Update...

[MaroonLiquid]

Here is my previous thread... .https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=288198.0

Hey guys.  Wanted to give a quick update on things since I haven't been here in about a month.  Things have been going well for me and I am in a good place emotionally.  I am living my life according to my values and in that, have had some difficult conversations with people in my family that think I should live differently.  They think I shouldn't have any relationship with my ex at all.  

As for my relationship with my now ex-wife, where do I start.  We are closer now than we have been in almost 2 years.  We tell each other we love each other, we are affectionate in front of the kids and we have been having fun together.  We still haven't fought in almost a year.  I wouldn't do it anyway nor would I allow myself or my kids to be raged at.  I think she has learned that.  We eat dinner together at night and we have cuddled and hugged a ton lately.  She started seeing a therapist about a month ago who two visits in told her that a lot of her emotional and depression issues stem from her relationship with her parents as a child and she is "hamstrung" in life by that.  Her primary doctor thinks that she is in menopause now due to hot-flashes and lack of a menstrual cycle.  There are some things that she still is entrenched in such as having me blocked on Facebook and not telling her sister or her friends we are spending a lot of time together again.  The kids know and I'm sure they tell people, so that will backfire on her at some point.  Also, we go a ton of places together so she has to know we will run into some also.  That's for her to figure out, not me.  Honestly, it doesn't bother me at all anymore.  Not a "white rabbit" that I want to follow and worry about anyway.  

As far as everything else, I am happy with myself regardless if I am with her or not.  I take care of myself and live life the way I want to.  

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Fian]

Hi Maroon, it is good to hear from you.  I am glad to hear that things are going well.  I do find this strange that she had to divorce you in order to get back to a positive relationship.  It is also a good sign that she is going to therapy.

[sweetheart]

I'm really pleased that you are happy and being with your w in a way that works for both of you.

[Sunfl0wer]

Thanks for the update.  Good for you!

I find this interesting as I always suspected my ex wanted a relationship without any sense of obligation or commitment to the concept of a relationship. It felt that he personally was competing with the relationship vs being a part of it.  Almost seems like your exW successfully has found a way to relief herself of relationship expectations and pressures, by eliminating the legal tie.

[Cat Familiar]

I'm glad things are working out for you ML. It sounds like you're getting the fun parts of the relationship without having to deal with the yucky parts. 

[waverider]

Your story is a good example of how personal success can be achieved even if a marriage cant be saved. You have come a long way from the codependent you were when you first came here.

Taking your life choices back. A good foundation for whatever comes next. Well done.

[Grey Kitty]

  Fantastic news, ML!

Makes me wonder what will come of my divorce. I've noticed that I'm better able to handle my wife emotionally by now, but do catch myself holding back because we still have a financial split to resolve, and I'm nervous about that. I do hope to be closer friends with her again someday, if not back in a romantic relationship.