Do they ever face any consequences? Feeling a tad bitter today...

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all,

Like the title says - do our exes ever face any consequences for their actions?  

i really don't want to hear "well, the disorder is consequence enough".  I'd like to hear from those of you who have experience with this. My ex had ZERO consequences for his actions. His life (when I used to snoop on his FB page) is "amazing". He "counts his blessings every day".  Puts up posts about God and forgiveness. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Just feeling a bit bitter today. Thinking about how I paid such a heavy price for the relationship. It cost him nothing. Continues to cost him nothing. He's living his "amazing" life and I think I'm starting to hate him... .nothing ever happens to him. He skates. Zero consequences for being cruel.

Sorry for the rant. I know everyone says living well is the best revenge. But is it, really?

[lipstick]

Hi all,

Like the title says - do our exes ever face any consequences for their actions?  

i really don't want to hear "well, the disorder is consequence enough".  I'd like to hear from those of you who have experience with this. My ex had ZERO consequences for his actions. His life (when I used to snoop on his FB page) is "amazing". He "counts his blessings every day".  Puts up posts about God and forgiveness. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Just feeling a bit bitter today. Thinking about how I paid such a heavy price for the relationship. It cost him nothing. Continues to cost him nothing. He's living his "amazing" life and I think I'm starting to hate him... .nothing ever happens to him. He skates. Zero consequences for being cruel.

Sorry for the rant. I know everyone says living well is the best revenge. But is it, really?

[SurfNTurf]

Hi Lipstick,

I don't know if they experience consequences; that's a good topic for our moderators to contribute to. I can tell you my experience and observations though: They are fat and happy while we are in pain. They mete out consequences. Even if they experience consequences, they don't make the connection b/w their behaviors and the consequences. Even if you can 'back up' the history (ie, then what happened, then what?) and get them to make a connection between a behavior and a consequence, they will blame someone else for the consequence. They are always happy happy joy joy b/c they have no clue.

For you own well being, you might look at ways you can let go of this person if he/she is now an ex in your life, and look at ways you can take care of yourself for your own happiness.

[Invictus01]

I bet eventually things catch up to them, whether it is professional or personal or something else. For the most part, their whole life is one big lie and you really just can't keep up with all that without slipping some time. I guess the other question is - what is a consequence to a personality disordered person, short of them committing some crazy crime and lands them in jail? To a normal person, let's say, the consequence of cheating is losing a relationship. To a personality disordered people - who cares, here is another sucker! To a normal person, the consequence of of lying is losing the job. To a personality disordered person - but but but he/she/it made me do it, it is so unfair, the world is against me, screw it, I'll get another job. So, I guess I wouldn't be too hung up on consequences, not your problem once they are gone out of your life.

[lipstick]

I bet eventually things catch up to them, whether it is professional or personal or something else. For the most part, their whole life is one big lie and you really just can't keep up with all that without slipping some time. I guess the other question is - what is a consequence to a personality disordered person, short of them committing some crazy crime and lands them in jail? To a normal person, let's say, the consequence of cheating is losing a relationship. To a personality disordered people - who cares, here is another sucker! To a normal person, the consequence of of lying is losing the job. To a personality disordered person - but but but he/she/it made me do it, it is so unfair, the world is against me, screw it, I'll get another job. So, I guess I wouldn't be too hung up on consequences, not your problem once they are gone out of your life.

Invictus,

I hope your words ring true in the case of my ex. In that things eventually catch up with them. That is what I keep hoping. It's wrong to wish misfortune on another - but I do.  I went along for the longest time feeling pity for him. Feeling badly that he has this disorder. Now? Well, not so much.

[fromheeltoheal]

I don't know about your ex lipstick, but mine has been left many, many, many times, and abandoning a borderline cuts to the core like nothing else can.  And she really did love those people, in that fantasy borderline love kind of way, until she didn't.  So with each new relationship she feels worse about herself and her ability to keep a man than the last one, compensates for it with extreme narcissism, holds back a little more to protect herself, and ramps up the manipulation early, because she doesn't believe who she is without it is enough.  Those are pretty extreme consequences to me, sad as hell too, but she too lies on Facebook and that version of her is having an amazing time, great enough to attract the next suitor.  And on it goes... .

