Can't take it anymore

[Depression = 72% of members]

I had a dream about my ExBPDgf last night... .I have dreamed about her most nights since our breakup a little over a month ago. She got herself in a little bit of trouble (misdemeanor) and since then... All I want to do is go back. She had her issues but now they are even more out of control. I was shocked to hear from a mutual friend how calm she was about all this. I also learned that she doesn't sleep at our old apartment since I left. My dream was about me trying to get to her and the ground around her was crumbling.

I want her back so badly. I'm so miserable without her. I've been working on me to the point where I am confident we can do this again and be able to work through this because I've been able to be alone and look into myself and things I could improve on and change.

Has this worked for anyone after a breakup? Any suggestions how I could break the ice and start a conversation with her?

I am so torn about this, I just want this to work. I've tried to move on with my life without her but all I can do is just think about our life we can build together.

[OopsIDidItAgain]

I had a dream about my ExBPDgf last night... .I have dreamed about her most nights since our breakup a little over a month ago. She got herself in a little bit of trouble (misdemeanor) and since then... All I want to do is go back. She had her issues but now they are even more out of control. I was shocked to hear from a mutual friend how calm she was about all this. I also learned that she doesn't sleep at our old apartment since I left. My dream was about me trying to get to her and the ground around her was crumbling.

I want her back so badly. I'm so miserable without her. I've been working on me to the point where I am confident we can do this again and be able to work through this because I've been able to be alone and look into myself and things I could improve on and change.

Has this worked for anyone after a breakup? Any suggestions how I could break the ice and start a conversation with her?

I am so torn about this, I just want this to work. I've tried to move on with my life without her but all I can do is just think about our life we can build together.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[LostGhost]

Sorry to hear what you're going through, it's never easy. In my own situation, I had to go no contact and work on myself as well while she was with a new guy. After about 2 months she started messaging me again little things here and there, those grew into more lengthy conversations. Then she broke it off with the new guy and we recycled. We enjoyed 3 months of good times.

Fast forward to the 9 month mark and we're back where we were when we broke up. We're still together, but I'm painted black. We haven't had sex in 6 months. The cycle repeats, always.

I was warned on here that it would. But I thought I had learned so much about BPD and could have a better shot at managing the tough times. And for the most part, it was a higher quality relationship than the first time around... .but it still didn't matter in the end. It's not about us, or what we can offer, or how strong or capable or confident we are. No amount of dedication, loyalty or devotion is good enough. Because their disorder doesn't allow them to see shades of grey. We are either all good, or all bad, and the reason for either belief can be so random. I wish you luck whatever you decide to do.