You shouldn't be speaking to your husband that way

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I thought "it" was going to come out during counseling.

She started telling a story about how I acted badly.

She said "I told him since he wasn't working that it was his job now to do xyz, "

The details don't really matter and I did respond badly, he took me to task for that.

He being MC.

MC looked right at her and said, that since I was in charge of the family, she had no business speaking to me in that manner.

She looked like she was going to pop.  Lots of squirming around and calmed after 10 minutes or so.

The point was clearly made to her, by the counselor, today that I was in charge of the family.

She handled it better than I figured she would.  Counselor doesn't get it yet.  He said next week we would get into the details of some of the conflict we have been having.

Should be interesting.  More later, gotta run for now.

FF

[formflier]

I thought "it" was going to come out during counseling.

She started telling a story about how I acted badly.

She said "I told him since he wasn't working that it was his job now to do xyz, "

The details don't really matter and I did respond badly, he took me to task for that.

He being MC.

MC looked right at her and said, that since I was in charge of the family, she had no business speaking to me in that manner.

She looked like she was going to pop.  Lots of squirming around and calmed after 10 minutes or so.

The point was clearly made to her, by the counselor, today that I was in charge of the family.

She handled it better than I figured she would.  Counselor doesn't get it yet.  He said next week we would get into the details of some of the conflict we have been having.

Should be interesting.  More later, gotta run for now.

FF

[KateCat]

Dare one hope that the timing of this new counseling is providential ( ), coinciding as it does with the decisive resolution of your VA case?

Maybe not because your wife will or can "see the light," but because these things can help you take your proper, respected place in the family now, with increased confidence and conviction? I harken back here to some recent postings of GreyKitty on your previous thread. And see a way forward suggested by his thoughts. . . . You know, the "it's all about you" path.

Here's my question: What if you do get an offer now of an "executive position?" Is that a good thing, or is that a dangerous thing?

[formflier]

 

I'm thinking it is a good thing, the executive position.

I am only actively pursuing one lead at the moment.  Have been invited for an in person interview, but is is not scheduled yet. 

Company is one of top companies for hiring vets.  When you read job boards "civilians" complain that if you are not ex military, you feel a bit excluded.  Also, lots of complaints about "high standards", workload, etc etc.

My reading between the lines is that they like that "no BS" approach to getting the job done. 

My understanding is that they focus on four 10 hour days to foster a better family life balance.

All of these things to in the category of why I am "pushing" hard for this one company.

So, do I want to be an "executive type".  Yes, but, (there is always a but), the conditions are limited.


FF

[formflier]

There is also a question of "can I" do the job.

My nature is not to bow out of a situation because I "fear" I can't do something.  I will usually somehow test the waters to see and then make a decision based on actual experience.

So, I'm kind of going on a two track system.  Pursuing a job and further pursuing disability benefits.

Now that I have the 100% P&T from VA, social security grants special handling (by law) to those cases.  It has nothing to do with approval or not, but somehow it moves them to the head of the line.

So, my plan is to have my SSDI claim finished by end of the week and submitted.

Also applying for CRSC  "Combat Related Special Compensation".  In fact, will turn that in before SSDI (less complicated).  Another "victory" in the VA case is that several of my issues were clearly labeled and related to time in combat or "green ink" time (for those familiar with Naval Aviation). 

Time is logged in a Naval Aviators book in various colors.  Regular black is regular flight time, red is for night and green is for combat.

www.usmilitariaforum.com/forums/index.php?/topic/184020-usn-log-books-and-green-ink/

www.militarypay.defense.gov/Portals/107/Documents/CRSC_Guidance_104.pdf


Anyway, circling back around.  VA disability does not affect my ability to work, even though in their decision they say they do not believe I am capable of working, that is their opinion.  This will help with SSDI.  If I get SSDI then there are income caps on what I can earn.

Would I rather get SSDI and be a stay at home parent or get the executive job?    Well, there are days when I want one and then days when I want the other. 

Basically, this is me trying to cover all bases and open up as many options as I can.

FF

[KateCat]

My thoughts go to the impact your wife had on your two previous positions and whether the future would be different.

[formflier]

My thoughts go to the impact your wife had on your two previous positions and whether the future would be different.

Yes, me too.

This position is not the "top job".  Restricted access to the building.  Not public. 

Yes I was intentional about looking for all these features. 

Job is fairly defined.  Very focused on logistics and solving problems (daily workflow stuff).  Should be pretty hard to "bring that home".

FF

[empath]

MC looked right at her and said, that since I was in charge of the family, she had no business speaking to me in that manner.

She looked like she was going to pop.  Lots of squirming around and calmed after 10 minutes or so.

I can imagine how that went over. It's interesting how people can deceive themselves. Sometimes, I listen to our pastor talk about how people's emotions and thoughts about themselves distort the truth, and I think that's just what is happening in my own house with one of his clergypeople. The most recent discussion was about how the leadership thinks that he isn't leading his family well -- because I'm not worshiping with him for the time being.

From time to time, I've heard my h talk about his desire for God to rescue him from his situation by working on me or on others. It's almost like he is trying to triangulate with God, but evidently, God isn't cooperating with this plan. Do you think that your wife is trying to use the church and/or God to get you to comply with her plans? My h has tried that kind of thing.

[Ceruleanblue]

It sounds like this MC is being fair and balanced. He called you both out on something, and let you deal with it how you will. I'm sure that the more he gets to know the issues, the more he'll get a clearer picture of things.

Do you think your wife will stop going if she's confronted with too many of her issues? BPDh never did that, but I've heard of it a lot. MC works only if both people are working in the same direction, and are willing to both do their own work, but you already know this. I think for us, that is why MC has failed the two previous times.

[formflier]

 

I don't think she will quit.

If she does I will keep going but I won't pester her about it.

FF