Mail once a month or wait?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi everyone,

My ex broke up with me about 5 months ago, just after she left to study in another country (note: we were both living in different countries as well, but she left her home country to study abroad). In the beginning she wanted to maintain the relationship, but quickly fell for some other guy and broke up with me. The attraction she felt for the other guy never developed into a relationship but she blocked me in multiple ways from contacting her. She said in an email that her reason for blocking me was "what I did to her" while being there, whatever that means.

For a while she answered emails in a semi-normal fashion. Some were friendly and in which she said that she often thinks about how she hurt me. In others she was devilish and demanded I stopped harassing her. I haven't contacted her in about two months, because she wrote me that she was seeing someone else (total lie said just to hurt me, not the first time) and her mother advised me to not contact her because it would only push her away more.

Despite all the nasty stuff she said she also said in a few emails that she missed me, that perhaps she'd like to see what happens between us when she returns (though asked me not to wait for her), and that she would have wanted to give our relationship another try if I hadn't responded the way I did to her breaking up.

In about two months she will return to her home country. My fear is that out of sight means out of heart. She is a very difficult girl that has a hard time getting along with most people, so the chance of her having a relationship with anyone else is minimal. Should I keep trying to send her something nice by email from time to time or should I wait for her to return to her home country and then see?

[whiteblue]

Hi everyone,

My ex broke up with me about 5 months ago, just after she left to study in another country (note: we were both living in different countries as well, but she left her home country to study abroad). In the beginning she wanted to maintain the relationship, but quickly fell for some other guy and broke up with me. The attraction she felt for the other guy never developed into a relationship but she blocked me in multiple ways from contacting her. She said in an email that her reason for blocking me was "what I did to her" while being there, whatever that means.

For a while she answered emails in a semi-normal fashion. Some were friendly and in which she said that she often thinks about how she hurt me. In others she was devilish and demanded I stopped harassing her. I haven't contacted her in about two months, because she wrote me that she was seeing someone else (total lie said just to hurt me, not the first time) and her mother advised me to not contact her because it would only push her away more.

Despite all the nasty stuff she said she also said in a few emails that she missed me, that perhaps she'd like to see what happens between us when she returns (though asked me not to wait for her), and that she would have wanted to give our relationship another try if I hadn't responded the way I did to her breaking up.

In about two months she will return to her home country. My fear is that out of sight means out of heart. She is a very difficult girl that has a hard time getting along with most people, so the chance of her having a relationship with anyone else is minimal. Should I keep trying to send her something nice by email from time to time or should I wait for her to return to her home country and then see?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey whiteblue, What makes you think that your Ex has BPD?  (I am unfamiliar with your backstory).  To me, waiting for an Ex to show interest in rekindling the romance is a lonely vigil, which may prove fruitless.  My suggestion is for you to live your life for a period of time, without putting anything on hold, and then reconsider whether you are still interested in your Ex.  LJ