How to make BPD (him) love me?

[Ms.Perfect]

Hi everyone

Can to tell me please , how to make guy with BPD fall in love with me? is it possible?

and if he already in love - how will I understand ?

He had a GF- but he is saying it is not serious at all with her.

He told me sometimes he HATES me , but 2 hrs later he can tell me I LOVE you!

Now I told him that I can not be his GF because I need serious relationships. Offered to be just friends.

I also told him - I care for him very much. And in the end I told- Do not LEAVE me! I wanted to make sure he will not be scared that I might do that. Right after those words he gave me the strongest hugs!

He didn't say a word! may be he didn't want to? or he couldn't?

But I could see the thunderstorm of emotions in his eyes. It was so breathtaking for me!

I think I did many things to make him love me… best in time , best intellectual conversations , not boring, and very positive happy   time together. I always love to give ppl good mood

what else... ahh I look hot (at least I think that way) as VS model look. trying my best.  I am a perfectionist.

Very charming, charismatic and person

Please tell me, any advice would be nice  How to make him love me strong! Or how to forget him! He is on my mind 24/7 I am TIRED. I think I got some kind of addiction to him.

I want to win his heart ! Is it possible?

what need to say, to do? 

[JQ]

Hello Ms. Perfect,

I see that you're new here so let me say welcome to the group.       Here you're find a lot of references to learn from like at the top of the page & at the right ------------->> >> >>

Here you'll find no one to judge you ... .we have been or are where you're at in this point in your life. You're starting a journey of learning ... .learning about the Cluster B mental illness BPD ... .but more importantly you are embarking on a journey of self discovery and learning so much about yourself.  WE can't and won't tell you what to do or what to say. WE can't walk this journey for you ... .but when you stumble ... .and you will stumble ... .someone here will be there to hold out a hand, pull you up, dust you off & straighten you back up. THEN it's up to you to decide to continue down the path your on ... .take the path to the right and see where it leads ... .or sit back down where you're at and do nothing ... .but in the end the choice is YOURS! YOU need to take control of YOUR life and live it!

So with that being said ... .I see some    ... .again no one here will judge you ... .just point out some things that we've been through or learned about ourselves or situations ... .

YOU can't force anyone to fall in love with you ... .love doesn't work that way.

You need to learn that BPD is a very VERY serious Cluster B mental illness. Many Ph.d's, therapist, clinical physiologist have tried to treat BPD and have ended the professional r/s because they are beyond their ability to help them.  

BPD is defined by the Mayo Clinac ... .

Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable intense relationships, distorted self-image, extreme emotions and impulsiveness.

With borderline personality disorder, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability, and you may have difficulty tolerating being alone. Yet inappropriate anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you want to have loving and lasting relationships.

BPD is defined by the National Institute of Mental Health ... .

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness marked by unstable moods, behavior, and relationships. In 1980, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders, Third Edition (DSM-III) listed BPD as a diagnosable illness for the first time. Most psychiatrists and other mental health professionals use the DSM to diagnose mental illnesses.

Because some people with severe BPD have brief psychotic episodes, experts originally thought of this illness as atypical, or borderline, versions of other mental disorders. While mental health experts now generally agree that the name "borderline personality disorder" is misleading, a more accurate term does not exist yet.

Most people who have BPD suffer from:

Problems with regulating emotions and thoughts

Impulsive and reckless behavior

Unstable relationships with other people.

People with this disorder also have high rates of co-occurring disorders, such as depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and eating disorders, along with self-harm, suicidal behaviors, and completed suicides.

You're first paragraph is full of examples of BPD behavior ... .YOU need to learn the 3 C's of BPD ... .YOU didn't Cause it!  YOU can't Control it! YOU can't Cure it!  Write it down on a sticky note & put it on the bathroom mirror where you'll constantly see it ... .read it ... .learn it ... .know it.  

