'm in constant battle with myself. The head vs. the heart. It did help, for a bit last night, when I actually talked out loud to myself and went through the laundry list of why she is toxic and I am 100% better off without her. This am, it feels like I was just trying to kid myself.

Thank you for the article. This was a great read. This is my favorite quote

After the ending of an abusive relationship, survivors have the great privilege of uncovering their past traumas and the trauma they’ve just experienced and begin to work through them. The ending of this relationship is actually a golden opportunity to heal from the wounds that were never healed in the first place. The fear of being left alone with the pain has been overcome – the survivor now has the space and time to independently act, think and feel outside of the toxic dynamics of the previous relationship.

This is why, to me, the NC rule is so important. A wound will never heal if you keep picking at the scab.