Another CE hoop

[Thunderstruck]

Just heard from our L. Apparently he had a phone conference with the CE yesterday. The CE stated that she wants to meet with SD11 yet again. Then she can "quickly issue" the final draft of the report.

For those of you keeping count at home... .it will be 21 months next week that we have been doing this evaluation.

The last time the CE met with SD11 was around Sept. We had to hire a babysitter to pick SD up from school (2x) and take her to the appointments because SD was saying one thing when uBPDbm would take her and another thing when DH would take her. I don't know what the CE is looking for this time... .

[Panda39]

Hopefully a current update to wrap it up and not another reason to delay   

Wishing you a Final Report!

Panda39

[Nope]

I'm willing to believe a final report is imminent. Our CE met with the kids one last time right before issuing the report and then met with the kids one more time right before court. It also makes sense since the other side can at least then not say this CE hasn't laid eyes on the child for a year.

[ForeverDad]

Meanwhile the children have passed through almost 2 years of their most formative years and almost two years closer to aging out of the system. :'(

My CE also submitted a draft report.  That was 3/4 through my 2 year divorce.  My court had a hearing with lawyers and main judge.  Nothing happened except to proceed to the next step.  My case was Hurry Up And Wait.   Then my ex raged at the pediatrician's staff and the doc "withdrew services".  I'm sure that was added to his final report to be presented during the trial but by then we were settling and I never saw it.  After I got custody a few years later I tried to go back to the pediatrician but I was told their policy was once withdrawn, forever withdrawn.

[Thunderstruck]

The CE has said a couple times to DH "You can send me more things, but it probably won't change my recommendation".

The last time she met with SD, uBPDbm was living in a different place and we were living in a different place. I don't think our baby was born yet (hm, maybe he was) and both uBPDbm and DH had different jobs. Our situation has changed SO much since this began.

One thing that hasn't changed though... .uBPDbm's behavior.  

Once we get this report, we're going to have to put a rush on getting the rest of the plan (mediation, trial) completed. We really want everything in place before SD goes to middle school (wishful thinking).

[bravhart1]

In our most recent CE, I sent my DH into his first meeting with something to read to Evaluator.

It stated how moms behavior was hurting SD and all the games she was playing, stuff she was saying about us and how she was using very poor skills to parent, enmeshing, co sleeping, raging and guilting SD.

When he finished he handed it to evaluator and it was our very first declaration to the court from four years ago, when SD was three. Very simply put, not one thing had improved. And DH said " I need someone to be brave enough to help my daughter, she's been living in this over half her young life".

It was in th end all we had hoped for, he did step up. He even put in there that he had hoped mom would have improved from the last evaluation but she had seen his gift of more time as her fooling him. He laid out a very strong plan, and only a glimmer of supervised visits for mom if she makes the needed effort to get help. He blatantly calls her borderline and says mom has caused SD to have ODD.

I hope for nothing less for you and your SD thunder. It's what you deserve.

[sanemom]

I feel that it all depends how wise your CE is to these games that are played and how good they are at keeping an open hypothesis.

Our GAL (who made the determination) seemed to be so bent on keeping to his original conclusion that he had to do all kinds of mental gymnastics to ignore the evidence to the contrary.  Hopefully, your CE has better ego strength and is smarter than this.  :-)

[bravhart1]

Is there any way to keep BPDm from learning about meeting? It will surely trigger her to ramp up alienation and try to bring about her victim status.

[Thunderstruck]

The CE is going through a divorce of her own, which looks to be pretty nasty as well. They just got their temp order and the husband is appealing the decision. It's making me nervous. I'm worried that a woman going through a divorce with small children would have a hard time being sympathetic to a father seeking full custody of his child.

I'm trying to be optimistic though. uBPDbm didn't do a very good job of hiding her behavior and there should be a lot of evidence in our favor.

The meeting is today. We haven't told uBPDbm about it yet. We haven't even told SD about it yet.

[bravhart1]

I think you are right to be concerned. I would be too.

I guess all you can do is go forward and see if you ever actually get a report and if you do, if its appropriate. If it's not what you think is accurate then you have  LOTS of reasons to have it thrown out, but with it goes your money. We are all crossing our fingers thunder.

So much stress and strain, I know we are going through  a lot here with it all. I worry sometimes I'll never have a simple easy life again. Hard to find any joy at times, as much as I try. If it's not mom making stuff up, or costing us thousands in court, it's SD herself being a constant discipline problem and destroying our peace at home. We never get a break. I hope you guys are well and that DH is extra good to you. This is no cake walk for a step mom, huh?

[Thunderstruck]

We bit the bullet and told uBPDbm about the appointment. We didn't want to look like we're hiding anything. uBPDbm asked why and we said the CE didn't say why, but we think it's because the CE hasn't seen SD11 since the fall. "no. The custody evaluation has ended. if you refuse to give me an explanation I'll email her and find out for myself."

I wonder what kind of raging email the CE is getting this morning. I'm hoping this won't turn into another reason to cause a delay.

