Corey Wayne: Online Reputation, Independent Review

[Infern0]

You reading Corey Waynes book, "How to be a 3% man"?

There is nobody better than him trust me.  If you start to assimilate that info so it becomes ingrained in your head you'll be a much different man.

[Reecer1588]

He's absolutely changing my life.

The whole feelings that I am lacking a half of myself, and so much wanting another chance isn't gone yet.

[once removed]

I've reviewed his youtube page and some of his videos - they include:

• the art of pulling back to create attraction



• the games women play



• making her unable to resist you



• making her want you again



• how women subtly test you



• walking away to get her back



• when you stop caring, results come



• women who like you do this... .



• ignoring women makes them give up



• you gotta outwait and outwit women



• do this when she backs away... .



• best strategy to get an ex back



• the attraction of indifference



• rejected? the best comebacks ever!

I don't know where to start: the obvious contradictions; the games men play; the sexism and misogyny; where this can play right into a relationship with a pwBPD?

[Skip]

Corey Wayne has a charming "I'm your older older brother" style - and he has a "safe" and motivating message. He has a likable personality and has a good voice if your feeling defeated. This is not new stuff.  Just a new style, a "millennials" presentation style. If your relationship is crashing, he'll coach you to not spew weakness and clingyness all over your girlfriend or lose your cool and dig the hole deeper.  He'll motivate you to have conviction. He is good at this.

Is there more?

I'm not sure there is - or needs to be.  This is what he does.

Is his book "life transforming" as he says? Should we read "over and over" as he suggests?  That would be a stretch.

The scope of his advice is very narrow and targeted at men who are having a hard time in the early stages of dating someone. Even in this arena, he has some shortfalls - this is from "how to post a profile on a dating site" for example.  

About Me & Who I’m Looking For

I love beautiful, confident, and sexy women that are completely comfortable being feminine. Are you drop dead gorgeous, healthy, confident, secure, optimistic, sexually open, flexible, giving, intelligent, honest, outgoing (a social butterfly), fun, great communicator (my life is a drama-free zone), understands men, affectionate, sexy, happy, and very feminine? My ideal woman is between 5′-0″ and 5′-9″ tall, slender, and in great shape with a great body, long and straight brown, black, red, or auburn hair, dark eyes, and clear tan skin. Heath, exercise and a healthy diet are a big part of her life.

web.archive.org/web/20110809025917

Is a confident and upbeat profile good idea - absolutely. Should we say what we want - yes, good stuff.  Is this a good example of that - no, it's way overdone.  I think it would be a mistake to buy into his advice and examples too literally or think that good relationships are created by "the art of pulling back to create attraction". Yes, being clingy is bad - really bad - stop it if you're doing it. Stand tall.  But also know that there is a lot more to successful relationships (a lot more) once you get past this point.   He doesn't cover this.  

That said, his message about the importance of being confident and secure and of learning how to read people are very valid. Reading people (solid empathy skills) and reacting in a confident way (emotionally mature) is good advice.

If you like his presentation style, let it be a door opener and motivator for seeking out and getting more knowledge.  If he motivates you to start the process of greater self-awareness and digging deeper - that's a good thing.

[Trog]

I think a lot of what Corey Wayne says borders on misogyny, I don't know what kind of girls he is dating and accepting to be preaching that advice but some of his stuff, about having a purpose, being grounded and not coming from a place of lack does ring true. However you don't need Corey Wayne to learn those things.

I found some of his videos helpful when it comes to valuing yourself…

like any advice, you take what you need.

[BorisAcusio]

His target audience doesn't necessarily have the experience to cherry picking between his ideas. They get a complete package with some useful concepts but mostly junk psychology, and may eventually wind up in the PUA community (pick up artists).

We have plenty of scientifically, morally grounded methods to achieve the desired state of well-being, here. An example from Schema Therapy:

The Healthy Adult is comfortable making decisions, is a problem-solver, thinks before acting, is appropriately ambitious, sets limits and boundaries, nurtures self and others, forms healthy relationships, takes on all responsibility, sees things through, and enjoys/partakes in enjoyable adult activities and interests with boundaries enforced, takes care of his/her physical health, and values him/herself. In this schema mode the patient focuses on the present day with hope and strives toward the best tomorrow possible. The Healthy Adult forgives the past, no longer sees him/herself as a victim (but as a survivor), and expresses all emotions in ways which are healthy and cause no harm.[

[once removed]

im not even saying he literally says nothing true, although thats a pretty low bar. the guy is a glorified pickup artist. barely glorified at that. even when he states something "true" the foundation is very sketchy. for example, dont project neediness, "youre being a woman!". "youre being the gay male boyfriend!".  

what he teaches essentially is how to attempt to "manage" and push pull emotionally immature women. sure, you might get some of the results he describes if thats what you choose to do. or you might not.

many (most?) who arrive here are understandably, desperately wanting to heal. people like shari schreiber, shrink4men, or corey wayne for that matter, use language that attracts and appeals to such people. so do psychics. frankly i see little difference.

importantly, i think a great deal of what he says is dangerous for a person recovering from a BPD relationship. maybe even more dangerous for someone still in one.

his article here is a pretty good example of his attitude and advice toward women:

"Most women are bi-sexual.  However, if you come right out and ask them if they are bi-sexual, most of them will say no. Researchers have done studies with heterosexual men and women. They show videos of men and women having sex, a guy having sex with two women together (threesomes, foursomes, etc.), women having sex with other women, and men having sex with other men. The results? Universally, heterosexual men and women were turned on by women on women, guy on girl, guy and multiple girls. Universally, heterosexual men and women were turned off by guys having sex with other guys. What does that mean? All women are bi-sexual. They’re all lesbians.  "

web.archive.org/web/20120114075803/

Following his conclusion, either most or all males are bisexual too. Interestingly, he cites none of this research.