[lipstick]

I don't know about your ex lipstick, but mine has been left many, many, many times, and abandoning a borderline cuts to the core like nothing else can.  And she really did love those people, in that fantasy borderline love kind of way, until she didn't.  So with each new relationship she feels worse about herself and her ability to keep a man than the last one, compensates for it with extreme narcissism, holds back a little more to protect herself, and ramps up the manipulation early, because she doesn't believe who she is without it is enough.  Those are pretty extreme consequences to me, sad as hell too, but she too lies on Facebook and that version of her is having an amazing time, great enough to attract the next suitor.  And on it goes... .

Hi FHTH,

Always appreciate your insight!

So my ex and being "left". Yeah, no. He dumped me. Not the other way around. Lost his job on a Wednesday. Said nothing. Kept getting up, getting dressed and leaving the house every day like normal. Then on the following Tueday - he moved out while I was at work. Ran back to the spouse he was supposed to be divorcing. Mailed my car / house keys back to me about a week later. Stuffed in a box with a bunch of paper towels along with an "I'm sorry" note scribbled in pencil - telling me he was "so sorry about your birthday, the football game, everything". Didn't even have the guts to put his home address on the box. Didn't want me to know that was where he went. Sent me a message via Facebook about two weeks after that. Asking me to lunch. Saying he had "a lot of explaining to do". Never showed up. Never let me know he wasn't coming. Silent Treatment from that point forward. Other than the FB antics I've previously posted about.

My ex wants everybody to buy into his happy, happy, joy, joy. I want him to fall on his face. I want his world to continue to shrink. Mean, I know. He doesn't get abandoned. His spouse can't get along without him financially. He suffers zero fallout from the things he does.


BTW - not only did I take the Facebook videos down, but I locked my page down so that he can't see anything.

[fromheeltoheal]

So my ex and being "left". Yeah, no. He dumped me. Not the other way around. Lost his job on a Wednesday. Said nothing. Kept getting up, getting dressed and leaving the house every day like normal. Then on the following Tueday - he moved out while I was at work. Ran back to the spouse he was supposed to be divorcing. Mailed my car / house keys back to me about a week later. Stuffed in a box with a bunch of paper towels along with an "I'm sorry" note scribbled in pencil - telling me he was "so sorry about your birthday, the football game, everything". Didn't even have the guts to put his home address on the box. Didn't want me to know that was where he went. Sent me a message via Facebook about two weeks after that. Asking me to lunch. Saying he had "a lot of explaining to do". Never showed up. Never let me know he wasn't coming. Silent Treatment from that point forward. Other than the FB antics I've previously posted about.

Hey lipstick-

Sounds like a coward to me, and a borderline who was ashamed that he lost his job and terrified you'd abandon him if you knew, so he ran back to something safe, a preemptive strike.

My ex wants everybody to buy into his happy, happy, joy, joy.

Of course, run from the shame, revel in denial and put on a happy face to get externally validated because the internal world sucks.  Living a false self really, we all do it, I've done it plenty, but those things are so much work and ultimately transparent, except for folks who have been doing it their entire lives because they don't think they have a choice, the get really good at it, but you might have found the facade drops behind closed doors.

I want him to fall on his face. I want his world to continue to shrink. Mean, I know. He doesn't get abandoned. His spouse can't get along without him financially. He suffers zero fallout from the things he does.

BTW - not only did I take the Facebook videos down, but I locked my page down so that he can't see anything.

Yeah, you're pissed, and you're probably tired of hearing that it will pass.  But it will.  And of course we're only hearing your side, but you sound like a much better catch and he doesn't get the benefit of your company anymore, or your videos, and congrats on further decisive action!

[lipstick]

FHTH,

Is that why he lives on Facebook? For external validation?  The guy even has a separate FB page to support his hobby (photography by cell phone   ).  Was constantly posting pics to this page and commenting / asking for tips / advice. All he got was his mom "Liking" the pictures. Yet he stubbornly continued to post. Getting no response or interaction. I found it odd that he continued posting when it was obvious there was no interest.

I just truly hope his "blessed" and "amazing" life is simply word salad. That it actually sucks. That he's over-compensating on Facebook to try and feel better about the whole thing. Jerk.

I know the anger will pass. For now - he's lucky he lives two hours away.   

