Free at last

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

14 months ago, my toxic bond with a Bpd/ Npd / Psychopath person ended on his terms.

My heart was shattered into a million pieces. I lost my friends, lost my identity and he even made me move to another country.

14 months ago, I thought I would never be fine again. Never.

When people said it gets better, I thought "but they don't know what our "love" was like." How can I ever heal from such a broken heart.

I went NC for 6 months. Now I think it was more of a silent treatment rather than NC. I literally checked my phone every five minutes to see if there was a message from him or if he had changed his Facebook profile picture, or if he had posted anything addressing me, etc etc. The obsession and rumination was overwhelming.

For me breaking NC helped a lot. Mainly because what I was doing was not  NC for my sake but sort of like a waiting game. Hoping he will realize what he had missed and come back, while keeping my dignity intact.

After I broke NC, we started talking again. I was convinced that the love was still there to the point that I packed everything and moved countries again. I went on this mission to save this "love".

He seemed all excited and happy for me to go back. He even came picked me up from the airport. He offered me to stay at his place for a few days before moving to my apartment.

Everything was so sweet that day. Like his love. His unbeatable love. The love that was like nothing else.

Then he suggested that we make love. That was of course what I wanted the most too. But just to make sure, I asked him if I was the only one?

He stood in front me and said "What? What made you think that? No you are not! We broke up! Remember? I can't just be with you! Relationships like that require a level of maturity that I do not have! How dare you wanting to possess me anyway?"

And that was it! 10 months of rumination and obsession stopped right there. I faced the reality for the first time. That he was faking everything the whole time. Because there was no way he could have moved on so quickly from a love that was so intense unless it was not there to begin with.

Then I saw him for what he was. He canceled his offer, dropped me home and never ever got back to me.

During the last 4 months, my recovery speed up tremendously. Just seeing him for what he was, seeing the immature fake weak man that he was changed everything.

Yesterday I saw him for the first time after 4 of months and all I felt for him was pity. And a great sense of disgust for having wasted my time on such a loser. I don't mean to be mean. I know that he has a disorder. But to me he is a broken, dysfunctional, weak, fake, dangerous, unreliable, irresponsible, immature loser and I feel very lucky to be away from. He approached me and tried to start a conversation but all I wanted was to get away from there without saying or acting in a way to trigger him.

Honestly, I never thought a day would come that I would feel this level of indifference towards him. It's liberating.

If anyone suggested the idea of loving someone else again someday, I got really really upset. I hated the idea of loving someone else. He was the person I was going to love for the rest of my life.

But now I am so open to loving again. I know that will happen. And I know for sure now, what I experienced with him, was not love. It was infatuation. It was fake. It was a show and plays it for everyone. I was not the special one. He only made me believe that I was. Because he knows how to do it and he has done it with many people before me and is probably going to do it with a lot of people after me.

God I'm so blessed and thankful that it's over. He said that he was getting married. It was a relief. Although I feel really sorry for the girl who is the next victim. But she will learn her lesson like I did. I can only hope that hers is not going to be as painful.

Learning to find me and love me and getting closure was everything I needed to break free.  

And here I am happier and stronger and wiser than ever before. And I wanted to thank each one of you for your help and support to me and to each other.

It was never love. True love feels much sweeter and not at all painful.

Hang in there gang. IT DOES GET BETTER!    

Good luck to all of you and thanks.    

[Caramel]

14 months ago, my toxic bond with a Bpd/ Npd / Psychopath person ended on his terms.

My heart was shattered into a million pieces. I lost my friends, lost my identity and he even made me move to another country.

14 months ago, I thought I would never be fine again. Never.

When people said it gets better, I thought "but they don't know what our "love" was like." How can I ever heal from such a broken heart.

I went NC for 6 months. Now I think it was more of a silent treatment rather than NC. I literally checked my phone every five minutes to see if there was a message from him or if he had changed his Facebook profile picture, or if he had posted anything addressing me, etc etc. The obsession and rumination was overwhelming.

For me breaking NC helped a lot. Mainly because what I was doing was not  NC for my sake but sort of like a waiting game. Hoping he will realize what he had missed and come back, while keeping my dignity intact.

After I broke NC, we started talking again. I was convinced that the love was still there to the point that I packed everything and moved countries again. I went on this mission to save this "love".

He seemed all excited and happy for me to go back. He even came picked me up from the airport. He offered me to stay at his place for a few days before moving to my apartment.

Everything was so sweet that day. Like his love. His unbeatable love. The love that was like nothing else.

Then he suggested that we make love. That was of course what I wanted the most too. But just to make sure, I asked him if I was the only one?

He stood in front me and said "What? What made you think that? No you are not! We broke up! Remember? I can't just be with you! Relationships like that require a level of maturity that I do not have! How dare you wanting to possess me anyway?"

And that was it! 10 months of rumination and obsession stopped right there. I faced the reality for the first time. That he was faking everything the whole time. Because there was no way he could have moved on so quickly from a love that was so intense unless it was not there to begin with.

Then I saw him for what he was. He canceled his offer, dropped me home and never ever got back to me.

During the last 4 months, my recovery speed up tremendously. Just seeing him for what he was, seeing the immature fake weak man that he was changed everything.

