The blame game

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

It's easy to blame, but it hurts significantly that my ex boyfriend, blamed me for the desolation of our relationship.

Does he feel any remorse, should I've tried harder? I have so many questions ringing through my head to make sense of the breakup, and it's antagonizing me.

[JamieMarie23]

It's easy to blame, but it hurts significantly that my ex boyfriend, blamed me for the desolation of our relationship.

Does he feel any remorse, should I've tried harder? I have so many questions ringing through my head to make sense of the breakup, and it's antagonizing me.

[Bigmd]

Jamie thats what they do. When me and exBPDgf broke up she blamed me for everything. Going so far as to call me selfish and immature. This couldn't be farther from the truth . As I paid for everything and did everything to help the relationship. She was the immature one with her silent treatment and fits of anger. This is called projection.its what they do.

[Pou]

My PSP wife would blame me for the exact disgusting things that she does on me.  They are horrible things and abusive.  And yet, she would blame it as if she is the victim and it I am the offender.  It is quite strange and disgusting.  I am so stupid, because it took me so long to finally figure it out.  But I don't call this a disorder, I really see it more like psychopathic behaviors.  Because they know it is a way that they can use to control you by accusing you something they do against you.  For example, Kim Jun Un accuse of his uncle disloyal and executed him with a small missile.  Now, if you think about it, Kim is the violator of loyalty and he shift the blame to justify his psychopathic behaviors.  This happens in our lives more then you think.  In marriage, at work, between friends... .if you just sit down and reflect, the only thing stop them blowing you away is that they don't own a missile and they are not an absolute dictator with that option on the table.  Otherwise, they may just have done it.

[JamieMarie23]

How did y'all cope?

I know I didn't do anything wrong, and I gave everything (my heart, my soul), only to wound up hurt.

When did you finally come to terms with the fact that you're not in the wrong like they think you are?

[hollycat]

I cope because I know the truth. I am NOT the abusive, neglectful, despicable lying thief he says I am. Going to work to earn a living does NOT make me abusive and neglectful. I am NOT despicable. I didn't lie to him. I didn't steal from him.  Their truth is distorted, so we should not take it to heart. Just because they say it, doesn't make it true.  Know yourself, know what you did to make the relationship work, and go no contact. Look ahead to a more peaceful, fulfilling life.

[JamieMarie23]

Thank you. I'm moving out of state within the next month, so a fresh start in a new place will help me move on.

He could've used this website before any of this happened. Maybe then we could've found a way to make it work.

[Bigmd]

Well 2.5 months out I'm still coping. When she broke up with me over the phone I was so confused and had no reply to her argument. In her eyes I was the devil. She said the relationship was based on sex, I had some kind of control on her , I'm selfish, don't know how to treat a woman, the list goes on. It wasn't until weeks later I found out about BPD. Now it makes sense. The insecurity, jealous ness, silent treatment, and fits of anger. I felt better but I still hurt and I feel damaged to say the least. I've been doing therapy for years so I just increased my visits. How far out of relationship are you?

[JamieMarie23]

The first excuse he made when he told me why he broke up with me was because he was unhappy about our sex life, and then the second time (probably the last time, I hope), he said it had nothing to do with the sex.

This guy is driving me crazy (and not in a good way).

We were involved since February, and he dumped me last month after I told him I was willing to make compromises, but then he went and found someone else a week later...

[Bigmd]

Wow. There is no use I learned in trying to make sense of what they say. Two weeks before she gave me ST, she told me how I treat her like a princess . Than 2 weeks later she's unhappy and dumps me. You will learn not to take it personal and try to stay NC. I was doing great until I broke the NC last week. Big mistake! This site is a big help. You will find a lot of stories like your own. Compromises mean nothing to them. Nothing is ever good enough.

[JamieMarie23]

I'm certainly glad I'm not the only one going through a hard time.

At this point, I really need to put myself back together, and put myself first. I've done so much for him, and it wasn't enough.

This was definitely a different relationship experience nonetheless.

[Bigmd]

Your lucky it's been less than a year. Some people are in it way longer. I got divorced for mine. Something she never wanted to hear. As of late I'm having a real hard time. Probably the worst pain ive ever had.

[JamieMarie23]

Seeing as those I lost my virginity to him, it'll hurt for a while, but I'm not being fair to myself by holding on.