Know that there is studies & evidence to suggest that they will NEVER be cured of this mental illness and the best anyone can hope for is some degree of management of the mental illness. It's not like cancer where you can have surgery, chemo, radiation and in time it might be cured. There are studies & evidence to suggest that the frontal cortex of the brain that regulates behavior is physically "damaged" with a shortage of neuron connections couple with environmental events have affected them with this Cluster B mental illness for life. My exBPDgf is self aware & has been in and out of therapy with Ph.d's, clinical physiologist, & therapist for 25 plus years.  Like you I've seen the "thunderstorm" in her eyes ... .I've seen MOMENTS and only moments of clarity in her behavior ... .but it's short lived and she opens the door to the cages of her flying monkey's and the chaos & drama begin once again.

That aside ... .I would encourage you to read as much as you can from the references here on this site, books and would really encourage you to seek out your own therapist to help you sort through your feelings, thoughts & emotions. I see some real evidence that you're a codependent aka a NON.  IMHO, you need to take a step back and to a complete review of yourself, your history and find out why you're a codependent ... .this will serve you well not only in this relationship but all future relationships with a s/o & your family.

As a codependent you're the "Perfectionist" as your name indicates and you said, " I am a perfectionist."  No one ... .especially someone who has a Cluster B mental illness will EVER be perfect.   Other behavior of a codependent would be, the "Knight in Amor", "the Sheriff in the White hat" and you exhibit these too IMHO.  You said, "  I wanted to make sure he will not be scared " ... .this is the "Knight in Amor" behavior. You want to protect his emotions, you want to protect him from bad things from happening to him. In your review of your own behavior you'll see that this probably isn't limited to just a romantic r/s but with many others as well.  You said, "I think I did many things to make him love me" ... .this is the Sheriff behavior telling him showing him that you're there to save him, "in a manner of speaking".  Again, you probably do this with other relationships besides a romantic r/s.

I know your going through a lot right now ... .you said that he's on your mind 24/7 and your tired. Your certainly not getting enough sleep ... .REM sleep is so important to repairing the body both physically & mentally.  Go to the store & in the vitamins isle you'll find Melatonin ... .it's a natural thing you body produces to help you get sleepy and in times of extreme stress and anxiety what would a normal amount of natural melatonin isn't enough. So a supplement is probably a good thing ... .DON'T worry it's not a drug ... .it's a natural supplement your body produces.  I would also encourage you to spend some time with friends going out ... .see a comedy show, a funny movie, but get out with some other friends.  Get out for a walk ... .at least a mile ... .it only takes 20 minutes and really enjoy it. Enjoy the sun on your face, the breeze ... .the small things in life. The walking / biking will help you manage your stress level too and help you burn off the extra energy you have.  Be sure you're eating right too ... .junk food is just the ... .junk and isn't any good for your body.

But most important to all of this I would seek out and find a really good therapist to help you sort out your feelings, emotions, & thoughts. You'll have to look inward & be honest with yourself on what you find.  This is so important moving forward ... .not just about this r/s ... .but in all your r/s.  

Read, learn, therapist, and come back here as often as you need to and ask questions ... .learn ... .someone will always be here to hold out a hand to help you up when you stumble  

J

[Ms.Perfect]

I wrote so much! And it all desappered.

I will try little by little to open up all my thoughts on it.

Do not have patience right now to type everything again all at once.

Thank you for your answer. I have read a lot about BPD in last 2 weeks.

I have several questions. Please everyone share your thoughts on it.

1) Can BPD fall in love?

2) what do they crave/want to hear from their partner?

3) what words can touch their soul?

4) Are they jealous?

5) Is it matter who loves them? Or they do not care, they just want to win as many as possible?

6) Do they need to be distant for a while? if yes , why?

7) Do they want to have family? kids?

8) what ease their rage or HATE phase?

He LOVEBOMBED me so heave. Now I want to return him his weapon It worked so well.

So if he wouldn't like me would he do it anyway?

[ForeverDad]

The best predictor of the future is the past.  If in the past he has been erratic and inconsistent in his moods, perceptions and mixed expressions of love to hate to love again... .then that IS the future.  Do you want to be a spouse (reasonably normal) or a caretaker (of a waif) or a target (dominated and controlled)?

