What's love like in a non-BPD r/s?

[Bassoutcast]

Hey guys.

Although my story is similar to most posted here - idealization, devaluation and the eventual discard, followed by PTSD and other "fun" things that a regular BPD r/s-b/u has to offer, but my story is different in a key element - she was my FIRST r/s - first kiss, everything (I was her first too, or at least so she claimed). I'm 20 y/o, never had a girl before due to a sheer lack of interest in most girls, and this r/s was so intense (though lasted only 4 months, it included plans of moving in together and talk of marriage - things I happily appreciated, being the hopeless romantic that I am). I honestly thought I found "the one" - but I think a person who truly loves you won't make you go through ST and hit your pressure points like a martial-artist to paralyze you.

I'm 2 months out, and I miss the intimacy, and by that I mean the "child-like" things - cuddling, telling someone that loves you about your day, lifting her by surprise and have her giggle while saying "put me down!", those things. It's not as much as my ex as the intimacy I had with her, and I want that - be it with her or with someone else, but I'm worried - I've NEVER had a r/s outside of this one... .how do they work? how is it different? I mean, with my ex we said "I love you" on the first date (although we were good friends before the date so it was just a "verification" date for us to be "official"... .can someone shine the light on this?  

[dobie]

No need to soothe every day

No dysrythmic depression

No constant anxiety

No outlandish and grandiose statements of how "amazing , wonderful, special" you are constantly

No need to fix everything and anything

No almost sociopathic selfishness

No burning resentment if they have to do anything to meet your needs

No gradual loss of yourself

No power struggle constantly

Empathy real empathy , real caring

Laughter

They have there own hobbies , friends,  interests , passions

No telling you they would kill themselves if something happened to you then breaking up a week later and being told they haven't loved you for a year

Genuine love & affection , mutual respect , kindness and just a realistic view of how a r/s should be .

Both partners taking equal responsibility for problems failures etc

Giving as much as taking

No paranoid accusations

When you BU bar cheating or abuse they mourn cry and give closure not spew resentment and me , me , me platitifs while blaming you for everything and try to destroy you its like a child throwing a temper tantrum as apposed to an adult with reason , kindness and maturity trying there best NOT to hurt you .

No extremely dysufuctional parent/s

Its hard to quantify but in a normal r/s you feel at ease in a BPD one you feel charged , high conflict , drained etc

Its where u don't get those moments where you feel you are dating a child

With my xBPDfiance I felt like a parent I felt needed but not ever truly loved

She was a reptile the more woman I date the more I remember how unhealthy she is emotionally

[Bassoutcast]

No need to soothe every day

I did constantly have the need to tell her how proud I am of her and how amazing she is so she wouldnt... .

No dysrythmic depression

... .be depressed all the time

No constant anxiety

Had my first panic attack with her - when I was going to meet her "devilish" parents (who turned out to be quite nice)

No outlandish and grandiose statements of how "amazing , wonderful, special" you are constantly

I've had a handful of those... .mostly before the b/u

No need to fix everything and anything

Felt like if I wasn't there by her side she'd lose her mind and harm herself... .

No almost sociopathic selfishness

No burning resentment if they have to do anything to meet your needs

The minute my needs came first I was discarded like an old pair of shoes

No gradual loss of yourself

Was going to cancel on my friends, even leave my band for her... .so thankful I DIDN'T get there

No power struggle constantly

Empathy real empathy , real caring

Laughter

There was plenty... .at first... .then she got real quiet

They have there own hobbies , friends,  interests , passions

Found it strangely coincidental she had the EXACT same interests as I did (90% of them), and other hobbies she casually mentioned were discarded early on in the r/s

No telling you they would kill themselves if something happened to you then breaking up a week later and being told they haven't loved you for a year

Been there, done that.

Genuine love & affection , mutual respect , kindness and just a realistic view of how a r/s should be .

Both partners taking equal responsibility for problems failures etc

Giving as much as taking

No paranoid accusations

All of this sounds like "Relationship 101" but as time goes on I begin to realize it wasn't always as such

When you BU bar cheating or abuse they mourn cry and give closure not spew resentment and me , me , me platitifs while blaming you for everything and try to destroy you its like a child throwing a temper tantrum as apposed to an adult with reason , kindness and maturity trying there best NOT to hurt you .

No extremely dysufuctional parent/s

Been there, done that

Its hard to quantify but in a normal r/s you feel at ease in a BPD one you feel charged , high conflict , drained etc

Its where u don't get those moments where you feel you are dating a child

With my xBPDfiance I felt like a parent I felt needed but not ever truly loved

She was a reptile the more woman I date the more I remember how unhealthy she is emotionally

Thanks... .I thought it was natural for one person to give and give while the other person didn't... .thought it was just my over-compassionate spirit and lovey-dovey idealism that made me put so much into it... .