Cohesive Moment

[Depression = 72% of members]

I just got off the phone with my stbx husband. He said he was glad to be able to talk to me. He said he meant everything he said to me the night we talked when he was drunk. He said this girl was on some kind of birth control that did not work. He saw the bills for the birth control, that it was some kind of injection. Sounds fishy to me. He told me they both decided not to get married any time soon. They both have been married and don't need to rush into it. If he does at all. Something about how it would look to walk down the isle with her big belly for them! They are making plans to move closer to her home town so that she can still work. He said that he is kinda nervous but excited about the baby. He knows that the two of them are not quite a perfect match, but will not say anything bad about her because she is going to be his child's mother. I told him I really don't see him with a country redneck girl when he is so conservative! He said he has been allot better about not drinking so much and he hasn't had any incidents this whole year. He thinks about me all the time... .sounds like how I am, when you see a car and you think it's them... .and he thinks allot about our time together and he misses the fun we had and all the things we could do. They don't have any money, so it is a very different life than we had. He implied that I could take him back, that I could be a part of this child's life? But he knows I am not interested in that. That's just weird! He said I will always be a big part of his life. I just feel so sad right now. Why is it he is acting like a normal person for 15 minutes... .why can't he stay that way? Why didn't he stay that way before... .? Am I just being temporarily fooled? I know he is a drunk and a liar! Why am I letting this get to me? I told him when I hear cops and ambulances I think of him... .he said, well that doesn't sound like the sign of a healthy relationship. He seems to still blame the cops on our relationship... .that's why I don't understand why this is not happening to him now. He seems to be stress free, but how can a pending divorce, pending felony, pending baby and a new gf possible pending marriage not be stressful? Is a baby what he needs to calm down? Please help... .

[Herodias]

I just got off the phone with my stbx husband. He said he was glad to be able to talk to me. He said he meant everything he said to me the night we talked when he was drunk. He said this girl was on some kind of birth control that did not work. He saw the bills for the birth control, that it was some kind of injection. Sounds fishy to me. He told me they both decided not to get married any time soon. They both have been married and don't need to rush into it. If he does at all. Something about how it would look to walk down the isle with her big belly for them! They are making plans to move closer to her home town so that she can still work. He said that he is kinda nervous but excited about the baby. He knows that the two of them are not quite a perfect match, but will not say anything bad about her because she is going to be his child's mother. I told him I really don't see him with a country redneck girl when he is so conservative! He said he has been allot better about not drinking so much and he hasn't had any incidents this whole year. He thinks about me all the time... .sounds like how I am, when you see a car and you think it's them... .and he thinks allot about our time together and he misses the fun we had and all the things we could do. They don't have any money, so it is a very different life than we had. He implied that I could take him back, that I could be a part of this child's life? But he knows I am not interested in that. That's just weird! He said I will always be a big part of his life. I just feel so sad right now. Why is it he is acting like a normal person for 15 minutes... .why can't he stay that way? Why didn't he stay that way before... .? Am I just being temporarily fooled? I know he is a drunk and a liar! Why am I letting this get to me? I told him when I hear cops and ambulances I think of him... .he said, well that doesn't sound like the sign of a healthy relationship. He seems to still blame the cops on our relationship... .that's why I don't understand why this is not happening to him now. He seems to be stress free, but how can a pending divorce, pending felony, pending baby and a new gf possible pending marriage not be stressful? Is a baby what he needs to calm down? Please help... .

[Herodias]

He just called again... .I let it go to voicemail. I can't take the pain it causes me to talk to him. He said "just wanted to call and see how your day went... .call me anytime"... .he was used to calling me all the time and I would pick up! A friend of mine said it's got to be pretty awful to have no one to talk to about your pregnant gf except your soon to be ex wife!

[Mutt]

Hi Herodias,

I think that you have the right idea with letting the call go voicemail for self protection. It takes a non-disordered person time to heal from these wounds. He is disordered but he is still responsible for his life choices. I understand how that feels when we have moments were our ex partners are sharing honest and true feelings. BPD is a disorder that effects emotional regulation and our ex partners are not always dysregulated or unstable, it takes a pwBPD a lot longer to return to their baseline.

[antelope]

I think that you have the right idea with letting the call go voicemail for self protection. It takes a non-disordered person time to heal from these wounds.

^^this is why no contact is so essential

it allows us to see things for what they really are.   we are so bamboozled with their chaos and overreactions that we lose sight of ourselves and reality... .

keep your distance and heal... .bring peace and predictability back into your life on a consistent basis, and before long you'll realize the quicksand you were standing in before