Can you handle that?  Not just now for weeks or months, but years?  Our site is littered with members who thought they were strong enough that their love would overcome all dysfunction.  Well, sadly they found out that they weren't nearly so strong as they thought they were, not when years passed, when children came along, when children were exposed to the dysfunction and invalidation and when even the children were used as pawns and weapons.

I'm not saying all people with BPD (pwBPD) are as extreme as some of the controllers and users described here by our members.  Some are more waif-like, leaning upon us more than anything else.  What the ratio is, I don't know, but those who arrive here are often those desperate for help and support in dealing with their agressive king, queen, or witch spouses.  That is, they're more "acting out" (harming others) than "acting in" (harming themselves).  But that doesn't mean your potential BF (1) actually is waif-like or (2) would stay waif-like.  In a healthy relationship both persons need to be adult carrying their reasonable share of the roughly equal relationship.  PwBPD are very disordered, inconsistent, dysfunctional, driven by their erratic emotions, perceptions and behaviors.

Also, BPD is more evident and impacting the closer you are.  Once you make a commitment to the relationship you risk being controlled or parentified, guilted to stay no matter how bad it gets.

Have you read The Bridge?  Follow the link.  You can't save someone if the person is essentially sabotaging you or isn't listening.

Dr Joe Carver avoids using diagnostic terms and here are links to his handouts about relationships with Controllers, Users and Losers:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=56157.0;all

www.drjoecarver.com/3/miscellaneous2.htm

That said, we haven't met him, you have.  Keep your eyes open and be careful of being swayed overmuch by your emotions and feelings.  We can't make your relationship decisions for you.  What we can do is share our collective wisdom.  We can direct you to informed members and helpful resources.  We've been there, done that.  Still, he clearly comes with a some red flags .  Be aware.  Beware.

[Ms.Perfect]

He also told me he want to hack my email and Skype. I do not know why?

He doesn't show me his BIG interest in me, to be so interested of doing such things…

Do they do it? why?

or why did he tell me it?

[Ms.Perfect]

thank you. I will definately read "Bridge" later today!

I am trying to listen--> BEWARE.

But it is so difficult ! beause he is so interesting! It seems I just not ready to let him go.

But the same time I am little nervouse what it all will lead to…

If he alredy loves me? He was screaming it while kissing my face a month ago. I told him not say LOVE words to me because we just knew each other 2 month in that point. I do not believe. He stopped saying it, only whisper last time in hope i will not notice.

He is ALL in red flags! I didn't meet BPD before. And i easy found all these descriptions in that BPD. I have never met ppl like that and for me was obviouse that something out of order.

He also keeps his all online profiles Secret! No avatar, or with hidden face.  Which is wears.

He has a style, charm, handsome look. Guys like that do not hide.

You can not find him anywhere in internet. He also refused to send me his photos.

But the same time he always takes pictures of me!

Seems he is very jealous , doesn't let guys talk to me. On event where he was with his GF , he left her as soon as guy started conversation with me. He came to him and told him - SHE IS MY GIRL! and said it to him several times. (I thpught he is acting out infront of me)

But now I am wondering was he really jealouse ?

I can not STOP myself

He is right now (after conversation with me) i told him be just friends. He seems distant himself. May be it is good for me to heal? I am not going to contact him intentionally .

But I will respond If he will.

We are going to be an event these weekend , me my friends him and his friends will be there.

So guys your advice will be to RUN fast and NOW?

I do not have problems to find another guy. But he is for now in my heart with that supid LOVEBOMBING ! I understand that but still too weak to move…

Plus he is very handsome ahhhhhhh! and passionat . And me too! We are together like thunderstorm and lightening. He told me the same. And told me even if you will become ice to be i will melt you with my fire .

I need to find another one… probably while i can run away?

Can I escape ? what actions i can expect from him?

Will it work just to be friends and step bu step dissaper from his life? So he will consentrate on his GF. Or may be will find another girl…

[Ms.Perfect]

sorry for my english ( it is not my 1st language )

[ForeverDad]

Hey, I'm single!

