Litany of things should help but doesn't

[Scopikaz]

I've shared this before but she

- had the bad childhood

- married early and divorced after ten years

- moved a lot and likely partied

- had bad relationship that ended badly

- lost custody of two children to first husband

- was literally on verge of being Homeless when second husband rescued her

- that marriage ended too after four years

- hasn't done anything to get her children back though she does pay child support

- lives a state away from her children

- had affair on second husband (with me)'

- we dated a year and a half

- she was jealous (though i definitely fed that sadly)

- she was very insecure

- very clingy and needy

- she is virtually broke. Definitely paycheck to paycheck

- has very few belongings

- lives now with party girl ten years younger because she can't afford her own apartment or house

- only reason she can afford to live with this girl is I think she's getting really good deal (ie taking advantage of her)

- plays the victim

- accepts no blame

- never contacts me first

 

Would someone please tell me why I love her and want her back?  And no it's not the sex

I think or thought we had a true connection. Great conversation. Fun times.  Laughter. 

Yes we had a few emotionally heated exchanges (which I can't believe I allowed on my part either).

But it should be clear.  Shouldn't it?

[GreenEyedMonster]

Do some research on "intermittent reinforcement."  You should, if you look it up, find some scientific studies that show that not knowing if you will get positive reinforcement or not is much more powerful than either being reinforced all the time, or not being reinforced at all.  In other words, a pwBPD responds to us randomly based on their moods, and this makes us addicted to them.  Overcoming this addiction is difficult and takes time.