Bitter Sweet

[joel6242]

Today is biter sweet, the past few days I have gotten nothing but good news. I have been offered a six moth contract in Tampa for a year and this morning I have been offered a VP position in Houston (Merry Christmas). I have been in a financial nightmare due to my ex BPD. When I finally asked him to leave, he called 911 and told them I hit him and when that did not work he told them I was driving drunk. I drove across the street with two credit cards, no shoes, and my dogs to let him cool down. The judge thought I called 911 but when he found out is was him, the case took a new direction. It looks good it will get dismissed and the judge has called the to officer back to testify. He is in big trouble for lying. Little by little, my problems are getting sorted out. At the first of the month I had no money but got a very good contract that will get me out of finical disaster by mid January.

2015 has been awful, my ex BPD has put me in jail for 5 days for throwing his drug dealer out of our house in March 2015. I was raped in jail and never got over it. I have bad PTSD over this. I trusted that he would change in July 2015 but of course he did not. I can only tell you from talking to others and my experience, there is a secret life. When I finally got him out, it became clear. I live in north Florida panhandle which is conservative and the court gave my ex BF a permanent restraining order. That is harsh and will affect his life forever. He can not hold a government position or own a gun. Not going into the entire story but he is in trouble with Florida, Illinois, and Colorado at this time. Everything that he did to me is coming back on him.

I see clearly that he is a mess and nothing I can do will fix him. There is a secret life and there is nothing that will fix this situation. Acceptance of the bad behavior is the only hope to keep the relationship going. My problem is that at the end of the day, I feel that I deserve better. This clarity has come from many weeks of no contact.

The bitter is that I still love him very much. I so wish that I could have helped him. I now have to let him go and let him be.