However I do have a teen in the home and everyone here will tell you I ought to be sensible and meet people closer to my age, maybe someone's maiden aunt... .

Que será, será... .as the song goes.

[HopefulDad]

"You can help to push someone to fall in love".  A pwBPD at that.

Umm, ahhhh... .yeesh.  I'm drawing a blank here on how to put this gently.  Wait, I think I've got it:

Read up on all of the BPD resources at this site.  Read the myriad of posts by members who are in serious relationships and of those who have left them.  Really try to get some insight into what's in store for you.  You have the benefit of knowing about this disorder before getting deeply involved; Most of us didn't have that luxury.  If after all that, you still want to pursue this man, then all I can say is:

Be careful what you wish for.

Good luck.

[Ms.Perfect]

ForeverDad how old are you?

I really did good research  about BPD. When I am interested I need to know

I am not scared (for now)

We didn't have sex. Even if he tried haha. And even if I wanted. I need to know man before. and Espetially that type! just in case….

And still he told me my body is mine your body is mine!

He is showing my photo to everyone , everyone already knows me before meet me.

And I can hear from them -- ohhh is that you he was talking about a lot.

tell my what I should be scared of? why BEWARE?

I am not scared of mental roller caster.

Can he become stalker? Only that I do not want. Or what else?

[SlyQQ]

Tell him you hate him and you never loved anyone so much in your life.

p.s. read some books about geisha's

p.p.s As weather or not to beware it depends on the extent (if any ) of your sociopathic tendencies.

[Ms.Perfect]

Tell him you hate him and you never loved anyone so much in your life.

p.s. read some books about geisha's

p.p.s As weather or not to beware it depends on the extent (if any ) of your sociopathic tendencies.

which book about geisha would u recommend first? Memoirs of geisha?

why is it depends of my psychopath tendencies?

One psychologist told me ( my friend) he think I am very close to be a psychopath but,,, I have simpathy for others ( not too much empathy unless it is VERY  seriouse) and I am emotional and no devalue ppl. Only in some cases when I just got to be dessapointed.

Plus I have a strong moral code ( my own ) and i am pretty smart to not go agains the law

In almost 80% other things he told I am very close to be.

Lovebomb hard, crazy sex power, need to win, very grandious, can read ppl very good. In 2 minuted can say their birthday! I have to win. very competitive.

But no there I have emotions and feelings. and very sweet  

But can be cold in many situations , turn off my emotions and put very strategic detailed perfect plan! When I can see a lot of ppl have difficulties and act based on their emotions and after regret. Or even can not see how to manipulate situation for their favor.

I do love make ppl happy I take my enjoyment from that! it also give me some control.

And I love to have control and win! Plus I am women more tricky and need to hide some tendencies and appear sometimes submissive. It is very difficult see these tendencies in women.

I took a tests online about psychopath tendencies all of them reccomend me to take real test in psychologist office. But I will not  Coz As i said earlier I am fine and ppl love me why should I )


BUT how these tendencies relate to  beware or not in relationships with BPD?

I am not scared if rollercaster with BPD, But I will not let anyone treat me bad for long time. I love myself and definately not CODEPENDANT.

Things I do not want. 1) he begin stalking me 2) telling he will kill himself if i will not be his.

3) telling me that he will harm me or my property.

Other rollercaster I am not scared. I think I read a lot, and you guys told me to run

so I am closing my feelings.  I wasnt too deep in relationships to make my soul any pain.

And too busy everyday with my own sport, freinds, hobbies ) No time to think

I think I will not lie but It is interesting to communicate with him. And as I wanted to WIN.

It is an interesting procces to hack man's heart.

BPD love unavalile woman I can play cold- hot game easily. It is interesting. I never had relationships like that , even if we friends we still playing mind games with him

I love CHALLANGE , compite and win.

So what about these 3 things I mentioned above? Can he coz me them?

He alredy has a scar with stitches  on his arm from trying to kill himself long time ago.

May be he is not right guy to be close to him... .just in case... .

