uBPDh dysregulated

[LilMe]

So he pulled the covers off the bed where I was sleeping and has been yelling at me for a couple hours. I am hiding in my daughters room with the baby now. All this because I was offered a part time job working from home and I wanted to do it. My poor children. How can I possibly protect them. I can hardly keep myself sane.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

Is this some form of jealousy in that you will be focused on something other than his needs?

What does this job entail that is so triggering?

Is it possible to concentrate on a home based job without him distracting you?

Is there anywhere you could go until things are calmer?

Sorry you are feeling so trapped and helpless

[Beacher]

Do you need the income, does he possibly feel threatened that he is not providing? Sometimes you just never know the reason behind the rage. So sorry you are going through this at such an early time in the morning, not the way to start your day! Maybe today you can go somewhere to catch  up on some sleep, you and the kids must be exhausted. Are you getting help for yourself? I was lost and hiding my hubbys behavior from the world and the stress I was carrying around with me was overwhelming, I felt so defeated and drained. Please stay safe and glad you reached out to this site.

[LilMe]

Yes, Waverider, he doesn't want me to do anything that isn't totally focused on him.  I can handle interruptions (I have 9 children , but he will not allow me to do anything apart from him.  I had a successful business for 20 years, but when we got together, he made me quit it.  He gave all the right-sounding reasons (so I didn't have to work, could spend more time together, etc), but in reality it was out of jealousy.  I only leave the house to drive him or the children places, he doesn't let me talk on the phone (interrupts, yells), yet he says I spend zero time on him or our family.?

As I work on myself and get stronger and stop reacting to his projection and rage, he feels threatened.  He keeps accusing me of plotting to leave.  I wish.  He took all access to money away from me.  I have allowed myself to be totally controlled by him (especially legally and financially) so there is no going anywhere.  At best, I can legally leave with the children Sun. nite to Thurs. nite, but he wouldn't let me come back if I did.  He also says it is child abuse to take the children places in the car.

I hate knowing others have suffered like this, Beacher!  It is horrible to have the person who we trusted with ourselves and was so kind and loving come to hate us for reasons we can't understand!  Thankfully others do know and are very supportive.  I stupidly signed off on a custody agreement out of fear (no lawyer; no money - long story) so now I am stuck here for the sake of the children.  I am honestly trying tho and do love him, as sick as that is!

He has been in and out of the house today.  Each time he comes in he yells at me, but it is diminishing as the day goes on.  It will likely ramp back up tonight when we are supposed to go to a gathering at a friend's.  He has decided that I wasn't invited (not true, our family was invited while I was present).  He is blind, so I have to drive us and I am certainly not sitting in the car!  I kind of hope he will act up there as the gathering is at the home of one of his few friends who is a Christian and great father/husband and would hold him accountable if he knew what was happening.

It helps knowing you all are here and understand, thank you!