2 months after breakup..still thinking about them

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It's been two months since they left and I can't stop obsessing.  I'm repulsed at the thought of them, I never want to see them again and I'm still bitter and angry.  I don't know why I can't stop thinking about how they hurt me.  I thought that once I didn't want them back, I would quit thinking about them but I'm still obsessing over them.  My feelings are depression and revulsion now instead of missing them.  When will this end?  Is this normal?  How do I move on?

[healingslowly12]

It's been two months since they left and I can't stop obsessing.  I'm repulsed at the thought of them, I never want to see them again and I'm still bitter and angry.  I don't know why I can't stop thinking about how they hurt me.  I thought that once I didn't want them back, I would quit thinking about them but I'm still obsessing over them.  My feelings are depression and revulsion now instead of missing them.  When will this end?  Is this normal?  How do I move on?

[Schermarhorn]

It's been two months since they left and I can't stop obsessing.  I'm repulsed at the thought of them, I never want to see them again and I'm still bitter and angry.  I don't know why I can't stop thinking about how they hurt me.  I thought that once I didn't want them back, I would quit thinking about them but I'm still obsessing over them.  My feelings are depression and revulsion now instead of missing them.  When will this end?  Is this normal?  How do I move on?

I'm in the same spot as you. 2 months into my breakup.

I feel like you, but I still miss her a bit as well.

I'm just taking it one day at a time, I don't think there is a set time for recovery in this instance.

Stay strong.

[Suspicious1]

Obsessive thinking (I called it rumination) didn't stop until three to four months in for me. I still thought about him almost daily, but I didn't ruminate, I just remembered and carried on. Then WHAM, out of nowhere last month (and 14 months after the break up) the ruminations came back, and I felt like I was back to square one - sobbing every day, in intense emotional pain and thinking about it OBSESSIVELY like it had all just happened all over again. Thankfully I've cycled through the grief process very quickly and I'm feeling pretty much ok again now. Aching and sad now and again, but mostly glad I'm out.

I've never experienced that before - a recycling of the grief. I guess it's different for everyone.

[once removed]

hey healingslowly12 

in my experience, two months felt like the first day. you have been through a traumatic experience. some of this response, including ruminations, is a natural response, and something we have to work through. is it normal? its certainly common. when i was one year out i still felt a bit, a little desire for "justice".

if its keeping you stuck, there are tools to help. here is a good one:

tools, dealing with ruminations: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=103396.0

[Darsha500]

This is a passage from the book "Getting past your breakup."

"Endless Rumination about Your Ex and the Relationship. Thinking about your relationship in excruciating detail is an important part of the grief process, but it’s also the one that can make you crazy. To let go of the relationship, you have to see it for what it is. Your mind switches into overdrive, endlessly processing through the life of the relationship. You can’t stop thinking about your relationship or your ex. You recount the breakup scene over and over again, or you relive the happy times. Your mind may bounce back and forth between the breakup and the good times. Your mind thinks about the person you fell in love with and then switches to the person who hurt you. The scenes and conversations flash through your mind randomly, with your emotions reacting to whatever is playing on the movie screen in your brain. The only thing you want to do is shut it off, but you can’t. This constant rumination can be maddening, but, surprisingly, it’s psychologically necessary so that you can work through it and be over it. It’s not going to last forever, and it doesn’t mean you’re not going to get over it; it means that you are in the process of getting over it. While it can be crazy-making and seemingly contrary, the constant rumination is about letting go, not holding on."

[Suspicious1]

Thanks for sharing that, Darsha500, that's extremely reassuring.