Does the guilt ever go away?

[Yaryar87]

Me and my boyfriend made yet another attempt to give our relationship a try.  Everything was going great he was super romantic this time.  One night I'm sleeping over and I wake up to his phone in my face buzzing and it was a pof message.  This created huge distrust in me.  I began having concerns and one night in the bar he drank too much and I wanted to go home because in the past he had left me stranded when drunk.  Me wanting to leave caused him to feel rejected so he ran to the back of the bar without telling me to smoke a joint with another girl.  I find him and this caused more hurt in me.  I was so angry which caused him to break up with me again.  I just feel like maybe if I had been more calm or shown Him more love he would feel better.  I was denying him intimacy which was also upsetting him. How do you handle seeing the person you love talking to other woman. I feel guilty for letting my jealousy make me angry but at the same time I don't think a person who is in a relationship should be flirting with girls online.  When we break up he says he doesn't love me.  He lies to me and says he can't love anyone. Then he comes back to me says he loves me and I see that's he's been online flirting with random woman.  What am I doing wrong. How do you handle healthy boundaries when it comes to cheating and what not.  I feel so stuck. It's been over ten break ups all I layed by him.

[jhkbuzz]

What am I doing wrong.

Why do you think you're doing something wrong? Do you secretly believe that if you magically find one thing you vsn do "right" that he will become a decent, moral human being who is honest and treats you the way you should be treated?

Does seeing that ^ in print give you an inkling of how backwards your thinking is?

The question is, why are you putting up with all of what he's doing wrong?

[Herodias]

Don't feel bad about being upset about him seeing other people! Absolutely not! You could end up like me - married to a cheater who gets another woman pregnant! Think about it... .I was "jealous" in his mind too... .and guess what? I was right. You do not deserve to be treated that way. Stop allowing it. Mine was online too... .and still is! Once a cheater- always a cheater. I didn't believe it when he cheated on his gf with me-I feel like a fool! Now he is doing that with the pregnant gf... .it doesn't stop. Meet someone who has better morals and stick with yours so you stop getting hurt with this person over and over. Been there-done that... .I know the drill. You love him, but he isn't capable of real love for you. Take care of you now before it gets deeper. xo

[Yaryar87]

Jhkbuzz-- yes it does help seeing it in print thank you

And Herodias yes he too made me feel wrong for being jealous.   Don't understand why hey can't acknowledge that flirting with other women is wrong.  I understand that have BPD is a horrible feeling and that they feel unloved so they go through extreme lengths to avoid it but it's hard seeing them flirt with other people. He justifies that his male friends were out there too and it was cold so that's why he was sitting so close to her.  Seems like crazy making.

The BPD feelings and anger I don't mind dealing with.  But the breaking up to flirt with other woman is tough and it seems like a lot of BPD relationships are like this.  If we make an exception because they have a disorder we risk being cheated on or having a rocky relationship and if we leave them because of this I feel guilty walking away just because they have these issues they deal with.