The drama continues

[raytamtay3]

Saturday around 10:30 PM a car pulled up with two women.  I just so happened to be outside when they pulled up and they called me by name.  I said yes, and you are?  At first they didn't respond as they walked up to me.  Turns out they were from child protective services... .

I immediately thought they were there from the principle calling about what some child said my son had said a few weeks ago (which nobody ever came so I have no idea what happened there). So when it didn't phase me that they were there, the one woman asked if I was expecting them and I said yes... .She said she was there for an incident that occurred last weekend. I responded well actually it was a few weeks ago, again thinking it was the school incident. I then asked her what she was there for after realizing it wasn't why I thought... .

Well as it turns out, in DD's therapy session Saturday afternoon, she told the therapist about the incident that occurred last week and told the therapist I punched her in the mouth... .false.  I did not punch her in the mouth nor did my attempt to block a hit from her direct contact to her face.  Anyway, they did their investigations (talked with DS8, my mom, DD (who said she did not say I hit her) and my DH and me, and left and said someone else may or may not stop by at a later date.  I am so done.  

DD maintains to me that I did punch her.  She admitted she was drinking that night and didn't remember a lot the day after however.  I am not worried because we have it on video and told the CPS women, and they didn't ask to see it though.  I told DH (the keeper of the camera stuff) to make sure he saves it.  I have not seen it but DH said I did not land a punch and that DD was pushing me around and then put me in a headlock and got a few punches in.  I think I'm going to ask to see it tonight... .

I am so completely exhausted and spent today that I don't even know how I made it to work today.  My anxiety is through the roof.  I have off the week after Xmas and I am going back to my doctor to be put on something before I have another stroke.

I had a long talk with DD today telling her things need to change NOW.  I have had enough and the foot is down.   I will be damned if I allow anyone to put me in jeopardy of losing my son. That is where I draw the line. I said the weed smoking stops now and if I see it, I'm throwing it away and calling the police. It is over.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Eyeamme]

Whew. How frustrating and overwhelming that must feel. I see firm boundaries in your future. You do what you have to do to keep your son safe.

[raytamtay3]

I forgot to the mention that at first DH and I were wracking our brains trying to figure out who would have called. When I went to bed that night I checked my phone and there was a message from DD's therapist asking me to call her back, that she had some concerns after talking with DD and that she talked to her supervisor. That's when I realized it was her who called.

It happened before about 4 years ago.  :)D took my cell phone and ran to her room with it and I pinned her up against that wall trying get my phone back right below her neck because she was holding it out of reach.  She then kicked me across the room. She was in an outpatient program at the time and told the therapist there the next day when they asked how the weekend went. She said I was choking her.  I had to call myself when I was there. They said they could or I could because it's their policy.  I get it. I'm glad that they do these investigations for all the little ones out there who are in fact getting abused. But it just stinks having to go through this again. The first one was unfounded and no record was kept. Hopefully this will be the same.

I'm just so tired of this drama. Again, I cannot wait until DD is of age to leave. I am literally trying to rush the days by. Sad.

[mggt]

Dear Ray,  So sorry you had to go through this again,  my d did this years ago to me and the therapist was the one that called the cps on me.  I was so upset with the therapist because we had been seeing her for over a year and I thought she understood our d her lying and making up stories obdiously she didnt because she turned us in so to  that is when I realized that this therapist had no idea how to handle our d and if she believed that then she had no business treating anyone that had BPD she didnt understand all the ins and outs of a BPD .  The level of hurt is so unimaginable to us and to other people who have so called normal kids they cant understand how we keep on forgiving them our d has done this a  couple of times saying I tried to strangle her .  I have left the house couple of times because I was so hurt and angry I stayed at a hotel .  I understand all the medical professionals have to report but... .in this case she was so wrong .  It is very hard to find a compintent phys that can fully understand the minds of BPDs   .  I wish you well and strength if you can go away for a night or two with hubby yourself or your other child .  We are really the only people who understand what a rotten disease this is how it tears whole families apart   

[js friend]

Im so sorry you are going through this ontop of everything else Ray.

My dd has also done this to me a couple of times, and to others including exb/f even managing to get him locked up. All the time going about her business like normal but when it came to it she dropped all the charges.

(... .actually they got back together after he was released, but he is very co-dependant)

I dont think many go through with pressing charges because their version of events keep changing. Still, it is a worrying time.

[jbmom]

I have to commend you on your self control and acceptance. I think if my daughter did that-- and CPS showed up on my steps to question my son who has nothing to do with this drama his sister creates-- I would not be so calm.  I would be looking to move her out of the house.

This is my one rule I established when she was 13 and this all started. I cannot protect her all the time from herself, but if she ever does anything to jeopardize her brother's welfare, I am just not sure if there would be room for her at home. 

I may need to go back through my family connections and come to some radical acceptance... .but I respect your ability to stay connected to your daughter through this chaos.

[unicorn2014]

Hi I can see some of my story in your story, although my daughter hasn't escalated to reporting me to the authorities, she is the one getting in trouble. My daughter refuses counseling, I've been trying to get her in for years. I took her to a couple of sessions and she refused to talk and the counselor said he couldn't work with her. The school guidance counselor said she wasn't interested. My partner says when he moves out here he'll take her to dbt and she didn't seem opposed to that. I've seen her vent to him and he seems to understand her better then me, when I say understand her he can listen without getting trigger. My d also really wants independence but then can't even remember to bring her wallet to school and she won't call or email the employment counselor. I'm at my wits end which means it's time to detach. The police said I might not want to take her phone in case she goes missing again. She went missing twice last week for the first time since she was 5, and that was an accidental missing as opposed to a defiant missing.

Have you worked through all the lessons on the parenting board?

I think it's time I start working through them regarding my daughter.

My partner says he doesn't think she has a disorder but I've been through too much with her to not rule that out .

[raytamtay3]

DD16 made a comment to her therapist that I punched her when she and I were arguing back in December and the therapist took it upon herself to contact CPS.  Not about sexual allegations.  The case evidently did not even materialize as we have not heard anything since them coming up for a 20 minute meeting at our house.