New member

[mimi99]

My adult daughter was diagnosed with BPD at 17. We have recently gained emergency custody of her daughter. My daughter and granddaughter lived with us since my granddaughters birth, but recently the BPD has blown way out of control and we made her leave. I feel such grief and anger right now. I am having difficulty coping with this situation and am trying to practice some self care, such as 12 step meeting, counseling, etc. Joining bpdfamily is part of that strategy. Sharing with others that are living with a BPD loved one may be helpful as well. Not too much detail in this post, but more to come--haha

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Lifewriter16]

Hi Mimi99,

Welcome to the Boards, I'm glad you found us. I'm sure you will get the opportunity to talk to people here who have experiences that you can relate to.

Personally, my significant other is my now BPDxbf, so I've nothing pressing to share, I simply wanted to say 'Hi'.

Love Lifewriter

[lbjnltx]

Hi mimi99,

Welcome to the parent's board, we are glad that you chose to make this site part of your self care plan.  Conversing with and sharing ideas on coping strategies and skills with others who walk the same path is beneficial.

I'm sorry that your daughter's disorder is bringing you so much pain and that your situation has gotten to the point of having to take custody of your granddaughter.  How old is your daughter?  Granddaughter?  How is granddaughter coping with the absence of her mother from the home?

I look forward to hearing more about you and learning how to best support you in your self care.

lbjnltx

[livednlearned]

Hi mimi99,

I wanted to join lbjnltx and Lifewriter16 in welcoming you to the parenting board. 

It's so important that you're taking care of yourself like this, joining support groups and reaching out to others who understand and know what it's like.

You also set a boundary with your D, which can be so heartbreaking and difficult, and ultimately necessary. Are you still in contact with your daughter?

A big hug to you 

Know that you're not alone, people here really do understand.

LnL

[mimi99]

Thanks for the words of welcome. My daughter is now 24 and my granddaughter will turn 5 next week. She seems to be coping quite well in the face of all this. In fact, her behavior has improved in the absence of her mothers constant criticism and nagging. Tantrums are rare and stress-related things like hair twirling, etc have stopped. My daughter has stopped talking to me for the most part, although at times she calls for advice as if she never said all the horrible things she did. I guess for her those things don't exist anymore, but for "normal" people the pain lingers. Right now she is homeless and manipulating her father into giving her money for hotels, etc. It is hard to feel loving toward her now, as I am very resentful. She continues to act on her whims and expects the rest of the world to fit around her needs. This last week my GD and I went away and had a very relaxing time, with no phone reception (no frantic calls!) I came home to more chaos and am finding it hard not to obsess about her.

[lbjnltx]

Welcome back mimi99,

I'm glad to learn that your granddaughter is feeling less anxiety and feeling safer in her environment.  It's great to be able to get away from it all sometimes and just relax!

It's understandable that you would feel resentment... .your daughter has rewritten what you thought motherhood, being a grandmother and life in general would be like for you.  While anger and resentment are natural reactions to loss it is just one stage of the grieving process, and usually the first stage of grieving. 

I hope that you will take a few minutes to consider that you are grieving and read this information to help you with the process:

Grieving Mental Illness in a Loved One



lbj