unsure

[Parents! Get help here!]

Hi, im not good at doing this but I want to try. My daughter is 30 and has a 3month old baby girl,  she has BPD/bipolar.  She has controlled me for a very long time because I cant handle the arguments because she doesn't know when to stop and let me valm down its like she pushes me in a corner so to speak till I get so angry and she wont let me take a time out.  She still lives at home and cant hold a job because people dont know how to deal with her. She has no friends but ME. Family has turned there back on her.she is a recovering addict from pain pills. She trys to stay clean but I know dhe has slipped up some here and there. Well its a long story so I will write more later.   

[stressful mom]

Hi, im not good at doing this but I want to try. My daughter is 30 and has a 3month old baby girl,  she has BPD/bipolar.  She has controlled me for a very long time because I cant handle the arguments because she doesn't know when to stop and let me valm down its like she pushes me in a corner so to speak till I get so angry and she wont let me take a time out.  She still lives at home and cant hold a job because people dont know how to deal with her. She has no friends but ME. Family has turned there back on her.she is a recovering addict from pain pills. She trys to stay clean but I know dhe has slipped up some here and there. Well its a long story so I will write more later.   

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hi Stressful mom,

We are glad you found us!

I get the picture about being pushed passed your limits and cornered... .our instinct after flight (which our BPD kids won't allow) is to fight.  Unfortunately this only feeds the dysfunctional cycle.  

Setting some boundaries can help with this.  It won't be easy and sometimes it gets worse before it gets better (extinction bursts) and it will get better.  Here is some info to help you begin to sort out what your value based boundaries are and how to implement and protect them.

Communicate Boundaries and Limits

Is your daughter in weekly therapy? Does she attend any 12 step follow up programs for her addiction?

I look forward to learning more about your family and how I can help support you.

lbjnltx

[tristesse]

Hello stressful Mom.

Glad you found us, and welcome to bpdfamily.

Your story ( situation ) is not that different than most. We all have BPD children and have experienced the raging.

There are tools and lessons to help you along the way, and they can be found on the right side of this board. I encourage you to check them out and practice them when you can. They really do work and it really does help. Of course this is no magical cure, and life will not be restored to the perfect calm, it will take work on your daughters part, ( therapy ) and on yours, but there is hope.

My own daughter is 31 and living at home with me, she has a 6 year old son who also resides in my home. We have come a long way since finding bpdfamily, but we are far from perfectly normal. I found different methods that seem to work better for my daughter and I, and she has taken up yoga and meditation, which has helped her to stay centered and focused. We both fall away from the techniques periodically, causing upset in the house, but it is usually short lived now.

I just want you to know that I understand, as does everybody else here, and we will help you the best way that we can as you begin this journey. Take care and please keep us updated on your situation.

[livednlearned]

Hi Stressful mom,

I'm glad you posted -- welcome to the site, I'm glad you found us. 

The experience you describe where your daughter won't stop sounds very familiar, I can relate to that. Even when you go to another room, you are followed and the arguing and raging just continues. Your D is also a new mother, and I imagine she is overwhelmed and maybe even scared. Have you noticed your D having even more intense emotions during pregnancy and now that your (precious  ) grandchild is here?

Keep posting. It really does help. We can help you understand how the thingies work and any of the technical functions here, and many of us have had others help us learn too.

The tools that lbjnltx and tristesse are also really helpful. When I look back at my own turning point, it was learning to communicate boundaries that started it all. I believe it was the word, "Stop" that I had to repeat close to 2 dozen times.