i feel trapped within the echo of the drama of the relationship

[Didntdeservethat]

My ex BP, BPD, Scitzophenic gf had an incredible ability to abuse me and make me feel guilty even getting me to apologise in order to make the conflict go away. Since we broke up ive recalled so many horrific events id suppressed. I am completly confused as to whom to blame for the demise of the relationship should lay with. I understand my failure to enforce boundaries and the ensuing codependency was my problem but what confuses me is if id enforced those boundaries the conflicts would have only increased. I feel trapped by the memories of what i was put through yet the flashbacks and my inability to find logic is holding me there.

Now ive read the cycle of BPD and im not going to pretend to underdstand how someone so high functioning as my ex couldve told me and everyone that we had the greatest relationship and yet at the same time tell others that she was abused controled. I realise she is not well but i must ask two questions.

1. If they are so highfunctioning which appears to be the case in many examples how can they knowingly without regret destroy what they love and then tell everyone within days of saying she loved me that i was the most evil person she has ever met.

2. Why did she over the final year of our relationship tell me she loved me and that she appreciated how much support love and care i provided for her while at the same time painted a horrific picture of abuse, control, manipulation even sexual abuse to the outside world.

[Turkish]

For a pwBPD, we refer to this as he psychological defense mechansism of:

BPD BEHAVIORS: Splitting

It's not limited to pwBPD, however.

That being said, it can be really confusing, not to mention hurtful, to be split black and white and black again. Publicly, it can be shaming. My Ex did it to me, though with not quite as severe language.

My T referred to in two similar ways: compartmentalization,.and more applicable, a dis-integrated personality.

Does it help to think that whatever she is feeling at the time is real to her?

Those are feelings, not facts, aside from the fact that her feelings are real to her.

Can you accept that no matter how weird and hurtful it is, that this is how she feels, and this is how she copes?

[bAlex]

In short, the answer to both questions are that you can't expect rational thinking from a person who's incapable of it. They have a different reality than you. They're bound to leave you confused like you are now.

I think what's more important is that you need to understand that the person you hold in such high regard isn't real. See the person and situation for what it is, don't sugar coat any of her flaws. Accept them as part of her and ask yourself if that's what you really want. Is it really a "loss" at all? Don't dwell on the "happy" memories. There is no happy ending with such a person. Accept that truth and you might have a easier time letting this go. You need to remove her from your life as well.

I've been there too and I know it sucks. Good luck