[sanemom]

We bit the bullet and told uBPDbm about the appointment. We didn't want to look like we're hiding anything. uBPDbm asked why and we said the CE didn't say why, but we think it's because the CE hasn't seen SD11 since the fall. "no. The custody evaluation has ended. if you refuse to give me an explanation I'll email her and find out for myself."

I wonder what kind of raging email the CE is getting this morning. I'm hoping this won't turn into another reason to cause a delay.

Hopefully a raging email will serve as a way to cement the CE's not-so-glowing opinion of BPDm

[ForeverDad]

Will uBPDmom have an opportunity to see/influence the children between now and the session?  If no, then I think you're okay and you can ignore the below.  If yes, then I am concerned that the session will be sabotaged with mother's interference, pressuring and disinformation.

What was the reason to tell uBPDmom?  If the CE had wanted others to know, wouldn't CE have done it and included more?  I get the feeling you're leaning over backwards to show how sharing you and DH are when it really hasn't been requested.

For example, if you hadn't said anything and Ex later found out about the session, your defense would be, "It was the CE's request, it was the CE's choice of recipients.  If you felt you should have been included in the communication, then we're not the ones to contact."  Blame deflected.

Also, it's possible the CE was planning to separately contact Ex and ask her to also bring the children in an effort to see if there were any differences in how the children behaved depending on which parent brought the children without either parent knowing/influencing the other parent's session.

[Thunderstruck]

Will uBPDmom have an opportunity to see/influence the children between now and the session?  If no, then I think you're okay and you can ignore the below.  If yes, then I am concerned that the session will be sabotaged with mother's interference, pressuring and disinformation.

What was the reason to tell uBPDmom?  If the CE had wanted others to know, wouldn't CE have done it and included more?  I get the feeling you're leaning over backwards to show how sharing you and DH are when it really hasn't been requested.

For example, if you hadn't said anything and Ex later found out about the session, your defense would be, "It was the CE's request, it was the CE's choice of recipients.  If you felt you should have been included in the communication, then we're not the ones to contact."  Blame deflected.

Also, it's possible the CE was planning to separately contact Ex and ask her to also bring the children in an effort to see if there were any differences in how the children behaved depending on which parent brought the children without either parent knowing/influencing the other parent's session.

The CE has already made comments that SD says one thing when uBPDbm brings her in and another when we bring her in (even before this the CE has also mentioned that she might call CPS for mental abuse due to uBPDbm's coaching, but I don't know if she ever did). Therefore in the fall we had to hire babysitters "neutral parties" to twice pick SD up and take her to the CE.

I don't think the CE asked us on purpose. Our L contacted the CE bugging her about when the report would be finished so she said she'd like to see SD one more time. Our L probably tasked us to bring SD in because we've been cooperative (and uBPDbm has been obstructive).

No, uBPDbm shouldn't be seeing SD today, it's our day. The only way she could influence the meeting is if she threw a big fit and made them cancel the appointment and reschedule to her time. Then we'd probably have to get another "neutral party" to take SD to the appointment and it would mean another delay. Ugh.

uBPDbm gets triggered by these "final" interviews. The last time she escalated our taking away SD's dessert into a huge case of abuse and sent a raging letter to the CE. We got to answer it with our measured, reasonable response. If anything, it makes us look much more even-heeled. Right now uBPDbm is talking about telling the CE that we are "refusing" to let SD contact her.    

Yes, sanemom, this was what DH was expecting so he said "Ok then, let's tell uBPDbm about the appointment. She'll send off a raging letter and it'll remind the CE just how irrational she is."

[Thunderstruck]

Well, today's meeting is completed. Now the CE wants to come by and see our new house sometime this week. (I'm presuming she also will be going to visit uBPDbm's apartment this week as well).

At least things are finally moving.  

[Nope]

Is this going to cost you more money?

I'm going to sit here and bite my tongue. 

[ForeverDad]

I think my CE was one of the least expensive ever mentioned here — about $2850.  Then stbEx filled out the tests in Spanish claiming she didn't know English well enough.  (Um, she was a certified English/Spanish Medical and Legal Interpreter at the time.)  Well, CE didn't question it, he asked the court for an extra month, hired someone to translate her tests, and asked me for an extra $500.

He is a child psychologist and teaches classes at the local university too.  When my lawyer warned me that Court viewed him like God and never contested his evaluations, I had some skepticism but no doubts about myself.  His reputation matched reality, he was that good in his 11 page preliminary report.  Too bad she decided to settle minutes before the trial was to start.  For that reason his final report was submitted to the court but then sealed, never to see the light of day.

[Thunderstruck]

Is this going to cost you more money?

I'm going to sit here and bite my tongue. 

There has been no mention of money yet.

Well, the CE originally said she wanted to visit our house before the end of this week. DH has been calling and calling to schedule the visit. He finally talked to them today and they said they want to see uBPDbm's place and our place on the same day. It's kind of a drive from the CEs office to where we both live now, and we live in the same city so it makes sense. BUT what is this going to be... .you guessed it! Another way for uBPDbm to delay!