self efficacy and self esteem

[once removed]

https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/self-identity-problems/

here are the bullet points of the two.

with regard to self esteem:

• Do you like yourself?



• Are you good at anything useful?

 

 

with regard to self efficacy:

• Do you believe you have control over the important aspects of your life?



• Are you "stuck" in a situation you don’t like but can’t leave? Why do you think that is the case?



• Are you a weak person? In what way? Why is that?

personally i struggle with issues of self efficacy. its only very recently that ive put a label to it that makes sense. the link mentions that self efficacy is domain specific and that rang a bell. there are several important areas in which im confident though try to remain humble. there are several, maybe more, important areas over which i feel either weak or powerless. its easy for me to see where this creates a pattern of learned helplessness. its also easy for me to see where that could manifest in a relationship with a pwBPD. personally it provided me some illusion of control. it also fed some need to believe i had it together and she didnt.

keeping it in the family, there is this lesson with regard to self efficacy:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=78298.0

how do you relate? where do you fall in?

[Circle]

Replying to your post, not your articles.

I know what you mean about trying to stay humble in certain areas. And, then, weak/lacking self-efficacy and having learned helplessness in others.

When I hear myself talking about it, it sounds kind of NPD. The back&forth, up&down, instability of it.

I struggle with feeling helpless in my relationships, in regard to whether or not I will find lasting, real love, ever.

I can also relate to comparing myself to the BPD, so that I look better; which from what I understand is also a co-dependency habit.

I've lost love before though. It's not my first time. And, not the first time that I loved the other person more than they did me; visible through their lack of efforts. So, surviving this situation and others like it has given me the self-efficacy to know that I can survive it again if I have to. Which gives me the courage to love. But it's not easy.

Definitely feeling heart-broken at the moment.

I will survive.

[once removed]

hey circle, thanks for replying.

i dont think recognizing our strengths and acknowledging them, as well as our faults and limitations, in and of itself sounds npd. i think its a balance. from a religious perspective, its a sin to think too much of ourselves; to think we are special, to chalk up our accomplishments, gifts, talents, etc, to anything but god. i think it can be the same when we dont recognize our value, that we are loveable, and born with gifts and talents from god; and as a result fail to use them. i think low self efficacy isnt much different than self esteem in that regard. but it does explain, for me, why im not living up to my potential.

"I struggle with feeling helpless in my relationships, in regard to whether or not I will find lasting, real love, ever."

im not sure if ive read your back story, but you may have heard something along the lines now of a BPD relationship being one of the single greatest opportunities to examine and work on yourself, and its true. i dont feel ive had a loving, healthy relationship, BPD or not, so i can relate. but does it make sense that you might, as a result, be closer than ever before? thats how i feel. i think most of my life i could tell you what a healthy relationship is on paper, but ive consciously chosen relationships i was inclined not to get into. another example, and i could go deeper, of low self efficacy.

"I've lost love before though. It's not my first time. And, not the first time that I loved the other person more than they did me;"

i feel i went through a personal evolution in each relationship... .if not an evolution of relationships in general. i became emotionally stronger, more sure of what i wanted, didnt want, and closer to firm boundaries, particularly in the BPD relationship. maybe thats even something of a gift of low self efficacy? i felt i deserved better than my BPD relationship, i often had a foot out the door, though i stayed. it reinforced the concept of trusting myself and my gut. kinda like id taken the test a few times, but had yet to learn the lesson. and on many levels, i still do, but i think progress has been made. part of the mistake i was making is i felt i had to keep showing up until i passed the test. accepting my limitations in that regard has been healing.

"So, surviving this situation and others like it has given me the self-efficacy to know that I can survive it again if I have to."

part of what im aiming at. this is not a grandiose concept. its not painting your ex black or seeing yourself as better. its trusting yourself and your will to live and love. youve been tested, and survived.

":)efinitely feeling heart-broken at the moment."

hang in there   how far out are you?

[Circle]

Hello,

Thanks for your reply also. I am less than a year out. I'm fine. All is well. I'm starting to adjust.

Have a good week,

circle