[fromheeltoheal]

Is that why he lives on Facebook? For external validation?  The guy even has a separate FB page to support his hobby (photography by cell phone   ).  Was constantly posting pics to this page and commenting / asking for tips / advice. All he got was his mom "Liking" the pictures. Yet he stubbornly continued to post. Getting no response or interaction. I found it odd that he continued posting when it was obvious there was no interest.

I just truly hope his "blessed" and "amazing" life is simply word salad. That it actually sucks. That he's over-compensating on Facebook to try and feel better about the whole thing. Jerk.

I know the anger will pass. For now - he's lucky he lives two hours away.   

In my opinion that's why everyone uses Facebook, to one degree or another, and the needier the more it matters.  My ex's page is littered with as much fake double D cleavage as you can show without being booted, that and smiling faces, what lonely guy wouldn't want to like and comment?  Attachment bait.

[strong9]

Hi lipstick.

Hopefully my story can provide some solace. I haven't posted on the site for a long time though I read it from time to time. About 2 years ago I caught my ex in an affair. She was flying to a different country on my dime monthly to carry it out under the guise of business. I was the supportive chump. I was bitter. We were expats living abroad. So I decided to come home to the US. She took all 3 of our kids and split to another country. Over the course of the next 12 months, I lost my job (which was extremely prestigious and high paying). I went from a who's who in my industry to someone who couldn't land a job. Washed up before my time. Horrible, right? Meanwhile she was gallivanting around the world living on daddy and blaming me for everything.

As I say, I was a mess, angry and bitter. And because she was my wife and we had a legal divorce to initiate and settle, I had to be on my best behavior and even voluntarily subsidize her life because I was trying to set a precedent for the case. She wasted my money in innumerable ways (unoccupied house, unused car she told me to "return" after 5 months, etc.). Talk about feelings of emasculation.

Fast forward two years, I couldn't be happier. 1) I make a small fraction of what I did before and 2) I'm no longer the "man" at work. But I've found myself. Meanwhile, she gets whatever she wants from daddy and comes and goes from country to country. So why am I happier? I got rid of her and refocused my life, decided all work, big money but high stress doesn't pay (pun intended). Also, through counseling my therapist theoried that her behavior was BPD and narcissistic in character though he couldn't diagnose her. That was liberating because I no longer blamed me for everything. Now I'm in amazing shape and have grown past the codependent issues that led me to enable her. My current girlfriend chases me and is worried about women hitting on me because I'm so secure and confident. My point? Living well is the best revenge. And not because it bugs them or doesn't.  But because you no longer care. You've won yourself - the best prize.

And now the icing on the cake - what will give you hope about your bitterness should you need it. Within 2 months of our separation, she sent the kids to me. I have been the sole custodian of my kids for almost 2 years. I am their rock (in all humility) and I'm in love (with them). I lost corporate America but gained so much more. I volunteer at their school and can hardly go a week without praise from mom's and teachers. I also get hit on by moms  I focused on myself physically and emotionally and I GREW and shed my bad habits and all of my stress and anger from my fast paced life before. I am the man I dreamed of being because of her actions and my reaction. My ex now has to ask me to bribe the kids in order for them to agree to spend time with her.  She depends on me to help those relationships. She has had to numb herself to her kids to avoid the pain of that loss. When I was in the same place as you, I'd have relished this. Now, I only have sorrow for my kids and compassion for her (mind you, as a parent).

So ride it out. Others are right it will pass. And while I do not know your facts, life may give you an opportunity to enjoy his sorrow if you don't focus on it. But if you've done your homework, you won't even revel in it.

[Panda39]

I'm here because my SO has an uBPDxw I also wondered about consequences... .Karma if you will.

My SO and I have had conversations about this and realize that the ex has been and continues to live the consequences of her actions.

She has lost all but 1 or 2 friends... .people always figure out she is the problem not the victim she portrays herself to be.

Her family has distanced themselves from her and do not financially assist her.  She has gone to the well 1 to many times.

She lives in hotels because she has been evicted 3 times and no one will rent to her.

She can't buy a car because she has no credit due to her financial irresponsibility

She can't have a normal legal job because she will have bill collectors and the IRS after her so she always has some strange on-line/telephone job related to money... .last we heard she works for a petroleum company out of the Seychelles in Africa!  It is my belief she is a con artist working for another con artist and getting paid under the table.  But who cares she hasn't filed income taxes in 15 years.

