Hi Pacify,
I've wanted to tell her how she is treating me is humiliating but before I could even get to that point she did it again.
you can't tell her not to abuse you as it won't help and possibly may matters worse. This is not someone who accidentally invades your personal space and steps on your toes - in such a situation talk helps. She is one who - as a matter of her general routine that helps her to function - steps on your toes because it helps her. You have little choice other than taking measures to prevent that. Either move your toes or put on shoes with steel caps.
Now using boundaries where there is neglect and lack of attention is tough. Boundaries put effective lines in the sand and that pushes the partners to a degree apart. Often in our co-dependent relationships this is healthy and allows then both sides to heal and grow. But the it can also lead to a split, particularly when the relationship is young and attachment is weak. Validation builds healthy connections and can help to a degree to counter the centrifugal forces that come into play with boundaries.
I dont know if I can do this much longer, everything is getting twisted into something its not. Her need for control does not allow her to admit fault. EVER!
Don't engage in such discussions - what is the point - they only further her position as the queen of drama. Her admission matters less as long as you control the consequences or don't protect her from consequences elsewhere. A better strategy is to either step away or to validate her emotion - she feels innocent, upset, wronged etc... Once validated she can see reality clearer and may come by herself to the conclusion that maybe there is another side to the story.
Validation is not agreement. Validation is not all positive. Maybe as a first step focus on communication skills? Communication starts with listening. There have been studies that showed that doctors who let their patients fully explain themselves before talking were much more effective also time-wise. Let her talk. Listen and provide sensible feedback. It will help you to understand her better and it will make her want to spend more time with you. Be also clear what you won't tolerate and find ways to put a boundary there. Boundaries are vital to protect your ego and values however are never free so choose wisely.
