Can't figure myself out...

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Hi there,

I had a powerful romantic encounter with someone on Skype for 6 weeks... .Talked about everything for hours... .every night for 3-5 hours... .It was thoroughly intoxicating and we met in person... Explosive chemistry... .We both felt like we struck liquid gold... .Finally in life... .this is the one... it is our time and all roads have brought us to this... .  Then... .next time we met... .we had a discussion that didn't seem to go as she had planned... .I didn't think it was overwhelmingly bad... .it was just a discussion... .she said she felt like she was sharing something deep in her core and I didn't validate her the way she wanted... .Honestly, we had talked about it before and I didn't think it was a major discussion... .just reiterating what we had discussed before... .just sharing ideas... .Ever since then... her walls seemed to go up and we never really fully recovered... .About a month has gone by... .she said she was feeling a little overwhelmed by the whirlwind of emotion our relationship had created and needed some time to catch her breath... .made sense and I gave her some space... .after a few days she texted me and thanked me for giving her the needed time... .we had some loving texts back and forth... .one of the last being about how even though we have our differences, we are the same in most ways that really count... .yet she wouldn't talk to me... .we were supposed to skype and we didn't... I called worried if she was ok... .she didn't answer my call the next morning and sent a text she passed out from a headache and was late for work... .It felt like avoidance to me and I didn't respond... .never heard from her again... .I sent some concerned texts... .a week later a nice supporting email... .total no contact silent treatment... .It is making me feel crazy... .we had so much promise and she is running away for something that seems trivial in comparison... .I feel compelled to find the answer as to what is going on with her... .I am sick in my gut over being indignant over the silent treatment and wanting to use my best judgment and let it go... .vs... concern over being sensitive to what she must really be suffering with to act in such an irrational way... .I feel compelled that I need to know before I can get closure on just walking away... .People have all kinds of baggage and can get scared... .sometimes they need someone to be strong for them... .it may just be that or it may be that she has real psychological issues... .I honestly can't tell... .Is this what it feels like to be on the other side of BPD or other psychological issues?  My friends want me to run for the hills... .My head says that is probably prudent... .Every other fiber of my essence is saying not to run but make sure she is alright and get more data... Not sure if I ever will... Talk me down off this ledge please... .

[costmar]

Hi there,

I had a powerful romantic encounter with someone on Skype for 6 weeks... .Talked about everything for hours... .every night for 3-5 hours... .It was thoroughly intoxicating and we met in person... Explosive chemistry... .We both felt like we struck liquid gold... .Finally in life... .this is the one... it is our time and all roads have brought us to this... .  Then... .next time we met... .we had a discussion that didn't seem to go as she had planned... .I didn't think it was overwhelmingly bad... .it was just a discussion... .she said she felt like she was sharing something deep in her core and I didn't validate her the way she wanted... .Honestly, we had talked about it before and I didn't think it was a major discussion... .just reiterating what we had discussed before... .just sharing ideas... .Ever since then... her walls seemed to go up and we never really fully recovered... .About a month has gone by... .she said she was feeling a little overwhelmed by the whirlwind of emotion our relationship had created and needed some time to catch her breath... .made sense and I gave her some space... .after a few days she texted me and thanked me for giving her the needed time... .we had some loving texts back and forth... .one of the last being about how even though we have our differences, we are the same in most ways that really count... .yet she wouldn't talk to me... .we were supposed to skype and we didn't... I called worried if she was ok... .she didn't answer my call the next morning and sent a text she passed out from a headache and was late for work... .It felt like avoidance to me and I didn't respond... .never heard from her again... .I sent some concerned texts... .a week later a nice supporting email... .total no contact silent treatment... .It is making me feel crazy... .we had so much promise and she is running away for something that seems trivial in comparison... .I feel compelled to find the answer as to what is going on with her... .I am sick in my gut over being indignant over the silent treatment and wanting to use my best judgment and let it go... .vs... concern over being sensitive to what she must really be suffering with to act in such an irrational way... .I feel compelled that I need to know before I can get closure on just walking away... .People have all kinds of baggage and can get scared... .sometimes they need someone to be strong for them... .it may just be that or it may be that she has real psychological issues... .I honestly can't tell... .Is this what it feels like to be on the other side of BPD or other psychological issues?  My friends want me to run for the hills... .My head says that is probably prudent... .Every other fiber of my essence is saying not to run but make sure she is alright and get more data... Not sure if I ever will... Talk me down off this ledge please... .

[Mutt]

Hi costmar,



I can understand how emotionally intense the infatuation phase with a pwBPD and it can feel like we've met "the one"

What was your discussion about?

We're not mental health professionals and can't diagnose and we can look at traits and characteristics.

How did you find out about personality disorders?

[SummerStorm]

Is it possible that, because you were talking about that particular subject in person, she may have been feeling overwhelmed?

One thing I noticed with my exBPD is that she only ever talked about her past over text message.  I do think some of that is because she had re-written history in her mind and was trying to conceal that.  However, there are definite things that really did happen to her, and she never talked about them in person. 

Your situation is a bit different from mine, since you did discuss things over Skype, which is one step away from discussing things in person.