[ForeverDad]

I think we would all be in agreement that he could benefit from therapy.  Therapy or counseling is good, no professional will dismiss the benefits possible with a capable and experienced counselor.  The fact is though that he is unlikely to utilize that help, pwBPD have a strong Denial of their issues and their typical reaction is to Blame or Shift Blame.  Until that pattern changes, improvement is highly unlikely.

So do nothing?  No, to the contrary, though you can't force changes on another person, you can look inside and perceive whether you can find ways to improve yourself... .

Going one step further, you too could benefit from counseling.  After all, most of us here have had sessions and benefited.  I ended up in court dealing with a divorce and my lawyer told me counseling would not make me look bad, rather, "courts love counseling!"  I didn't have that many sessions but they did help me to hear a perspective that was objective and helped me be aware of my issues, ex's issues and the divorce issues.

Similarly, I encourage you to try counseling with a professional you feel comfortable with.  (Not too friendly, they're to maintain an emotionally neutral professional relationship.  There was a paperback "I Hate You! Don't Leave Me!" written by a recovered pwBPD who wrote that she had never ever touched her therapist, not even a handshake, during the entire time of her treatment.  However I recall she hugged him goodbye, but only at the end.  )

What do you think?  We're not saying you're acting out in a harmful way, after all, people should be expressive and outgoing, that's okay.  Overall that sounds like you, very outgoing, a people person, right?   But my point is that discussions in sessions can help you be more aware of your issues, how they might impact others and how to find ways to improve, perhaps even help you find and build more lasting relationships.

Also very, very helpful is peer support, such as the peer support you've found here.  You've found helpful, reasonable, caring people who have walked in your shoes.  We've been there, done that.  Keep learning.  Take advantage of our collective wisdom gained from years of both pain and joy.

[Ms.Perfect]

Thanks for trying to help me  But I think i do not need to go to check myself

Ppl are happy around me. Why to change it ... .

even if I have some traits it is not BPD or narcissist , one sees black and white and scared to be left. another one need ppl reassurance how great they are.

I am not scared to be left  , and i do not need other ppl opinion or some fan of me too feel good. even if ppl would all tell me i am worthless it wouldn't change my mind about myself and wouldn't bother me , unless I somehow hurt ppl, which is I do not.

I am an opposite I like to make and keep ppl happy.

And Never had any difficulties to keep long relationships.

I can do roller caster if I can see someone WANT to play mind games , i like challenge and win. So I can with pleasure join the game)

If any traits feel me most it is psychopath as I told u before.

But ONLY good ones. I have empathy. Do not have stage of devalue. I am change normal relationships mix with lovebombing which guys like.

and there is no cure for psychopath also. I talked to my friend - psychologist . He told me I do not need to be checked , because I do not have any harmful traits at all. He knows me 12 years

So I even find it beneficial for me these positive traits.

So you didn't tell me was I right about your birthday?

[Skip]

So guys your advice will be to RUN fast and NOW?

I do not have problems to find another guy. But he is for now in my heart with that supid LOVEBOMBING ! I understand that but still too weak to move…

Plus he is very handsome ahhhhhhh! and passionat . And me too! We are together like thunderstorm and lightening. He told me the same. And told me even if you will become ice to be i will melt you with my fire .

I need to find another one… probably while i can run away?

Can I escape ? what actions i can expect from him?

Will it work just to be friends and step bu step dissaper from his life? So he will consentrate on his GF. Or may be will find another girl…

So, you have sexual passion with a guy who has a girlfriend and you are trying to decide if he can be taken away from this other girl using emotional ploys (idealizing him/realtionship), and if not, you will find another guy to attend to your needs and you will break up and run away... .

Without being critical - and I sincerely mean that, we are here to help each other - this is one emotionally destructive/immature thought, on top of another, on top of another.      It might help to just chill down a little (in your own mind) and try to look at this in a more analytical and less emotional way.

The emotions are the passion and the chase to get something you don't have.  These are real human emotions, but emotions that can get us into serious life problems.

So let's break this down.