She has 2 court cases related to money in the works.  1 civil and 1 felony so in the legal sense she might have some consequences coming down the pike... .I look at this as payback for all of the people she has used for money, landlords she didn't pay, bounced checks she's written, the bills she never paid, the taxes she's never filed or paid and worst of all the daughter she ripped off and put into debt. (After watching the courts work during my SO's divorce I have become skeptical of our court system so who knows if there will be legal consequences or if they let her off with a slap on the wrist... .but I truly hope there is punishment for so many she has burned financially)

She has alienated both of her daughters D18 is No Contact and D14 is Low Contact

And she lost the wonderful man she was married to (her loss is my gain  )

So yes in the case of my SO's uBPDxw she is living her consequences each and everyday.  

[WhatJustHappened?]

Hi all,

Like the title says - do our exes ever face any consequences for their actions?  

i really don't want to hear "well, the disorder is consequence enough".  I'd like to hear from those of you who have experience with this. My ex had ZERO consequences for his actions. His life (when I used to snoop on his FB page) is "amazing". He "counts his blessings every day".  Puts up posts about God and forgiveness. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Just feeling a bit bitter today. Thinking about how I paid such a heavy price for the relationship. It cost him nothing. Continues to cost him nothing. He's living his "amazing" life and I think I'm starting to hate him... .nothing ever happens to him. He skates. Zero consequences for being cruel.

Sorry for the rant. I know everyone says living well is the best revenge. But is it, really?

Looks don't always how show the true state of the individual but you know the situation better than we do. Perhaps the religious emphasis is his way of trying to over-compensate? My main point is that while consequences can't always be seen, you never know how they may manifest for him. And something did happen of consequence... .he lost you!

[PetitFrite]

Hi, Lipstick, not to be trite, I think the phrase ":)on't compare your backstage to someone's highlight reel" may apply to your situation.  If his life were really that "blessed" he wouldn't be putting so much effort into his FB profile, would he?

[enlighten me]

Wow strong I wss just going to post my story and read yours first and it made me smile.

My ex wife painted a picture of happines. Driving around in flash cars and a husband with a very well paying job. This weekend my sons came to live with me. Theyve had enough of their mums lies and their stepdads bullying behaviour.

She is apparently a mess. She is terrified her sons will never speak to her again. She is apparently arguing with her husband and she will be worrying about the lack of child support as my maintenance money is used by her for her outgoings. She was a secret spender and ran up massive debt when we were together so ive no doubt that she wil have done this again.

So she is broke, terrified of her husband discovering her debt, living with a possibly BPD husband, and has lost her sons.

[JRT]

of course they do... .the very things that they seek they destroy... .

In the case of mine, she raged against her son for 18 years and did not provide the basic parental support that is essential for a child to grow up emotionally healthy and functional. Guess what? Although highly intelligent, her son barely graduated from a watered down version of high school. He flunked out of the one class that he took at community college and he has been unable to keep a job for any longer than 2 weeks (9 jobs and counting in the last year). Sadly, he will never be able to live outside of his moms house EVER, have friends or find a girlfriend and get married. He will be a constant reminder and monument to her lack of willingness to stop running from serious problems and just deal with them.

[greenmonkey]

My UBPDexgf - Before I met her she was a homeowner, high earner, peak of her career, she left her husband and son out of the blue and shacked up with a woman she had met twice over the internet.

Fast forward 5 years, she lost custody of her son and only has restricted visitation rights, she has had two failed Lesbian relationships, the last one with me, she has debts of £15k, including HMRC, CSA and Council Tax, she can barely afford a room in a shared house, she will probably face bankruptcy within the next few months.

She has no stability and lies and cheats with who knows how many women.

She painted a picture on Facebook of being happy happy, what a wonderful mother I am, look at me please tell me how wonderful I am. Her 'friends' are on Facebook, she meets women on dating sites.

Is she truly happy no, she never will be, she does not know the meaning of the word. She is empty, soul less, a hollow vessel with dead eyes.

