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Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse... Have you considered that being critical, judgmental, or invalidating toward the other parent, no matter what she or he just did will only make matters worse? Someone has to be do something. This means finding the motivation to stop making things worse, learning how to interrupt your own negative responses, body language, facial expressions, voice tone, and learning how to inhibit your urges to do things that you later realize are contributing to the tensions.
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ginamarie
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1


« on: March 15, 2016, 03:23:44 PM »

I've finally took a stand to end the abuse.  I'm afraid of him still and what he is capable of.  I'm not sure how far to take this. Please help
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joeramabeme
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Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Relationship status: In process of divorcing
Posts: 995



« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2016, 03:36:40 PM »

Ginamarie



I'm sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad you're with us. We help and support each other here.

I wanted to ask if you have any immediate needs for safety?  Do you have a plan for self protection if needed?

Assuming you are not concerned about immediate safety, what is going on?  Sounds like your SO has been abusive in some way and you are ready to take a stand?

JRB
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love4meNOTu
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Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 529


« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2016, 03:42:38 PM »

Ginamarie - have you read this?

https://bpdfamily.com/content/surviving-break-when-your-partner-has-borderline-personality

What helped me get through was NOT being reactive. Leaving the room when he was dysregulating, leaving the house if need be.

Do NOT engage if at all possible. Be boring, say things like "I'm just so confused". And then make your plans to leave or to stay and deal with the extinction bursts. More information on those here:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=85479.0

Wishing you the best.



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