Can borderlines have stable relationships with their partners and friends as long as everything goes their way?
BPD presents itself in various ways and some people with this disorder might be better able to have stable relationships than others. It also depends on the extent to which they acknowledge their issues and are willing to work on them.
It seems that you are talking about a specific type of situation here though, relationships with people who might be doing everything to please the person with BPD. That would mean these relationships are possibly only stable as a result of the other person totally accommodating the person with BPD, quite possibly at their own expense.
My step mom has a stable relationship with my father and her few friends and ive noticed that everything goes her way with them so she has no reason to get mad. I wonder what would happen if anyone tried to cross her?
When you look at how your father and your stepmother's friends interact with her, how would you classify those relationships? Do they seem normal to you or do you perhaps feel like they are enabling your stepmother? Do you perhaps feel that some of their behavior towards your stepmother might be out of fear, obligation and/or guilt?
Also, Can borderlines appear normal outside of the home to others because they try to put on an act and have everyone think they are perfect?
Many members here have shared stories about how other people (outsiders) often find it hard to believe that their BPD family-member might have a totally different side to them. It does seem that at least some people with BPD are able to portray themselves quite differently to the outside world compared to how people close to them experience them. People with BPD often struggle most with close relationships so that's one of the factors involved here. This struggling can be for various reasons such as the intense fear of abandonment many people with BPD have.
Another thing to consider is that often the distinction is made between low and high functioning borderlines. High functioning borderlines tend to be able to function quite well in certain contexts (for instance at work) while struggling in other contexts (for instance at home).
