Hey butterfly-
I agree with your T, it's best to let him go and move on, but how? You aren't going to get beyond a 2 year relationship in a couple of weeks, but you can certainly do what's best for you one day at a time, that's the good news really, a renewed focus on what's best for you, discipline, healthy thought patterns, and taking care of yourself will all benefit you, and when you do fully detach you'll be stronger and wiser.
So first off, social media and dating sights aren't doing you any favors, do you agree? If you do want to use Facebook or whatever, you might want to try blocking him and not going to his page, are you strong enough for that yet? If not you may consider closing your account entirely for a while at least, along with those on dating sites, since you're probably not considering dating anyone else right now.
And there's a letting go to all of that. A letting go of the hope that the relationship could work out, a letting go of him and what you had; the distance between a sliver of hope and no hope at all is a huge leap, but a necessary one if you're committed to detaching. Apart from eliminating ongoing info about him from entering your world, it's also vital that you start to envision your future, a bright future of your own design, one without him in it. What would that look like?
I second all of this. Stay off social media. Don't drive past his house or his work place. Just stay off. If it hurts, DON"T DO IT. Why would you do something that hurts? Don't do stuff that hurts!
I started dating myself. Literally. That is how I started. The nights we would typically do something, I took myself out- alone. I went to Nordstroms, then I went to my favorite restaurant and had a couple glasses of my favorite wine, and some excellent soup. Then I stopped by a friend's house to say hello for a bit and enjoyed a beautiful evening outdoors. The next day, I carried it over. I went to the gym. I got a manicure. I colored my hair. I did some housework with music on. etc.
Tonight is my date night with myself... .although it does include going to therapy. But after that I am going to do precisely whatever the heck i want to. Sometimes, i literally ask myself "What do I want to do right now?"... .and as long as it isn't contacting him... .i do exactly what I want. It's been awesome.
Right now, do not do anything that you don't absolutely want to be doing. Do exactly what YOU want to do.
Don't put yourself out there on social media. He is probably looking at you. Give him nothingness.
The next thing I started doing is really evaluating the relationship with my parents... .because I truly feel it is the key to figuring out your issues in romantic relationships. Life works like this:
we choose the romantic partner that most closely maps onto our most dysfunctional parental relationship. So, my best guess is you have some issues with a parent that you tried to heal by staying in a relationship with your BPDx. (that's messed up isn't it?)
If someone had said this to me when I was in your stages (and people did), I scoffed at it... .i thought "no way- I don't have issues with my parents". But the more I dug into it, guess what, I figured out I am the daughter of a narcissistic mother--- just about as close to BPD as one can get. So, it has blown open everything I thought was wrong with myself. I don't have BPD, but I am co-dependent and have some narc qualities that I learned from my mother... .and figuring out how to heal this has become key to my recovery. I have become obsessed with self-improvement... .addicted as another person put it on here. Addicted to self-improvement. It feels weird to be so selfish. It feels weird to be so introspective... .but right now you need it.
So where I am at: I date myself. I basically committed social media suicide, and LOVE it. I became an addict of self-improvement. I am completely committed to rebuilding a new and improved life for myself. I am committed to building better friendships. I am building a better me.
The key to letting go of him is filling the vacuum with something else. Nature abhors a vacuum... .so you have to fill your time, your brain, your life with something else. If you don't fill it with something else, you will be stuck stalking your ex.
