positive picture on life

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

So, i don't care if anybody reads this... .but I need to vent and I have closed out all of my friends.

I have been on the staying boards. i was staying. now i don't know.

It was a ___ty weekend. My BPDbf and i went to new hampshire so he could race his motorcycle. he did okay. he yelled at me about how i was lighting the grill. i gave up and let him have the lighter. i washed my hands of it. i went to bed early in the tent. at 2am, he still hadn't come to the tent. i assumed he found some track whore to shack up with. I sent him a nasty text and went back to bed. about a half hour later he come in drunk as a skunk. i didn't sleep the rest of the night while he passed out.

i made him dinner when i got home, which was rather nice of me. then i left. we are supposed to get together tonight and just have a night in... .since its been a while since we have been able to be ourselves and alone together.

However, this morning he sent me a web site with professional photos of the racers. I was clicking thru and really liked the pictures of him. He looked great. upon a second flip thru... .i noticed that in the background, although blurry, there i was over his shoulder in the background rooting for him. it was an awesome picture and a good representation of how i feel the relationship is- i support him in most everything he does, especially racing.  I quickly screenshotted the picture and drew an arrow to me. I sent it to him and said "That's me!" ... .and the response I got was "in that guy's crotch?"

Wtf.

I went back and looked at the picture. I was sitting on the ground, and yes, there was a guy standing behind me with a beer in his hand and looking a totally different direction. Yes my head was blocking the view of his crotch, but it was simply circumstantial. he was just someone in the crowd behind me.

This whole comment of his has completely derailed me... .triggered me I suppose.

He ruined the picture for me, first of all. Now i will ever see is what he thinks of the picture... .which sucks. its like blow it up huge, frame it, and put it on the wall kind of awesome picture. and now its ruined.

Second, I am completely rethinking everything. figuratively and literally- I want to be with someone who sees the big picture and points out the positive. I don't want to be with someone who sees the big picture and points out the negative. I'm tired of the negative getting in the way of the positive all the freaking time.

Its a joke he says. Sorry- I didn't take it as a joke. Sorry if the relationship is a joke, but why did he have to take this conversation there of all places?

i just don't know if i can endure the negative stuff anymore.

Am I over-reacting? Seriously?  I can't always tell if I am the crazy one or if he is. Maybe I am over reacting.

[cloudten]

So, i don't care if anybody reads this... .but I need to vent and I have closed out all of my friends.

I have been on the staying boards. i was staying. now i don't know.

It was a ___ty weekend. My BPDbf and i went to new hampshire so he could race his motorcycle. he did okay. he yelled at me about how i was lighting the grill. i gave up and let him have the lighter. i washed my hands of it. i went to bed early in the tent. at 2am, he still hadn't come to the tent. i assumed he found some track whore to shack up with. I sent him a nasty text and went back to bed. about a half hour later he come in drunk as a skunk. i didn't sleep the rest of the night while he passed out.

i made him dinner when i got home, which was rather nice of me. then i left. we are supposed to get together tonight and just have a night in... .since its been a while since we have been able to be ourselves and alone together.

However, this morning he sent me a web site with professional photos of the racers. I was clicking thru and really liked the pictures of him. He looked great. upon a second flip thru... .i noticed that in the background, although blurry, there i was over his shoulder in the background rooting for him. it was an awesome picture and a good representation of how i feel the relationship is- i support him in most everything he does, especially racing.  I quickly screenshotted the picture and drew an arrow to me. I sent it to him and said "That's me!" ... .and the response I got was "in that guy's crotch?"

Wtf.

I went back and looked at the picture. I was sitting on the ground, and yes, there was a guy standing behind me with a beer in his hand and looking a totally different direction. Yes my head was blocking the view of his crotch, but it was simply circumstantial. he was just someone in the crowd behind me.

This whole comment of his has completely derailed me... .triggered me I suppose.

He ruined the picture for me, first of all. Now i will ever see is what he thinks of the picture... .which sucks. its like blow it up huge, frame it, and put it on the wall kind of awesome picture. and now its ruined.

Second, I am completely rethinking everything. figuratively and literally- I want to be with someone who sees the big picture and points out the positive. I don't want to be with someone who sees the big picture and points out the negative. I'm tired of the negative getting in the way of the positive all the freaking time.

Its a joke he says. Sorry- I didn't take it as a joke. Sorry if the relationship is a joke, but why did he have to take this conversation there of all places?

i just don't know if i can endure the negative stuff anymore.

Am I over-reacting? Seriously?  I can't always tell if I am the crazy one or if he is. Maybe I am over reacting.

[once removed]

"This whole comment of his has completely derailed me... .triggered me I suppose."

i think this is understandable. it sounds like you want to be both validated and appreciated, and you had this picture, and it meant a lot to you, and you received a flippant comment about it.

"he yelled at me about how i was lighting the grill."

is this a common thing? its easy for me to see where behavior like that would reinforce feelings of not being good enough.

"Am I over-reacting? Seriously?  I can't always tell if I am the crazy one or if he is. Maybe I am over reacting."

i dont think youre overreacting. youre entitled to your feelings. it might have been a joke on his end, it wasnt to you. thats valid.