He has a girlfriend and he is seeing you (intimately) for two months. It is a relationship built on passion.  You want him to be exclusive.  He is good with the way it is.

Which of these options are healthy and which are not?

1. Idealize him and throw yourself at him emotionally to make him leave his girlfriend.

2. Break up with him and jump into another relationship to avoid grieving or feelings of lose.

3. Create a roller coaster of highs and lows to get him to chase (emotional manipulation).

4. Tell him you are interested in him but can't be in a three way relationship and ask him to think about it - and ask for space - and wait three weeks (without jumping into another relationship) for him to sort out his feelings.

Use the time/distance to understand yourself and whether this is emotional/sexual high intriguing cat and mouse game that you want to win or if there a basis for a real relationship with this guy. Which do you really want?  Are you a "player" or someone seeking a meaningful relationship?

One psychologist told me (my friend) he think I am very close to be a psychopath... .

Here is a symptoms lists for ASPD (www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/basics/symptoms/con-20027920). Some of the things you are considering relate to some of these characteristics which is likely why he is saying you have some ASPD tendencies such as "Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or for sheer personal pleasure."   He is not saying you are ASPD (nor am I  - I don't know very much about you, obviously), but he is saying that you have some unhealthy thought patterns. I think I see that too.

[Georgina T]

I think you need to ask yourself why do you have to put so much effort in someone falling for you?

It should happen naturally, BPD or not... .Really ask yourself, why you put yourself in the position of desiring the unavailable and/or the ambivalent?

Also, usually people like someone for who they are more if they just act naturally. If you are angry do show it. If you like him, do tell him. If you are hurt stay away from what hurts you.

But I'd strongly advise to have a serious discussion with yourself and answer the questions above.

[Ms.Perfect]

He has a girlfriend and he is seeing you (intimately) for two months. It is a relationship built on passion.  You want him to be exclusive.  He is good with the way it is.

All i had with him is several kisses , i didn't let him get closer.

1) I wasn't ready, i need to know guy more

2) He has GF , I do not like to make someone cheat. Plus I ONLY accept if I am the ONE.

3) He doens't leave her Because he is not SURE in me. I didn't give him solid base that he can believe i will be with him seriously. (may be my fault but I need a time to see man to desiced such a serious step)  I do not give fake promises.

1. Idealize him and throw yourself at him emotionally to make him leave his girlfriend.

2. Break up with him and jump into another relationship to avoid grieving or feelings of lose.

3. Create a roller coaster of highs and lows to get him to chase (emotional manipulation).

1. Idealize him - Lovebombig I did. But all what I believe he has, no lie. ( I DO NOT LIKE LIE) About his GF She is not my competition at all. I am not thinking of her.

She is pretty girl and I think good person. But still not close to cross my road.

2) I alredy did it. We agreed just to be friends.  I do not have problems with Feeling to lose.

It is not bothering me when I am not in deep relationships.

3) Roller coaster is alredy there Just it happened not intentionally.

But I DO NOT THINK HE WILL CHASE ME.

Time will show.

Are you a "player" or someone seeking a meaningful relationship?

hmmm how to say…

Want meaningful relationships. But while I DIDN'T find the one who will open my heart completely to him. And that guy I know now he is out of options to be serious with him. Why not to play? While Still in search for good one?

That guy is playing I just joned the game. Which is already ended.

Here I got several advices to run from him. So that is the right thing to do.

I was on my emotions Because sometimes I needed it too . I am not a robot

Tired being alone so wanted to have some romantic moments. But guy wasn't a good match.

Even the passion is there it is not enough to be in HEALTHY relationships.

I like healthy relationships. All relatonships I had ended in good way and respect.

Just was boring a guess and jumpt to the offered game….

But it is still interesting game . It very difficult to stop playing (with him) if opportunity arise.

Playing with the fire? I am not going to be intimate with him. So that game (i think) can not go to deep…

[Ms.Perfect]

I think you need to ask yourself why do you have to put so much effort in someone falling for you?

why you put yourself in the position of desiring the unavailable and/or the ambivalent?

