Diagnosis + Treatment
The Big Picture
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? [ Video ]
Five Dimensions of Human Personality
Think It's BPD but How Can I Know?
DSM Criteria for Personality Disorders
Treatment of BPD [ Video ]
Getting a Loved One Into Therapy
Top 50 Questions Members Ask
Home page
Forum
List of discussion groups
Making a first post
Find last post
Discussion group guidelines
Tips
Romantic relationship in or near breakup
Child (adult or adolescent) with BPD
Sibling or Parent with BPD
Boyfriend/Girlfriend with BPD
Partner or Spouse with BPD
Surviving a Failed Romantic Relationship
Tools
Wisemind
Ending conflict (3 minute lesson)
Listen with Empathy
Don't Be Invalidating
Setting boundaries
On-line CBT
Book reviews
Member workshops
About
Mission and Purpose
Website Policies
Membership Eligibility
Please Donate
April 28, 2024, 07:33:05 AM
Welcome,
Guest
. Please
login
or
register
.
1 Hour
5 Hours
1 Day
1 Week
Forever
Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins:
Kells76
,
Once Removed
,
Turkish
Senior Ambassadors:
Cat Familiar
,
EyesUp
,
SinisterComplex
Help!
Boards
Please Donate
Login to Post
New?--Click here to register
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone...
Pages: [
1
]
Go Down
« previous
next »
Print
Author
Topic: Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone... (Read 392 times)
wishfulthinking
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 372
Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone...
«
on:
January 10, 2016, 10:44:04 PM »
I was. There is so much I never told my best friend. I have no family. She's all I have and she lives across the street, so it was harder for him to get me away. But I rarely told her the extent until recently. She suspected more than she let on. But she only supported and hoped I'd come around.
Logged
valet
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 966
Re: Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone...
«
Reply #1 on:
January 10, 2016, 10:59:41 PM »
Hey wishfulthinking, I'm sorry that you feel this way. I think it's alright to feel like that when we feel that we're putting ourselves out there.
What are you ashamed about?
Logged
Thread
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 312
Re: Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone...
«
Reply #2 on:
January 10, 2016, 11:05:33 PM »
I get it. But I'm on the opposite side of trying to talk about it and losing relationships that way as well. No one wants to hear about something that is so hard to understand.
Logged
wishfulthinking
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 372
Re: Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone...
«
Reply #3 on:
January 10, 2016, 11:27:07 PM »
I was ashamed by the things that happened. At first, the fairytale gone bad. Why was he raging at me? He had no explanation except that I was selfish and unappreciative. No reason. Then, sleep deprivation. Would never tell anyone about that. Then, pushing, pulling, shoving, name calling... .no way would I tell anyone. My best friend found out some the night I had to have him arrested because he hurt me pretty good. I took him back. It continued, really embarrassed by that point... oh, I took back someone that physically bruises me regularly, how stupid am I? By the time he choked me about a month and a half ago, I'd already filed for divorce, but found out he'd been on meth, so that was part of his aggression. He stopped and good some better. Let's see if this'll work out. He stole from me. Lied to me. A month and a half ago. I said I was done. Since I hadn't turned him in, he was still in my house. I told him he could stay till he had a place as long as things remained civil. They didn't. Not to mention he blew through my 30,000 in savings because he rarely worked and I had to pay it all. I'm messed up financially, too. Been sued twice but too much equity in my house to file bankruptcy yet credit too poor to get a second mortgage loan. So much my friends don't know because I'd be too embarrassed.
Logged
Thread
Offline
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 312
Re: Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone...
«
Reply #4 on:
January 10, 2016, 11:40:00 PM »
Have you ever thought to find a good therapist who you can talk to about all these things? It may help. Also a good friend is sometimes good. I have two who I am lucky to have who listen and don't judge. But first I would find a really good therapist to help you through this hard time!
Logged
valet
Retired Staff
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 966
Re: Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone...
«
Reply #5 on:
January 10, 2016, 11:47:29 PM »
It's ok to feel ashamed. Look at the circumstances. You gave a lot of yourself, emotionally and financially. Other people might judge that as you being duped.
The big picture here, as I see it, is that it sounds like you think you left a lot on the table. Things that you will never get back. I understand why this triggers strong emotions. And those emotions are ok to have. You've been through a lot.
And one more thing: Physical violence is never alright in any kind of relationship. I'm glad that you're away from the situation.
You're on a new path now. It might seem hard to celebrate that at times. It is still hard for me on occasion as well. Growing is hard, but not impossible. And you're here now, surrounded by a bunch people of information that can help ease the pain that you're feeling.
Logged
Euler2718
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 194
Re: Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone...
«
Reply #6 on:
January 11, 2016, 11:00:16 AM »
I wanna say that, domestic violence experts will tell you, there's a very definite correlation between choking (strangulation) and homicide. In other words, the chokers of today have a high likelihood of becoming killers of their domestic partners. So if those other things are red flags, this is an extra large red flag.
Logged
wishfulthinking
Offline
Gender:
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Relationship status: Married
Posts: 372
Re: Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone...
«
Reply #7 on:
January 11, 2016, 11:22:59 AM »
Tim,
Yes, I have read that correlation. I had filed for divorce previously and we had tried reconciliation, but that was the final straw. My throat hurt to swallow for a month. I couldn't eat anything but mush for 2 weeks. The day after it happened I called my lawyer and told him to schedule the final court date ASAP.
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?
Pages: [
1
]
Go Up
Print
BPDFamily.com
>
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
>
Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
> Topic:
Who was too embarrassed or ashamed to tell anyone...
« previous
next »
Jump to:
Please select a destination:
-----------------------------
Help Desk
-----------------------------
===> Open board
-----------------------------
Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+)
-----------------------------
=> Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup
=> Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting
=> Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship
-----------------------------
Children, Parents, or Relatives with BPD
-----------------------------
=> Son, Daughter or Son/Daughter In-law with BPD
=> Parent, Sibling, or In-law Suffering from BPD
-----------------------------
Community Built Knowledge Base
-----------------------------
=> Library: Psychology questions and answers
=> Library: Tools and skills workshops
=> Library: Book Club, previews and discussions
=> Library: Video, audio, and pdfs
=> Library: Content to critique for possible feature articles
=> Library: BPDFamily research surveys
Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife
Loading...