Ending the relationship - pattern of recycle

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi,

Just trying to figure out the possibilities and patterns when do BPDs try to recycle

If the recycling attempt occured, you can comment how and when (how long after the r/s ended)

[blackbirdsong]

Hi,

Just trying to figure out the possibilities and patterns when do BPDs try to recycle

If the recycling attempt occured, you can comment how and when (how long after the r/s ended)

[Inside]

Though the theatrics of ‘ending it’ from my uBPDx were phenomenal, she never really let go... .  It’s when the r/s got ‘too close,’ when ‘too much was expected’ that she’d begin looking to escape. 

And sure enough, after a few weeks... there would come the attempts at contact ... .I’d get roped back in, go a bit longer (7 reups in all), and repeat.  Each recycle lasted a bit less time ... .as I became more aware of the problem and began enforcing boundaries. 

She needed a constant supply of initial infatuation, from anyone.  But when things got serious, and the r/s began to move forward with a logical progression, her abilities were tapped out, had to break it off, suffer the loss, then ‘make up’ ... .with yet another opportunity for it to feel ‘like new.’  Cuz ‘new’ love was her drug!  Lasting love was poison  

[burritoman]

She broke up with me twice, each with a quick recycle (less than a month). This time we're in about 2 months of no contact with no attempt as of yet. She's replaced me, so another recycle attempt may come when she drops him.

[FannyB]

One recycle within a month of the original relationship fracture after I was supportive following the death of a relative. It takes two to recycle however, and I was vulnerable then in a way that I'm not now.


Fanny

[anxiety5]

Though the theatrics of ‘ending it’ from my uBPDx were phenomenal, she never really let go... .  It’s when the r/s got ‘too close,’ when ‘too much was expected’ that she’d begin looking to escape. 

And sure enough, after a few weeks... there would come the attempts at contact ... .I’d get roped back in, go a bit longer (7 reups in all), and repeat.  Each recycle lasted a bit less time ... .as I became more aware of the problem and began enforcing boundaries. 

She needed a constant supply of initial infatuation, from anyone.  But when things got serious, and the r/s began to move forward with a logical progression, her abilities were tapped out, had to break it off, suffer the loss, then ‘make up’ ... .with yet another opportunity for it to feel ‘like new.’  Cuz ‘new’ love was her drug!  Lasting love was poison  

Wow, this REALLY hit home for me. Incredible. Your experience was identical to mine and you have described it in such a matter of fact way, and are 100% right. 

[anxiety5]

Hi,

Just trying to figure out the possibilities and patterns when do BPDs try to recycle

If the recycling attempt occured, you can comment how and when (how long after the r/s ended)

Like a psychic, they instinctively somehow know when you are moving on. Healing, truly getting on with your life (they know when you are acting) And the moment they sense you are really moving forward, thats when they strike.

It's like a cat pouncing on a mouse. They will take a nap awhile until it tries to escape again, before pouncing on it again instinctively. It's a game to them.

[hopealways]

Hi,

Just trying to figure out the possibilities and patterns when do BPDs try to recycle

If the recycling attempt occured, you can comment how and when (how long after the r/s ended)

Like a psychic, they instinctively somehow know when you are moving on. Healing, truly getting on with your life (they know when you are acting) And the moment they sense you are really moving forward, thats when they strike.

It's like a cat pouncing on a mouse. They will take a nap awhile until it tries to escape again, before pouncing on it again instinctively. It's a game to them.

Totally agree anxiety5, and BTW I recommend everyone to read anxiety5's posts they are brilliant.

As far as them being psychic I think another explanation for their recycling attempts occurring exactly as we recover is that when we are discarded they typically have a backup waiting which they jump to while the non grieves. By the time our grieving is over (many months typically) they are getting ready to discard our replacement and can't stand being alone so they attempt a recycle with us.  They never really grieve relationships as they are busy jumping from one to the other.

But I would like to believe they are also psychic.  Mine claims she is a witch. She even asked me if while we are broken up there are Ravens around my house (not sure how she would know this) and in fact there were and they happened to disappear whenever we would get back together. She told me she sends them to watch over and protect me because I have always been so good to her.  The BPD never stops to amaze me with their strange and often creepy stuff. I can't believe I went through this.

[anxiety5]

Hi,

Just trying to figure out the possibilities and patterns when do BPDs try to recycle

If the recycling attempt occured, you can comment how and when (how long after the r/s ended)

Like a psychic, they instinctively somehow know when you are moving on. Healing, truly getting on with your life (they know when you are acting) And the moment they sense you are really moving forward, thats when they strike.

It's like a cat pouncing on a mouse. They will take a nap awhile until it tries to escape again, before pouncing on it again instinctively. It's a game to them.

Totally agree anxiety5, and BTW I recommend everyone to read anxiety5's posts they are brilliant.

As far as them being psychic I think another explanation for their recycling attempts occurring exactly as we recover is that when we are discarded they typically have a backup waiting which they jump to while the non grieves. By the time our grieving is over (many months typically) they are getting ready to discard our replacement and can't stand being alone so they attempt a recycle with us.  They never really grieve relationships as they are busy jumping from one to the other.

But I would like to believe they are also psychic.  Mine claims she is a witch. She even asked me if while we are broken up there are Ravens around my house (not sure how she would know this) and in fact there were and they happened to disappear whenever we would get back together. She told me she sends them to watch over and protect me because I have always been so good to her.  The BPD never stops to amaze me with their strange and often creepy stuff. I can't believe I went through this.

Thank you for the compliment. If I post anything that helps you than I'm glad I can do that. I agree with the Psychic thing. Sure it's a tacky term, not very scientific but what I really mean by that is to be as manipulative as they are, to have this false self that is so in tune to projecting a perfect image to the person they are chasing, that takes class A intuition/perception skills. They are incredibly cunning and many of us wear our hearts on our sleeve. I think they know when we are acting like we are moving on vs when we really are. Not to mention, this is a pattern to them. They are experienced in these relationships, so that's just another way they have fine tuned their ability to really read people.  I swear, my ex reached out THE VERY DAY, I woke up and said to myself (I refuse to let her enter my head at all anymore) after 4 months of no contact. THAT DAY she showed up at my house. It was eery.