It is Interesting.  Why unavailable? He for sure at lead likes me. He is more then available But it is just physically I wanted to capture him mind

But I'd strongly advise to have a serious discussion with yourself and answer the questions above.

Tired from rutin , wanted love, wanted romance, interesting…

Just met the guy who I can not consider for serious relationships. I thought I could with him... .

[gotbushels]

Wow. I'm not judging you. I feel the pain you seem to be very, very willing to dive in to.

Roller-coaster has a special meaning in BPD writing. It's not the fun type. Really.

[... .]

Be careful what you wish for.

Good luck.

Edit.

[... .]

Skip I highly admire your post. 

[JohnLove]

I do not mean to sound insulting or critical. You have come here for help.

Your friend who is a qualified psychologist said in his opinion you were psychopathic. This should have set ALARM BELLS RINGING. If I said this to you, or you to me, I would expect it to be taken with a grain of salt. But your friend is YOUR FRIEND... .AND a psychologist.

Your behaviour is highly narrcisstic. You have clearly demonstrated narrcisstic behaviour in your posts (especially toward HIS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND). This has not gone unnoticed. Neither has the fact that you Have discounted any possibility of narcissism in your self or your behaviour. This is textbook for someone suffering from narcissism.

Your "ideas" of Love and on the subject of Love are highly and heavily flawed.

You should be thinking of yourself but with a healthy degree of narcissism... .if it helps, this man sounds like he is suffering from a personality disorder.

It is in my own experience BPD and NPD tend to go together and create relationships based on mutual need and NOT Love and the feelings you have shared on your situation only add weight to my armchair diagnosis. Passion is a part of healthy relationships but you "not being afraid of the roller coaster" and actually desiring this destructive behaviour is a major red flag to me. This is only my thoughts.

With all that said, I wish you well and hope this will only serve to increase your self awareness and understanding of your situation.

[SlyQQ]

Hi Ms. Perfect I know you won't apreciate this but I hurt a little that you will never find love. I played a little with you that is true but I wanted to know if you could find compassion, alas I think that curiosity will never

be sated. If you like I offer you my friendship and will awnser your questions clear and free because if we don't seek then never shall we find.

               " Not even a wise man knows what it is like to be thick as a brick."

                                                                                ( Jethro Tull )

[Ms.Perfect]

Your behaviour is highly narrcisstic. You have clearly demonstrated narrcisstic behaviour in your posts (especially toward HIS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND). This has not gone unnoticed. Neither has the fact that you Have discounted any possibility of narcissism in your self or your behaviour. This is textbook for someone suffering from narcissism.

Yes may be you are right with that

Passion is a part of healthy relationships but you "not being afraid of the roller coaster" and actually desiring this destructive behaviour is a major red flag to me. This is only my thoughts.

I am not afraid of roller caster. But NOT in long term relationships! I can join the game for a while, not for longer then about 6 month. After I would end that craziness

I love good relationships, respect, good time. I will not be too long in UNPREDICTABLE relationships and will not tolerate disrespect.

That's why my relationships with BPD just can not be possibble for a long time.  Their actions  I translate as disrespectful. With all of their irresponsibilieties , distancing , silent treatment …

I didn't have it still towards me, but i can easily see it can happen. And I am not the one who will take it

I like a cat I go there  where I feel good and will not stay there where I do not have the treatment I want.

[Ms.Perfect]

with my story it probably all ended

We do not communicate with each other soon will be 2 weeks. That is better that way.

I started to feel better also

Thank you everyone. I will keep posting if anything new will happen.

[Ms.Perfect]

I have read some posts on this site. And how man can go almost addicted to woman.

I really even couldn't imagine how strong feelings guys can feel!

It is hard to believe  that intencity of feelings.

For us (women) better do not make someone in love with us if we do not have any intentions to be with man…

It is not right to break someones heart just for make our ego feel good.

I have changed my mind to make him to be in love with me… Hopefully  ( i think) it is not too late. And also HE wanted me to fall in love with him ( he told me)

I will not go in to that game.

