BPD triggers

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hi there,

I was wondering if you knew of things that can trigger a person with BPD to act out?  I know stress is a common trigger.  For my uBPD sister I feel that certain anniversaries/holidays seem to increase the intensity of her behaviors. My sister had a major trauma in her life and around that time of year she seems to act out more.  Also her 31st birthday is coming up in a week and I remember last year she was also acting out.  Except last year she seemed more depressed and this year she seems really angry.  I think it has to do with her looking at her life as she is getting older and not liking what she sees.  Any thoughts?

[Sweetmelissa]

Hi there,

I was wondering if you knew of things that can trigger a person with BPD to act out?  I know stress is a common trigger.  For my uBPD sister I feel that certain anniversaries/holidays seem to increase the intensity of her behaviors. My sister had a major trauma in her life and around that time of year she seems to act out more.  Also her 31st birthday is coming up in a week and I remember last year she was also acting out.  Except last year she seemed more depressed and this year she seems really angry.  I think it has to do with her looking at her life as she is getting older and not liking what she sees.  Any thoughts?

[Kwamina]

Hi Sweetmelissa

Stress is indeed often a trigger for people with BPD. When I look at my own uBPD mom and sis, big events such as holidays, birthdays and vacations often bring out the worst in them.

People with BPD are also often very sensitive with high validation needs. As a result they might be easily offended or perceive innocuous comments and events as huge slights.

Another thing that comes to mind is the intense fear of abandonment many people with BPD have.

Do you perhaps feels that any of these things also apply to your sister?

I think it has to do with her looking at her life as she is getting older and not liking what she sees.  Any thoughts?

Has your sister ever said anything about or perhaps hinted at looking back at her life and not liking what she sees?

[HappyChappy]

Hi Sweetmelissa,

I would agree with all Kwamina's points. A BPD likes to be the centre of attention so they don't like other people's birthdays. Triggers often relate to the trauma the individual experienced. But with a BPD there is also their fantasy thinking to take into consideration. So for example if their Golden Child has behaved badly, criticism of the GC may trigger a bad response, even though it was fair criticism. So I guess it’s quiet personal. Asking my BPD for money triggers her – sadly that’s not a joke.  

So what has you sister said ?

[MiserableDaughter]

Anyone else being complimented... .If YOU compliment someone else they perceive as a threat... .For example, if I compliment my Mother in law or even my husband, she doesnt like it. For my mom, it's that anyone may be more important than herself. Also, yes, the fear of abandonment. The fear of independance. The more independent you get, the less you need them... .