Karma does catch up with up eventually if you treat people continuously like dirt and expect to get away with it

[Infared]

I do understand how you feel.  Mine cheated on every guy she was ever with and ran off with the replacement, blaming the her exes for her behavior. She would then go out of her way to be cruel, vindictive and hurtful to all of her exes. Just like a 7th-grader. In my case she got my replacement to join in the "fun" of acting out in public with her to cause me emotional pain? At times I could see that "oh My God", they have discussed this before hand, how they are going to act if they run into me in public?. Hurting someone else appears to be a planned "fun" activity? Sick stuff.

We are talking 2 people in their 40's here. Extremely immature behavior, but very hurtful.

I call her Cut-n-Run C_ _ _ (name) .  I was devastated by her behavior, but I made a decision early on when I saw who this person actually was to distance myself from them. I did not know about BPD... .I own no photos, never "check up on her life etc. That just hurts me. I loved this person deeply and could not  behave in the manner that she and my replacement do.  I do the best that I can to focus on my own life, and to embrace the fact that I don't act that way. It appears to me that she just went merrily on her way and has a wonderful new life, yes with no consequences... .but I do my best to make that none of my business. I never asked for this situation, it is what it is though. This is what life served up. I do my best to live my own life and focus on me and what I am doing. After all that went down, I do not have much alternative, do I?

I don't wish her good will. I don't wish her bad will... .I just try to mind my own business. I do not know what God's plan is and I can't think that I can effect that... .I just point my nose down the road.

[Mr Hollande]

This thread reminds me how their poor choices catches up with them eventually. The other day I had a late phone call from my ex saying she wants to reconcile. I told her to get lost and to never contact me again. Reading this thread gives me the following possible scenario.

Her life is such a mess after a year with my drug dealer replacement that she's now desperate enough to contact me for help. Mr Hollande who has control over his life. Mr Hollande the problem solver. Mr Hollande who sorted her out so many times during the 5 years he wasted on her. "Suggest reconciliation first and the rest can follow".

But this time Mr Hollande didn't want to know. He also made it clear he NEVER wants to know again. So there she is on the outside trying to look in. "Who will save me now?".

I think I know where you are right now, Lipstick. I was there two weeks ago and it's not a nice place to be. It is an inevitable necessity on occasion though and going there benefits us in the long run. I think you know the answer to your question.

[valet]

To answer your question: yes, they always face the consequences.

To provide a further twist, however, they don't know what the actions were for the consequences that they face.

Imagine never having a real answer for your pain, one that revolved around yourself and your own view of the world.

I remember, even during the very beginning stages of idealization with my BPDex, that she was in constant doubt about her friends and family liking her. She thought that she had no friends, that no one was there for her, and that she was an ugly, miserable person. These emotions fully manifested themselves again when she broke up with me. I imagine presently that they've retaken their place as that constant voice in her mind that tells her that she's not good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, etc.

Of course, we face great loneliness, insecurity, fear, and doubt after our relationships with our pwBPD end. Fortunately for us, we have the knowledge and tools available to us to get to the root of those problems and lead happy, fulfilling lives.

A pwBPD usually never finds that part of themselves. The deepest, hardest to reach part that guides our self-worth and intuition as human beings. A lot of them will never reach the WiseMind state that is spoken about here (successful communication between emotions and logic).

[lipstick]

Hi all,

Great responses from everyone!  Thank you all for sharing. Strong - your story in particular is inspiring, to say the least.

FromHeeltoHeal - yes, compared to her I am a "catch". Much younger. Not a ridiculous, abusive drunk. Much more attractive. That's not vanity talking - I haven't spent years cooking myself on the beach as she has. I don't look like a piece of beef jerky with hair. The sun takes a big toll as we age. Also - I can provide for myself. Something she can't do. She won't even be collecting S.S. as she's never held down a real job.

Behind closed doors? Anger. Always simmering right below the surface with my ex. He had issues with people he perceived as being more affluent than him. Which didn't take much! I came out of a marriage where we were comfortably off. Both good wage earners. I drove a nice vehicle, etc...   The ex would make sarcastic comments from time to time regarding my possessions or tastes. However, he had no issues with driving one of my vehicles instead of his own beater of a ride! And using anything of mine that suited him - sunglasses, etc...