Even more, I think need to avoid giving the guy any signs that h might read as he might be with me. I am not ready for serious relationships. Untill I will meet the guy who will really take my mind.

[Hadlee]

For us (women) better do not make someone in love with us if we do not have any intentions to be with man…

It is not right to break someones heart just for make our ego feel good.

As a woman, these thoughts wouldn't enter my mind at all.  Love isn't a game.  

Good luck on your journey in finding love and happiness.    

[Ms.Perfect]

As a woman, these thoughts wouldn't enter my mind at all.  Love isn't a game.  

Good luck on your journey in finding love and happiness.    

when man is smart, very handsome, successful It is very interesting to make him develop deep feeling for you. Espacially when he intentionally wanted you to fall in love with him.

Thank you for wish love for me. Happiness I already have - it is state of mind Love is big bonus to it. 

[gotbushels]

For us (women) better do not make someone in love with us if we do not have any intentions to be with man…

It is not right to break someones heart just for make our ego feel good.

As a woman, these thoughts wouldn't enter my mind at all.  Love isn't a game.  

Good luck on your journey in finding love and happiness.    

Admirable. But it's ironic when people trick you into thinking they are like you.

[Ms.Perfect]

For us (women) better do not make someone in love with us if we do not have any intentions to be with man…

It is not right to break someones heart just for make our ego feel good.

As a woman, these thoughts wouldn't enter my mind at all.  Love isn't a game.  

Good luck on your journey in finding love and happiness.    

Admirable. But it's ironic when people trick you into thinking they are like you.

It is NOT A TRICK! I will never try to make man like me if I do not have an interest in him. I need to like him to begin with

If I do not like him, I will not bother for a second 

[Ms.Perfect]

We are not communicating with each other already 3 weeks of complete silence.

He sent a request to my best friend (she) to add him in Facebook. (I do not have Facebook)

But she posting pictures of me and her on her page when we are out somewere.

But still do not making any attempt to call or text me.

We saw each other on event last week. But hid GF came to take him from there.

He didn't want her to come (friends told me , he told them) Seems that he was very shy? or "lost" to talk with me. I was very social with our friends and he was all in "himself" like something was bothering him inside. when I asked him - where is ur Gf -->

He told me he broke up with her. But she anyway came to talk to him and they left right after. And yes , I've met there 1 girl and she told me she slept with him … she was very unpleasant to talk to, bad manners, bad voice, trashy. She said I liked his so i just took him 2 times.  So he is cheating on his GF for sure. May be he has a lot of girls on the side.

It is kind of an update

He knows that this girl told me about it.

He is in my messenger and it is ennoing to see him there green everyday without communication. And I will not do it first.

I can not see the reason why he is keeping me in his contacts in the messenger?

I do not want to remove him for 2 reasons. 1) I don't want to hurt him with complete abandonment 2) I am courious what will he do next? ( may be he will delete me? or talk to me , then when?)

and 1 thing I want to remove him, because It is very irritating to see him everyday online.

but we decided to be friends…

Do you think evetually will he "CHARM" or cut me off?

or really will be friends with time?

[ForeverDad]

No one can definitively predict what he will or will not do.  General patterns, yes, specifically, no.  You've described some behaviors that indicate he has BPD traits, a GF, has been with multiple women and is not the right man for you.  Do you want to lead him on thinking you have an interest in him?  Toying with him to some extent?  Could it now be an obsessive attachment?  Then Let Go of yearning for contact with him — "I think I got some kind of addiction to him" — it's not productive.  Drop him from contacts and Move On.

Things won't change until YOU make changes.  It's nice to be positive and upbeat but do so in healthy ways, relationship-wise.  Have you noticed the encouragement to take advantage of counseling?  The purpose would be to build you up in healthy ways, guide you to better life tools and processes, not criticize or blame.  It can help if you will start it and let it help.  Beware of Denial — "I'm okay, I don't need to change" — we all have some level of Denial about ourselves but you may have an extra dose.  Can you, will you, accept the challenge?