[Copperfox]

I like him. I don't agree with everything he says, but he does give good advice, sometimes.

I think there are some better resources out there, things that predate Corey Wayne, and have a little more depth. You might be interested in those.

[Trog]

Back in May I'd also been watching Wayne. One thing he mentions is that if a girl is disrespectful or disordered we shouldn't be getting involved. Some relationships, no matter how sorted we are, just can't work out because the other halves are too messed up and toxic.

For pwBPD I think Wayne can give a false sense of hope and although some of the advise he gives on our own self esteem is valid stuff we may be in a vulnerable place to read that with our old rescuing hats on. It would have been certainly a danger for me if I'd come across him any earlier in my healing.

[fromheeltoheal]

One thing he says that I totally agree with is we must always be aware of the level of attraction someone we're dating has for us, and if there isn't any or it's low, don't chase, walk away.  Man, if I'd taken that advice with my borderline ex we wouldn't have lasted very long at all, maybe a couple of months.  

[livednlearned]

It sounds to me like he is recommending that guys with one type of insecure attachment style (anxious) should try another insecure attachment style (avoidant), as though those are the only options. Maybe that's as good as Corey Wayne can imagine for people?

Someone who has an anxious attachment style is more likely to cling and pursue (protest behaviors) when the romantic partner pulls away. Someone with an avoidant attachment is going to hold others at arm's length and be aloof. Neither of these styles are effective at creating secure attachments.

People with anxious attachment styles tend to be attracted to avoidant attachment styles. It's like Corey is suggesting that guys swap one for the other, so they can be the one pushing the partner away instead of pursuing them. Even though both are fundamentally insecure.

Skip said,

his message about the importance of being confident and secure and of learning how to read people are very valid and good points.  Reading people (solid empathy skills) and reacting in a confident way (emotionally mature) is good advice.

If you like his presentation style, let it be a door opener and motivator for seeking out and getting more knowledge.  If he motivates you to start the process of greater self-awareness and digging deeper - that's a good thing.

Having a greater self-awareness is the path to having a secure attachment style. A big part of that is also being an effective communicator -- you have to know what you value, and how you feel, to do that in a relationship.

[eeks]

His target audience doesn't necessarily have the experience to cherry picking between his ideas. They get a complete package with some useful concepts but mostly junk psychology, and may eventually wind up in the PUA community (pick up artists).

We have plenty of scientifically, morally grounded methods to achieve the desired state of well-being, here. An example from Schema Therapy:

The Healthy Adult is comfortable making decisions, is a problem-solver, thinks before acting, is appropriately ambitious, sets limits and boundaries, nurtures self and others, forms healthy relationships, takes on all responsibility, sees things through, and enjoys/partakes in enjoyable adult activities and interests with boundaries enforced, takes care of his/her physical health, and values him/herself. In this schema mode the patient focuses on the present day with hope and strives toward the best tomorrow possible. The Healthy Adult forgives the past, no longer sees him/herself as a victim (but as a survivor), and expresses all emotions in ways which are healthy and cause no harm.[

I completely agree.  Methods that are not only scientifically and morally grounded, but also begin by helping the person know themselves, their own emotions and experience in relationship, and building confidence from the inside out (which I believe is the only effective and lasting way to do it), rather than putting on a veneer of "manliness" from the outside, which can only ever be temporary and in my view will not help the person towards healthy intimacy.  

Someone who has an anxious attachment style is more likely to cling and pursue (protest behaviors) when the romantic partner pulls away. Someone with an avoidant attachment is going to hold others at arm's length and be aloof. Neither of these styles are effective at creating secure attachments.

People with anxious attachment styles tend to be attracted to avoidant attachment styles. It's like Corey is suggesting that guys swap one for the other, so they can be the one pushing the partner away instead of pursuing them. Even though both are fundamentally insecure.

Yes this is exactly it.  He seems to be urging them to adopt a sort of a "faux secure" style which in practice turns out to be avoidant.  You said "maybe that's as good as [Corey Wayne] can imagine for people?"  - most likely his own attachment style is insecure!  To me this just underscores the importance of being wary about taking advice from people who may not have done enough of their own self-awareness work.

[NorthWoods323]

Hi everyone. I am new here and I'm not sure if I'm posting correctly or if I'm even supposed to be here. I'm not entirely sure if I have BPD or not. But I came across this thread while researching further into Corey Wayne's work.

I have been following his work for about a year now and I attribute my early success in my current relationship to him. But reading this thread made me realize that following his work in a long term relationship might not be healthy. And lately I have been having problems more so with myself in the relationship. If I follow what Corey says, then I should leave this girl for someone who meets all my needs. But then I'll watch a video where he describes how you yourself can change over time and your needs can change and so can the needs of others. So wouldn't it make more sense to work things out with someone who you really love than to leave them because they didn't meet every single one of your expectations?

I would love to get the input of all of you because those who have posted here seem to have a deeper understanding of these things. And I want to be a better person for my girlfriend. Following Corey's work has made me hold in all negative feelings and kept me from fully expressing myself out of fear that it will make me look insecure and needy and turn my girlfriend off. It would definitely seem, as one member has pointed out, that I have become avoidant instead of anxious by following his work. What I really want is to be healthy and confident for myself and for my relationship.

I'd love to post about my experiences applying Corey's work to my relationship and what it has done for me and also discuss the story of my relationship so that I can find helpful and healthy resources to becoming a more confident person. Again, I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be here or posted correctly so I apologize if either are the case. Let me know and any input would be greatly appreciated.

[Skip]

To talk about your own experiences, the Saving Board is best. We would really like to hear about it!