Going back to see whether this still has any relevance for pwBPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello,

After figuring out that my SO is a pwBPD (but I think she's not aware) who keeps flirting with a work colleague and playing the victim to him (about 25 messages a day), I said that this hurt me immensely and asked her to put some distance between her and him. I gave her two days to respond. She responded no.

Now I've gone away 5 days ago. Her mum was called a day later and she is helping out now.

On Tuesday, I think, I'm going back. I'll find out whether she is ready to put some distance between her and him, but if not, I'm ready to give up this relationship.

However, we have two kids (4 and 7 years) and I don't want to leave them with her in case we break up.

I'm afraid she will refuse to put distance between her and him. And I fear that she will refuse to leave. What do I do then?

[Optimister]

Hello,

After figuring out that my SO is a pwBPD (but I think she's not aware) who keeps flirting with a work colleague and playing the victim to him (about 25 messages a day), I said that this hurt me immensely and asked her to put some distance between her and him. I gave her two days to respond. She responded no.

Now I've gone away 5 days ago. Her mum was called a day later and she is helping out now.

On Tuesday, I think, I'm going back. I'll find out whether she is ready to put some distance between her and him, but if not, I'm ready to give up this relationship.

However, we have two kids (4 and 7 years) and I don't want to leave them with her in case we break up.

I'm afraid she will refuse to put distance between her and him. And I fear that she will refuse to leave. What do I do then?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Scarlet Phoenix]

Hi Optimister, I suggest you go on the Legal board and post there as well. Just to be on the safe side in case this doesn t work out. They members there will have some good advice on imminent break-ups involving kids.

You have your boundary, which sounds healthy to me. Blundaries tied to our values are strong. However, they only adress our behavior (I don t want to be in a relationship where my partner ... .) and not our partners ( you can't do ... .).

One way of presenting a want or need is using SET or DEARMAN. Are you familiar with those? We could help you work on what to say when you go see her.