The anger would come out in some incredibly juvenile ways, too. I was very puzzled by this behavior. It was irrational. I'd never encountered anything like it. I found that I could sit him down and talk to him calmly. That would defuse the situation. But the anger was unfounded to begin with! Very childish... .      

So I think you are correct. My anger will fade with time. Coming to this forum and reading other folks experiences / insight always helps calm me down.  Also - you are correct in that he uses Facebook to make himself feel better. Funny - it was always the same five or six people that "Liked" or commented on his posts / pictures. Never, ever his children!  Always his mom and a handful of others. Yet he believes he is this unbelievable talent and everyone looks forward to his next FB posting. 

I hope that it gets under his skin just a bit that he can no longer spy on me. It ticks me off that he blocked me from FB over nothing - keeps me blocked to this day - yet still spies on me thru alternate means. How dare he?

I hope he's one miserable dude in his "senior" years. Also hope the age difference between he and the spouse catches up to them. Grrrr... .   

[BorisAcusio]

To answer your question: yes, they always face the consequences.

To provide a further twist, however, they don't know what the actions were for the consequences that they face.

Imagine never having a real answer for your pain, one that revolved around yourself and your own view of the world.

^ That.

Borderlines don't recognize themselves as an active agent of their life, events are just happening to them.

Their depressive reactions take primitive forms of impotent rage and feelings of defeat by external forces

[going places]

So far, my ex has not faced any consequences.

But, one day, he will be Judged for every action, and every word that came out of his mouth... .as will I.

At first, I was very bitter, wanted vengence, etc.

Now? I hope who ever he is with, even if it's with the woman he committed adultery with, I hope she sees thru his mask, and goes her own way instead of wasting her life with a monster like him.

I really hope whoever he hooks up with, if the woman has kids; that she wises up quickly and runs.

I would NEVER wish what I went through on any one.

Not even the woman that  KNEW he was a married man with kids yet chose to have an affair with him anyway.

No one should ever be treated the way he treated me. No one.

[lipstick]

So far, my ex has not faced any consequences.

But, one day, he will be Judged for every action, and every word that came out of his mouth... .as will I.

At first, I was very bitter, wanted vengence, etc.

Now? I hope who ever he is with, even if it's with the woman he committed adultery with, I hope she sees thru his mask, and goes her own way instead of wasting her life with a monster like him.

I really hope whoever he hooks up with, if the woman has kids; that she wises up quickly and runs.

I would NEVER wish what I went through on any one.

Not even the woman that  KNEW he was a married man with kids yet chose to have an affair with him anyway.

No one should ever be treated the way he treated me. No one.

Hi goingplaces,

I've read some of your posts and you're right - no one should have been put through what you endured. I hope you are heading for a new, peaceful life!

Not feeling as angry today. I had to step back and reassess things. Even though my ex continually brags on FB about his "amazing life" and how he's so lucky to be "living in paradise", how "blessed and thankful" he is for everything - I often wonder if that's what he really believes. He let me see behind the curtain into his facade of a marriage. Yes - he went back to her after dumping me and running away. This is true. He didn't hold up any of his promises to me. However - it's a life of mundane. It is one of routine. Things are not allowed to change. It must be the same pattern day in and day out. It's not a luxurious life by any means. Both alcoholics. Both with a disorder of some type. He is BPD. Pretty sure she is, too. Their sex life dried up about fifteen years ago (or more). There is a fairly large age gap between the two of them. She being the older one. This will matter at some point.

They don't do anything. Never go anywhere. Occasionally take in an outdoor concert (if it's free). Go out to dinner at the same place - on the same day - at the same time. I believe this is "safe" to my ex. It keeps his disorder in check. No triggers.

So today I'm counting MY blessings!  And I hope that eventually one of those blessings will be the fact that the ex is out of my life. My mother tells me that he'll contact me at some point. Well - he's had almost three years to do so. I think that if it was going to happen - it would have happened already.

Thanks to everyone again for your thoughts & advice. It's always greatly appreciated!   

[cosmonaut]

Yes, they are subject to the same laws of the universe which stipulate that actions have consequences, of course.  Often they do not realize that they are in control of this, however.  The persecution, victimization beliefs of the disorder often externalize the cause.  A major part of recovery for a pwBPD is the realization and acceptance that they are responsible for the consequences of their own actions.  We also must realize that our fixing and rescuing is also interfering with this important step.  We are harming by enabling.

pwBPD most assuredly suffer, and much of it is their own making.  It's natural to be angry that we have been so hurt by this destructive behavior.  It's likely as you progress in your healing that the anger will subside and you will realize that your ex was also a victim of the disorder.

