Four Years Out

[HostNoMore]

I intend this as a message of hope for those in the various stages of recovery.  Exactly four years ago, I was an emotional disaster from a 3 month BPD relationship.  My doctor had me on Klonipin to keep my anxiety under control.  Time crept by so slowly it was almost like being a child again.  Thoughts of her and the abandonment consumed me.  Time passed I thought of her less.  The folks on this board who allowed me to express myself deserve medals to a person.

Four years later she is an insignificant chapter of my life. It took nearly two years for her to stop contacting me.  Not once did she successfully reengage me.

I am now enjoying the blessings of having experienced a BPD relationship.  My boundaries are strong.  I recognize dysfunctional people by simple instinct and know how to handle them.

As painful as the experience was for me, the wisdom I gained has made it  worthwhile.  I am much stronger and better for the experience.  I would not have believed a word I just wrote four years ago, yet here I am writing it.  Thank to everyone who helped me.

For those just undergoing recovery from these highly dysfunctional people, never give up hope.  Each day will bring you closer to a new and improved you.  You will eventually look back on this horrible experience as a privilege granted to you to grow and not as the very painful experience it now is. 

[Darsha500]

Thank you so much for Sharing this HostNoMore.

Your words affirm my own suspicions and sentiments as of late. I am currently about 3 months post BU, and am bothered that i will likely be grieving far longer than the relationship even lasted (3 months).

However, earlier today, I was reflecting on the future. I thought about how years from now, or however long, Ill be able to look back on this ordeal from a completely different frame of reference. I'll look back on it as a turning point in my life. I'll look back on it and reflect, "If it were not the lessons I learned from that relationship, I wouldn't be the man I am today."

Your words bring me courage, they enliven me, and inspire my fighting spirit.

Just earlier today, at the gym, I was telling myself, ":)on't you get it? I will never give up!" Nothing is going to stop me from getting beyond this fiasco.

I look forward to the future, and am convinced that the benefits of this relationship - the self-knowledge I have gained, this conviction that THIS IS WHO I AM! take it or leave it, this ability to unapologetically be me - I know that these lessons will be foundational to my future.

sincere thanks.

[HostNoMore]

Your words bring me courage, they enliven me, and inspire my fighting spirit.

That's what I like to hear! You're very welcome.

A few weeks ago I had to drop a friend off near where she lives.  The only thing I could think about was how anyone would consciously pay good money to live in the most aesthetically undesirable part of my area to live. This place is a wasteland and an uncontrolled mix of beaten down trailers and houses both new and old. I could have never driven there prior without being triggered. 

It takes a while, but the results are truly worth it. 

I recently had another PD person try to infect my life.  He is not BPD, but he threatened to burn my house down if I did not give him what he wanted which was to squat in my home for free. I used the BPD handling techniques I learned here on him, and they worked like a charm.  I'm in the process of establishing no contact and ejecting him from my life.  The skills I learned from my BPD experience really came in handy with him. 

[Fr4nz]

I recently had another PD person try to infect my life.  He is not BPD, but he threatened to burn my house down if I did not give him what he wanted which was to squat in my home for free. I used the BPD handling techniques I learned here on him, and they worked like a charm.  I'm in the process of establishing no contact and ejecting him from my life.  The skills I learned from my BPD experience really came in handy with him. 

This is interesting! Can you tell us more about this? :D

Anyway, about your ex, did you reach the stage of indifference? I hope you don't hate her, she has a disorder... .

[hopealways]

I really appreciate people who are so many years of NC with their BPDx posting on this board, it really helps and motivates us to know that there is a better life out there if we just maintain NC.  You have obviously moved on but to take the time out to write to us is great of you. Thanks.