She just broke up with me. What do I do?

[Depression = 72% of members]

My BPDgf just broke up with me last night and was giving so many mixed signals. It's so hard to communicate with her because she lashes back or feels so attacked all the time, no matter how much I validate or what angle I try to spin it. Regardless, I do love her, and she has been so stressed in her life with school and other family matters, she takes it out on me.

We broke up at dinner last night and I called her a few times trying to fix things, I didn't yell, cry, or anything obnoxious. She said she needed to go to bed, so I let her go (she was a little frustrated at this point). We have a dinner scheduled tonight that she is still going to, I have to give her a present that I have been meaning to give to her for a while, and this has been planned for a few days now. How do I go about the dinner? Do I not bring up our relationship or the breakup? Do I not call or text her until the dinner? We have broken up a few times, most recently I initiated it, but she came begging back and has changed some of her selfish ways since then.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Again, I do want her back, and I do feel as if she is painting me black right now, so I think I should just give her space throughout the day and meet her at dinner.

[Saradane]

My BPDgf just broke up with me last night and was giving so many mixed signals. It's so hard to communicate with her because she lashes back or feels so attacked all the time, no matter how much I validate or what angle I try to spin it. Regardless, I do love her, and she has been so stressed in her life with school and other family matters, she takes it out on me.

We broke up at dinner last night and I called her a few times trying to fix things, I didn't yell, cry, or anything obnoxious. She said she needed to go to bed, so I let her go (she was a little frustrated at this point). We have a dinner scheduled tonight that she is still going to, I have to give her a present that I have been meaning to give to her for a while, and this has been planned for a few days now. How do I go about the dinner? Do I not bring up our relationship or the breakup? Do I not call or text her until the dinner? We have broken up a few times, most recently I initiated it, but she came begging back and has changed some of her selfish ways since then.

Any tips would be greatly appreciated. Again, I do want her back, and I do feel as if she is painting me black right now, so I think I should just give her space throughout the day and meet her at dinner.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[1minuteatatime]

I agree.  Go with your gut.  Just show up.  I personally would not give her the gift until things settle down.  There will be a time to give her the gift.  Especially since you just saw her and didn't give it to her. 

What do you think?  Is that where your gut is?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey Saradane, I agree w/1minute: Trust your gut feelings and just show up.  I suggest that you let go of any particular outcome and try to let things unfold naturally.  I understand that you care about her and are interested in getting her back, yet coming on too strong at this point is likely to be a turnoff and could lead to the opposite result from what you desire.  Are you familiar with the Serenity Prayer?  If not, it might be worth looking up.

LuckyJim

[Saradane]

Well I went with my gut and called her today to see how her doctor's appointment went, and the conversation turned ugly. She was being very rude and short, and kept reiterating that she wanted to break up. She even said some really mean things like it would make her happy to never talk to her again, but yet she still is going to go to the dinner (even though she doesn't really care to).

How rude is that for her to say those things? She is entering early stages of depression and just wants to be alone all the time, and according to her, being in a relationship is a lot of work. I'm truly worried for her, and I want her to get help.

How should I approach the dinner now? We had about a 30 minute conversation that didn't go so well... .

[bellacopia]

Well I went with my gut and called her today to see how her doctor's appointment went, and the conversation turned ugly. She was being very rude and short, and kept reiterating that she wanted to break up. She even said some really mean things like it would make her happy to never talk to her again, but yet she still is going to go to the dinner (even though she doesn't really care to).

How rude is that for her to say those things? She is entering early stages of depression and just wants to be alone all the time, and according to her, being in a relationship is a lot of work. I'm truly worried for her, and I want her to get help.

How should I approach the dinner now? We had about a 30 minute conversation that didn't go so well... .

I'm curious how the dinner went... .if you care to share.

[MapleBob]

I'd back way off, tell her that you have a gift for her if/when she's ready to receive it from you, and wait. Give it a few days and if you don't hear from her, reach out.