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Author Topic: Trying to detach  (Read 508 times)
10Isgirl
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1


« on: September 16, 2015, 02:56:51 AM »

The roller coaster ride has been almost 4 years. It gets worse every time we "try again".

I feel I'll thinking of the lies and betrayal but walking away for good is more strength  then I have. Why is this so? I am a smart, fit, active women with plenty of interest from other suitors.

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RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

an0ught
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic Partner
Relationship status: married
Posts: 5048



« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2015, 03:12:15 PM »

Hi 10Isgirl,

I feel I'll thinking of the lies and betrayal but walking away for good is more strength  then I have. Why is this so? I am a smart, fit, active women with plenty of interest from other suitors.

this is a question worth some time pondering about and often it takes quite some time for people to figure parts of it out. But don't judge yourself too harshly . Pursuing the question may well teach you at some point thing your upbringing, other shaping influences including biological and who you are right now. For whatever reasons staying fulfills an important need for you.

Right now you are staying - that carries a cost - you are paying it - no point in beating yourself up about the choice. Another choice would have been leaving - that also carries a cost.

Fear and drama can often make it more difficult to look objectively at your relationship. Fear also activates the attachment system making it harder to walk. Take a look at the LESSONS and try to learn the basic skills to deal with a pwBPD - validation and boundaries. They are extremely valuable life skills in any case. They also help to reduce drama which may give you some space to think clearer 

Welcome,

a0
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