whiteblue
 Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 7
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« on: January 18, 2016, 03:19:17 PM » |
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Hi everyone,
ALERT: Crazy story below... .
This is my first post here, and it feels like the biggest step I've made in the last month. I'm 29 years old and live in a western European country.
My (ex)girlfriend broke up with me for the hundredth time about five months ago. The difference between this time and all the other times is that she has blocked me on fb/whatsapp and has mostly ignored me throughout these months except for a few emails. I'll conclude this post with the circumstances of the break-up and why I'm still hoping she'll come back.
I met my girlfriend girl about 2,5 years ago when she came to my country for a year doing an exchange programme, and we fell in love with each other quite quickly. Knowing what BPD looks like, since my mother has it, I started getting the feeling my GF had it as well quite early in our relationship.
After about two months of our relationship it became quite clear that she was constantly torn between breaking up and staying. It was the classic story where she'd become verbally violent and reluctant to stay with me as I begged her to calm down and stay with me. The real moments in which I had enough of it, she crawled back and panicked.
Three months into our relationship my father was arrested for suspicion of laundering tens of millions of euros in criminal money. This was a huge shock to my mother, my family, to my girlfriend and to me. My father was in prison awaiting his trial, and the company he built and everything we had as a family came crumbling down.
My girlfriend panicked and wanted to get away from all of it. Honestly, who can blame her... right? But I told her I loved her and we would get through it all. She stayed. In a strange way, it brought us closer together.
For two long years, I went through hell. I stopped my university studies to try and keep my father's company alive, but it quickly tanked and went bankrupt. My mother, being the unstable pessimist she is, was sure we would lose the family house, and everything we owned. Throughout all of this, I tried to stay positive and optimistic, at least on the outside.
I found a job at a company which paid quite well and it helped me pay the bills and be able to pay the mortgage of the family house so we wouldn't lose it. It didn't help much though. My mother started drinking heavily, my father became more and more depressed as he saw all of his old 'friends' abandon him and I had to keep fighting for it all.
All of the stress the situation caused me, including the stress of my girlfriend trying to tell me to drop my parents and stop helping them, got to me in the end. Though I worked hard, I lost my job because my boss couldn't rely on me any longer as I had to divide time between helping my sick+often drunk mother and visiting my dad in prison. Still I stayed positive.
I protected my girlfriend from all the mess as much as I could. I always told her things were going alright. I noticed that any sign of instability or things going sideways would trigger her into something that I couldn't handle at that time. Even during our 'good' times she would often have moods in which she would blame me for everything that was wrong in the world, and there was nothing I could do to stop her.
Even when she broke up and didn't speak to me for a month... I tried to email her a few times, and she told me I was harassing her and I needed to leave her alone. So when I did just that, she suddenly contacted me and blamed me for not asking how she was doing or getting in touch with her.
Now, finally, all of the mess related to my dad is over... .he is out of prison and taking care of the family again. In the meanwhile, as a result of all that mess I built a company out of nothing that is doing quite well. All the reason for stress is gone, but she is as well.
She left to go to another country in Europe to do a program for about 8 months and broke up with me two months before leaving. She said she couldn't keep a relationship with me while being there.
One week before leaving to that country she mails me if I would want to spend a few days with her in my home country. So we did, we spent a few days together in a hotel and I loved every second of it. It was like we were back together again. She asked me to come and visit her in the country she was going to.
When she was there one week she told me she fell in love with someone else. We had a huge fight about it and that was when she blocked me. She keeps saying I treat her as if I own her. I always gave her all space she needed, and I keep trying to tell her she isn't an object, just someone I care for deeply. But she wouldn't have any of it. She did mail me a few months back that she might want to give it another chance when she returned home, but not now.
I still don't know what to expect... .Despite all the insults, physical and verbal violence, threats, manipulations and whatnot, I have always felt she wasn't herself when she was showing that behaviour, and sooner or later she always realised it and apologized for it. She stayed with me during the hardest time of my life, and I'll never forget that.
Now though, she is in another country ignoring me. She is 28 years old now and I was her first real boyfriend. It isn't easy for her to find someone. I keep wondering... doesn't she miss me? Why won't she contact me? What can I do best to get her back? She is convinced that all of the that was going on before is still there. I want to show her that everything is so much better now, but I can't if she won't let me in.
Now I'm just trying not to contact her so I won't push her away. But I'm afraid that out of sight means out of heart. What should I do? Wait untill she returns to her home country? Mail her from time to time? I'm so lost right now. Last week I thought about ending it all... .I feel like she was the one despite all her flaws, and I only want one thing and that is to get her back.
Sorry for the neverending story, I've never been good at keeping things short.
Thank you for reading.
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