Entire Relationship Was a Sham?

[MissTeacup]

I have just recently left my BPD partner a few days ago (for the final time); we had a 6 month whirl wind relationship. In addition to many other issues including splitting, threats of suicide, running hot and cold, anger, etc., he was having an emotional affair with the woman who he dated prior to dating me.  This affair stopped and started numerous times during our relationship and now they are back together again (although she lives 1000 miles away). 

In the beginning of our relationship I would believe his stories about his feelings of abandonment causing him to reach out to her. He almost had me believing it was harmless.  After all, I believed it when he told me that I was his soul mate.  That he loved me.  That we would be married.  That nothing could ever separate us. When he explained that I was everything he wanted, but our arguents lead him to message her for comfort, I somehow still thought he loved me.  Our love would prevail.  I have finally realized he will never part with her and I have cut all ties.

He is a single father with two children.  I was happy to fill the void in their lives... .taking the kids to school, sitting with them while he did other things, cooking dinner, cleaning and organizing their home. 

I'm left to wonder if he loved me at all.  Could he have?  Did he love us both (me and the other woman)?  Or did he USE me to take care of his family because his real love is 1000 miles away?

I feel so hurt. To lead someone to believe that you love them for your personal gain is the cruelest thing I can think of.

[AsGoodAsItGets]

Some BPDs dont love in the traditional way, my ex had about 8 different sexual part.ers during our relationship.  Reading her diary helpped me glimps her feelings, she mentioned loving 3 people, all those relationships were had with in 3 months.   I remember my ex being happiest when when I and her and an ex hanged out togeather.  In her mind it was perfect emotional support, and comfort.  Kind like having a sports car and motorcycle in the drive way.  Fun to have around, feels good and the comfort of knowing if one doesn't work on morning the other is right thier to drive through here emotional life were ever she needed to go.   In the diary she described me as makher feel venerable.  Maybe that's a part of love for us, but to them, its to much.  It's ok.  That's how she copes,  hope that help with your qus