getting my affairs in order to leave my BPD BF

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Possibly having the worst day of my life. The past few days I have been getting my affairs in order to leave my BPD BF. My job contract is coming to a close and we were due to move in a few weeks so it was perfect timing for a clean break. We had a small overseas trip planned with friends and we leave in 2 days. It all came to a head when he decided he didn't want to go and I wasn't allowed either. I have not wavered in my determination to stand my ground and go and intended on leaving with my important belongings and initiate the break up process. I have reached out to friends and have put my plan in process.

Today I received a call from my doctor who advised I have tested positive for an STD. I'm devastated. I was aware of the possibility of my BF having one and he has been open and honest. We have been careful and I always knew there was a chance one day it would happen but that was when I had intentions of staying. I can't believe I have been given this news the day before I was going to leave for good. I'm so upset and I just can't see a way of ever building a new relationship in my future having to bring that up with someone. I'm panicking and doubting my ability to leave now. I also have just been diagnosed with an uncommon disease which causes my bladder to get severely inflamed and cause me intense stomach pains.

It's just going from bad to worse I feel like I've hit absolute rock bottom. I can't even think straight to finish work let alone decide whether to go on the holiday or to stay, to move out or to try rebuild the relationship. I'm completely lost. Has anyone ever had this news and It result in a happy ending?

I know the responses I'm likely to get "everything will be ok" "you'll get through this" but honestly I can't see past it at the moment... .

[Kelly123]

Possibly having the worst day of my life. The past few days I have been getting my affairs in order to leave my BPD BF. My job contract is coming to a close and we were due to move in a few weeks so it was perfect timing for a clean break. We had a small overseas trip planned with friends and we leave in 2 days. It all came to a head when he decided he didn't want to go and I wasn't allowed either. I have not wavered in my determination to stand my ground and go and intended on leaving with my important belongings and initiate the break up process. I have reached out to friends and have put my plan in process.

Today I received a call from my doctor who advised I have tested positive for an STD. I'm devastated. I was aware of the possibility of my BF having one and he has been open and honest. We have been careful and I always knew there was a chance one day it would happen but that was when I had intentions of staying. I can't believe I have been given this news the day before I was going to leave for good. I'm so upset and I just can't see a way of ever building a new relationship in my future having to bring that up with someone. I'm panicking and doubting my ability to leave now. I also have just been diagnosed with an uncommon disease which causes my bladder to get severely inflamed and cause me intense stomach pains.

It's just going from bad to worse I feel like I've hit absolute rock bottom. I can't even think straight to finish work let alone decide whether to go on the holiday or to stay, to move out or to try rebuild the relationship. I'm completely lost. Has anyone ever had this news and It result in a happy ending?

I know the responses I'm likely to get "everything will be ok" "you'll get through this" but honestly I can't see past it at the moment... .

[going places]

First I am so sorry.

I cannot image.

Second. This sucks. This is bull crap and not cool. It's ok to be mad.

The moment you are in IS the end of the world. It's almost impossible to see past the shock... .anger... .horror... .hoplessness of the situation.

Stay on target.

Carry thru with your plans to leave, and go on vacation.

The situation that you find yourself in today will be there tomorrow and next week... .it's not physically life threatening... .so GO on this trip.

It will be good for your soul to be so far removed from the bf, the bad news, etc. It will give you time and space to think.

I am so sorry.

[Kelly123]

I guess what I feel like is after 3 years in a horrible relationship I finally plucked up the courage to put myself first and move on with my life and literally 24 hours before D-Day fate was like "no sorry you're not getting away that easily, you're guna carry a reminder around for the rest of your life". For the record I'm in my early 20's so this feels like a worst case scenario come true

[going places]

I guess what I feel like is after 3 years in a horrible relationship I finally plucked up the courage to put myself first and move on with my life and literally 24 hours before D-Day fate was like "no sorry you're not getting away that easily, you're guna carry a reminder around for the rest of your life". For the record I'm in my early 20's so this feels like a worst case scenario come true

You may have a 'reminder' of this horrible relationship... .

But it's better than spending the next 30 years IN a horrible relationship.

If anything, THIS should give you iron clad resolve to get out.

A reminder, as bad as it is, is not a death sentence like other STD's... .

[Lifewriter16]

Hi Kelly,

To me, it sounds like you have grown up with a very punitive 'god' and your image of 'god' needs to be discarded along with your boyfriend and replaced by your own experience gained over the years of your life that are to come.

You could choose to see your situation differently: perhaps what 'god' is saying to you is this: "You are right in the action you are choosing, Kelly. This man is terribly bad for you and this STD is further proof to enable you to break free."

Are you experiencing FOG - Fear, Obligation and Guilt? If so, feel them fully but ACT ANYWAY, they are only emotions not truths.

Go for it Kelly. We are behind you cheering you on.

Love Lifewriter

[Fleur2013]

It really sucks, but after you become accepting of the diagnosis it will become part of your daily life and more than likely not be on your mind constantly. If you stay with him, you won't ever have the luxury of peace in your life. Take the leap of faith.

[cloudten]

I have had a very similar thing happen. I think you are in a little shock about your diagnosis... .it happens and is normal for you to be hurt and angry. But, it is further reason to discontinue the relationship.

The fact is, you can be in other relationships again. No it is not fun to tell someone, but we have all lived life and have all made mistakes. I think you will find there are more people out there in similar situations than you think. Honestly, my sister has herpes, and she managed to meet the perfect guy for her... .who happens to have exactly what she already had (his ex wife also has BPD). It was a chance meeting at a Starbucks. Now they are married. So... .dont be so hard on yourself. You probably feel alone and like a leper, but that feeling will subside. You cannot change the fact that you have what you have unless it's a curable one. But you can change the fact that you are in an abusive relationship. You can change your life. You can make new decisions. Guess what... .I stayed with mine and picked up a second std (a curable thankfully), that he got when he cheated on me. So staying with your BPD is a literal health risk. Something to consider. You are literally risking your sexual health by staying.

I know you feel like you will never find someone again... .but you should not think that way. You need to put positive thoughts out there. You will find someone perfectly perfect for you... .and who will love you.for who you are and be understanding of the things that happened to you. Its not something you chose, but now you have to deal with.

I hope you carry thru with your plan. If anything, the diagnosis should propel your exit. Good luck! My heart goes out to you.

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Kelly123, I am so very sorry to hear of all you are going thru.   I agree with the others,  stay the course.  

And I have quite a story to share.   A high school friend who I hadn't really talked to in years recently shared her story.   In her 20's, she was in a r/s and contracted herpes.   She said it was absolutely the worst thing that had happened to her.  She couldn't imagine anything worse.   Fast forward 20+ years.   She was married late in life and was over 40 when she got pregnant with twins. It was a high risk pregnancy and she came very close to losing both babies b/c she struggled to "keep them in."   She was on bed rest for 2-3 months.   The babies made it and she realized afterwards that it was the scar tissue (or something like that) that was the result of the herpes that helped her hang onto the babies.   In her words,  "the worst thing of my life became the best thing of my life."  

I kid you not.   This was her story.   Which doesn't mean your story doesn't totally suck for you right now, Kelly123.  And it can also be true that we can't know in advance how everything just might turn out.

Hold onto this hope.  Keep the faith.   You are fighting the good fight.

XOXO

rml