I'll never forget my therapist calmly saying to me, "spouses of BPD's almost never live a happy life. Recognize how sick you are for even wanting to be in a relationship with her"
Zen,
The impression that I get is that a part of your conversation with your T was maybe about going back to your ex and what the T thought about it and that's your T's feedback. You have feedback from the staying board and the comment that struck a chord with you is that some members feel obligated to stay because of family.
I hear conflicted feelings like there's a part of you that feels like you should go back but another part of you is warning you not to go back because it sounds like you're listening to the advice of your T and the staying board and maybe you have family and friends in the mix too. I'm trying to get this in context. Is there a part of you that wants to go back but your gut is telling you otherwise? It sounds to me like you want a friendly push to go back to her?