Hi HelpMe,
YES, they believe in a fantasy that does NOT exist. That's why as soon as they see you are not perfect (which none of us are), the push-pull games and devaluation begins.
It's so important for us to remember this... .every relationship is just a "new fantasy" , a new "White Knight" to save them. I have had the blessed opportunity to meet three exes before me and same story... .one was actually abandoned in another state, two were cheated on back and forth between each other and one, well one is now one of my best friends and the pattern of her relationship was almost IDENTICAL to mine. She dated her in 2008. She even left her for someone she left me for in 2013.
It doesn't end until you end it.
Who really needs saving? The White Knight!
HelpMe, a few months ago I threw a very expensive birthday for my ex. I invited people out of state who knew her... .including exes she was friends with (she has no friends only exes
). Later, I realized this was a giant trigger, which was not intentional on my part but probably sped up her devaluation of me.
Did she appreciate the party? No. She slammed me for not kissing her at the party.
I had taken off work a few days to set this up. I was working with another friend of ours with expensive taste (this was held at her home). I spent 2K on a party I could have thrown for $400... .
I did this because I wanted it to be special for her and surprise her.
Three weeks later, before a huge trip to Mexico I was dumped on my arse for a person we just met in a social group I run.
My ex has not spoken to me in three months and I have been painted blacker than black. Ironically she is still contacting the person whose home housed her party. She even sent her "thank you" flowers.
I didn't even get "thank you".
They are cruel as hell. Once they attach to someone else you have no importance to them. It hurts because they are replaying all your intimate moments with a new person who is just as "infatuated" as you were at the begining of this fake relationship. It also seems to come on suddenly, like overnight when in actuality while she is telling you "I love you more than anything"... .likely she's been telling everyone for months what a Godawful ass you are.
They are notorious for this and it happened to me throughout our relationship.
Why do I call it fake? Well it was one-sided. You were the only person in the relationship with the ability to truly love. They aren't.
If someone REALLY loved you, you wouldn't be treated like this.
So yes, complete fantasyland for these people. You were set up to fail by her. Don't blame yourself. There is nothing you could have done to change this... .you just didn't know what you were dealing with.
PW