BPD Ex Contacts Me... what to do

[DutDut1988]

Long story short, I know my BPD ex and I can't work,we are too toxic for each other to have a loving relationship. Things got out of hand 2 and a half weeks ago, she got physical and threatened me, so I blocked her when I left and haven't spoken to or seen her since. My issue: She decides to call me from another number that I didn't have blocked, leaves a vm for me asking how my family and i are doing. Asking how my dad is doing (he is dying and she was always supportive of me with this, minus the extra stress she caused me on a constant basis). Should I return her call saying thanks, be short with her and say dad has a few weeks left to live? Or should I completely ignore it? Just don't wanna fall back into this relationship circle with her again. I have kept strict to no contact this far. Thanks and hopefully I can get some ad.

UPDATE!

I did end up texting her this but kept it short and sweet:

":)ad has weeks left. Myself and the family are ok but sad. Hurting. Stressed. Thanks for asking. Ttyl."

Maybe I shouldn't have. No response yet. What should i maybe expect from this if anything? Her responses can sometimes be unpredicatble even to those who know her but I didn't wanna come across as a jerk. I do feel she isn't respecting my boundaries of not wanting to talk to her since she knew I blocked her. I just don't want to have the stress of her illness, of which she isn't seeking help for, anymore.

[Hidden]

I'm sorry about your father, it's a horrible experience to go through... .stay strong.

If you feel she is too toxic, she might end up making this hurt more than it already does. But yes, indeed she is not respecting your boundaries. You blocked her, but she ignored that and found another way to reach you, when it's clear that you wish for NC right now... .

[DutDut1988]

I'm sorry about your father, it's a horrible experience to go through... .stay strong.

If you feel she is too toxic, she might end up making this hurt more than it already does. But yes, indeed she is not respecting your boundaries. You blocked her, but she ignored that and found another way to reach you, when it's clear that you wish for NC right now... .

Thank you. Yea idk if it was the best choice but I was appreciative but I want it to end there. I have enough stress right now to deal with her. I've tried and tried and tried and realized it isn't going to work. I do love her and care about her but not at the expense of myself anymore (I realized and learned I'm codependent).

[cosmonaut]

Hi DutDut1988,



It is always a very personal decision about how much contact we want to maintain with our ex.  Some members maintain fairly frequent contact, and others opt for complete no contact.  Every relationship is different and there are no clear guides on what is the best course.  I would trust your gut.  If you felt that you needed to respond to your ex, especially about her inquiry regarding your father's health, that's perfectly ok.  I wouldn't necessarily expect a response from her, however.  As you have said, pwBPD are impulsive and often unpredictable.  That's why it's important that we decide for our own healing and well being how much and what form of contact we wish to maintain with our ex.  Trust your gut and feel free to modify as circumstances change.

Keep posting and look forward to reading more about your healing.   

[DutDut1988]

Thank you for the reply. I haven't heard back from her so I blocked the other number as well. Just happy not hearing from her.

[rotiroti]

Thank you for the reply. I haven't heard back from her so I blocked the other number as well. Just happy not hearing from her.

Good! I'm in a similar situation. It's hard when we love the other person, but here is what I saw from your post:

1. she broke a boundary

2. you feel happy from not hearing from her