Yesterday I saw him for the first time after 4 of months and all I felt for him was pity. And a great sense of disgust for having wasted my time on such a loser. I don't mean to be mean. I know that he has a disorder. But to me he is a broken, dysfunctional, weak, fake, dangerous, unreliable, irresponsible, immature loser and I feel very lucky to be away from. He approached me and tried to start a conversation but all I wanted was to get away from there without saying or acting in a way to trigger him.

Honestly, I never thought a day would come that I would feel this level of indifference towards him. It's liberating.

If anyone suggested the idea of loving someone else again someday, I got really really upset. I hated the idea of loving someone else. He was the person I was going to love for the rest of my life.

But now I am so open to loving again. I know that will happen. And I know for sure now, what I experienced with him, was not love. It was infatuation. It was fake. It was a show and plays it for everyone. I was not the special one. He only made me believe that I was. Because he knows how to do it and he has done it with many people before me and is probably going to do it with a lot of people after me.

God I'm so blessed and thankful that it's over. He said that he was getting married. It was a relief. Although I feel really sorry for the girl who is the next victim. But she will learn her lesson like I did. I can only hope that hers is not going to be as painful.

Learning to find me and love me and getting closure was everything I needed to break free.  

And here I am happier and stronger and wiser than ever before. And I wanted to thank each one of you for your help and support to me and to each other.

It was never love. True love feels much sweeter and not at all painful.

Hang in there gang. IT DOES GET BETTER!    

Good luck to all of you and thanks.    

[gsm42]

Thanks so much for sharing! It sounds like while it was a rough journey, you've come out of it with yourself intact.  Gives me hope.  :-)

[peacefulmind]

14 months ago, my toxic bond with a Bpd/ Npd / Psychopath person ended on his terms.

My heart was shattered into a million pieces. I lost my friends, lost my identity and he even made me move to another country.

14 months ago, I thought I would never be fine again. Never.

When people said it gets better, I thought "but they don't know what our "love" was like." How can I ever heal from such a broken heart.

I went NC for 6 months. Now I think it was more of a silent treatment rather than NC. I literally checked my phone every five minutes to see if there was a message from him or if he had changed his Facebook profile picture, or if he had posted anything addressing me, etc etc. The obsession and rumination was overwhelming.

For me breaking NC helped a lot. Mainly because what I was doing was not  NC for my sake but sort of like a waiting game. Hoping he will realize what he had missed and come back, while keeping my dignity intact.

After I broke NC, we started talking again. I was convinced that the love was still there to the point that I packed everything and moved countries again. I went on this mission to save this "love".

He seemed all excited and happy for me to go back. He even came picked me up from the airport. He offered me to stay at his place for a few days before moving to my apartment.

Everything was so sweet that day. Like his love. His unbeatable love. The love that was like nothing else.

Then he suggested that we make love. That was of course what I wanted the most too. But just to make sure, I asked him if I was the only one?

He stood in front me and said "What? What made you think that? No you are not! We broke up! Remember? I can't just be with you! Relationships like that require a level of maturity that I do not have! How dare you wanting to possess me anyway?"

And that was it! 10 months of rumination and obsession stopped right there. I faced the reality for the first time. That he was faking everything the whole time. Because there was no way he could have moved on so quickly from a love that was so intense unless it was not there to begin with.

Then I saw him for what he was. He canceled his offer, dropped me home and never ever got back to me.

During the last 4 months, my recovery speed up tremendously. Just seeing him for what he was, seeing the immature fake weak man that he was changed everything.

Yesterday I saw him for the first time after 4 of months and all I felt for him was pity. And a great sense of disgust for having wasted my time on such a loser. I don't mean to be mean. I know that he has a disorder. But to me he is a broken, dysfunctional, weak, fake, dangerous, unreliable, irresponsible, immature loser and I feel very lucky to be away from. He approached me and tried to start a conversation but all I wanted was to get away from there without saying or acting in a way to trigger him.

Honestly, I never thought a day would come that I would feel this level of indifference towards him. It's liberating.

If anyone suggested the idea of loving someone else again someday, I got really really upset. I hated the idea of loving someone else. He was the person I was going to love for the rest of my life.

But now I am so open to loving again. I know that will happen. And I know for sure now, what I experienced with him, was not love. It was infatuation. It was fake. It was a show and plays it for everyone. I was not the special one. He only made me believe that I was. Because he knows how to do it and he has done it with many people before me and is probably going to do it with a lot of people after me.

God I'm so blessed and thankful that it's over. He said that he was getting married. It was a relief. Although I feel really sorry for the girl who is the next victim. But she will learn her lesson like I did. I can only hope that hers is not going to be as painful.

Learning to find me and love me and getting closure was everything I needed to break free.  

And here I am happier and stronger and wiser than ever before. And I wanted to thank each one of you for your help and support to me and to each other.

It was never love. True love feels much sweeter and not at all painful.

Hang in there gang. IT DOES GET BETTER!    

Good luck to all of you and thanks.    

Thank you for sharing, Caramel. This was truly inspirational and I think it hits the nail with the obsession and rumination... .You may feel like this is what you want, and you keep thinking to yourself "if only... .". The sad truth is what you described... .There's no sense of exclusiveness in a BPD mind (at least some of them), something I have had to deal with in my BPD-relationship as well. I would never understand why my ex would sometimes get so mad if I asked who he/she was talking to, when other times he/she would happily tell me who was texting. I understand that the constant shopping or idealisation of other men/women was a way for him/her to have a backup plan ready. It sickens me. And I am appalled by the fact that I let it run for as long as I did.

Thank you again for sharing your story. It gives me hope.