I was wondering if anyone else tends to be overly critical of themselves and others?
I am upset with myself because this is a pattern of thinking that is ingrained in me and I hate it. This thinking behavior may have originated from my childhood, my mother (not my alcoholic parent) has always been critical of me and has always acted as if its her way or the highway, refusing to listen to anything I have to say.
Can anyone relate?
I think most people
can relate to that.
A lifetime of listening to those sorts of words leaves a mark. It's your mother in your head pretty much.
Firstly, don't be so hard on yourself for having these thoughts ingrained. It's not your fault. And it takes a lot of painful effort to change those patterns. It's not impossible, but it doesn't go away by the flip of a switch. I recommend the book "Self-Esteem" by Matthew McKay. It's always somewhere to start in explaining how this stuff goes hand in hand.
It definitely stemmed from your childhood. But it's not permanent.
The funny part in my case is that my mother (who is/was NPD by the way) would often 'reassure' me that I was perfectly fine. That she thought I was beautiful, wonderful, smart and so on and should have no self-esteem issues and that she had no idea why I had such low self-esteem.
But then this was the same person that would turn on me the moment that I disagreed with her on any topic and to gain control she would send vitriolic comments my way. That I needed to lose weight, that she doesn't know why she didn't let me work through highschool since my grades are sh**. (I had a 4.0) Or guilt me that I'm a selfish for not doing what she wants, or being an a****** for questioning her knowledge. Or that my hair is ugly. Or that none of my friends actually like me.
... .Okay. Nope. No clue why my self-esteem was in the gutter.