[Infared]

Well... .one consequence my ex has for her actions is that she no longer and will not ever have me in her life again.

... .and that truly is ... .her loss 

[UserName69]

Hi all,

Like the title says - do our exes ever face any consequences for their actions?  

i really don't want to hear "well, the disorder is consequence enough".  I'd like to hear from those of you who have experience with this. My ex had ZERO consequences for his actions. His life (when I used to snoop on his FB page) is "amazing". He "counts his blessings every day".  Puts up posts about God and forgiveness. Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Just feeling a bit bitter today. Thinking about how I paid such a heavy price for the relationship. It cost him nothing. Continues to cost him nothing. He's living his "amazing" life and I think I'm starting to hate him... .nothing ever happens to him. He skates. Zero consequences for being cruel.

Sorry for the rant. I know everyone says living well is the best revenge. But is it, really?

Everything they say is a LIE! My exBPD after she broke up with me she claimed to be very happy, when I told her that I didn't care about her and I have met an another girl she freaked out. Why would any happy person freak out about this? Because she was lying.

They do suffer for what they do, they won't admit it. A while ago I saw my exBPD and she looked so messed up, I really believe she's harming herself. Is this the girl that claims on Facebook that she's so happy? I guess not.

If she told me that she was dating someone else I wouldn't mind because I gave up on her and I found an another girl who's my gf now. I know she looks way better compared to my exBPD if my exBPD would see us together she would melt even if she had an another boyfriend. They say that they're happy but it's a big illusion.

Beside don't believe what people write on Facebook. Facebook is the place for narcissists, liars, BPD's because on the internet you can be who ever you want to be, especially that person he/she never could be. I know a lot of people who seem to be so happy according to their FB but in real life they're a complete mess, depressed and are suffering kinds of mental illness.

People who're having a great life don't have time to post about it on Facebook 

[dobie]

I can say karma caught up with me because I had to suffer life with her for 6.5 years and a discard so yes no doubt your ex like all of us is not immune from pain and suffering .it may take years but at some point they like us will have rain come into their lives  

I could also say knowing the neurotic , distrusting, dysrythmic  selfish person she is she will never achieve a happy and lasting love as she is not capable.  funny enough I think she knows this deep down as well. One of the things she said when she left was that she would probably end up like her mother i.e 53, divorced  single and bitter

Her future will not be unicorns and rainbows despite her new awesome life and gfs , replacement etc

[strong9]

Wow strong I wss just going to post my story and read yours first and it made me smile.

My ex wife painted a picture of happines. Driving around in flash cars and a husband with a very well paying job. This weekend my sons came to live with me. Theyve had enough of their mums lies and their stepdads bullying behaviour.

She is apparently a mess. She is terrified her sons will never speak to her again. She is apparently arguing with her husband and she will be worrying about the lack of child support as my maintenance money is used by her for her outgoings. She was a secret spender and ran up massive debt when we were together so ive no doubt that she wil have done this again.

So she is broke, terrified of her husband discovering her debt, living with a possibly BPD husband, and has lost her sons.

That's the thing.  If you wait long enough, the truth comes out.

[going places]

Well... .one consequence my ex has for her actions is that she no longer and will not ever have me in her life again.

... .and that truly is ... .her loss 

I couldn't agree more!

I wasn't perfect, but I was real, and so was my love.

Our kids are real, and so was their love and respect.

He traded the most sought after and precious bonds for porn and affairs.

Truly, his loss!

[apollotech]

Hi lipstick,

I am sorry to hear that you're dealing with the emotions you described. You gave that man part of your past, please don't let him have your present/future as well.

Without a doubt they face the consequences of their actions. Your ex's situation regarding the now broken relationship that he now has with you is a testament to that fact. He lost you due to his disorder, his actions/behavior. The loss of you is the consequence. Unfortunately for him, because he is so self absorbed and disordered, he cannot understand/comprehend his loss. Ignorance is bliss, so he can honestly wear the happy face. But, ignorance does not negate the consequence.