Is it ever beneficial to attempt to contact them a while later?

[Schermarhorn]

I am interested in how this has worked out for other people. From what I have seen, there has been mixed opinions.

What are your thoughts?

[Confused?]

I guess it depends what the reason for contact is, how far along you are in detachment, and how the relationship ended.

With that being said I would never be the one to contact my ex. I have responded to contact attempts yes but when she left two years ago I never contacted her first. Doesn't really answer your question but I haven't posted in awhile and was bored.

[HarleypsychRN]

Schermarhorn,

IMHO, I cannot see the benefit of breaking NC. We know the dynamics of BPD relationships. Your pwBPD may be (for now) in a relationship and you may think... ."oh why couldn't they have that with me?" or believe that you were the problem. In actuality, there is a extremely high probability that even if they are in a relationship, that will fail as well. Go on with your life, heal and be happy.

The calendar changes, they don't"- Unknown

[heartandwhole]

Hi Schermarhorn,

Are you thinking about reaching out to your ex?  

I think there are as many reasons to do that, or not, as stars in the sky. I can tell you that the first time I "took a break" (NC for 3 months) from my relationship with pwBPD, I should have let that be that.

But I didn't! When I contacted him after the 3 months, wanting to be friends (really), I ended up recycling myself right back into a romantic relationship, only this time, the pain of eventually letting go was even worse, because I had been vulnerable and allowed myself to believe in the fantasy AGAIN.

The good news is that I learned a lot about myself.     So, what brought on this question, Schermarhorn? I'm curious.

heartandwhole

[Nuitari]

This is something I've been thinking about a lot as well. I have no desire to contact my ex now or in the forseeable future, but I can see myself doing it years down the road. Our last phone conversation ended very badly. I hung up on her in mid-sentence, and I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to her sense. But it bothers me that, after everything, out last conversation had to end that way. Someday, when I'm feeling up to it, I think I may call her to just end things the right way, just to say goodbye. I don't want her in my life anymore, but if I don't put some closure on that last phone conversation, it'll always haunt me. So I think it all depends on your motif for wanting to break NC. If you're doing it because you want her/him back in your life, I can't see that ending well, as these people only seem capable of playing destructive roles in the lives of others.