pwBPD Friend shutting everyone out

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi guys,

Ive addressed in another topic my current situation with falling for a woman who was a long time friend

I wanted to post another question hoping to understand her behaviour so that i can help or if anyone has seen it before.

So ive watched her systematically shut herself away from people over the last month including myself, im giving her space while she sorts through it. Whatever it is, but im at my wits end i want her to open up to me, to talk to me about whats happening so i can help or at least understand. Shes closed her fb, her instagram, twitter as an example,

I'll send something light, she'll laugh, respond with a question i answer then bang no response.

She told me shes distant because she doesnt want a relationship as she is a terrible person but i find that very hard to beleive.

Is this standard BPD behaviour, pushing everything away (shes about to push me completely away) or is she doing this because she has someone else?

[Pablo333]

Hi guys,

Ive addressed in another topic my current situation with falling for a woman who was a long time friend

I wanted to post another question hoping to understand her behaviour so that i can help or if anyone has seen it before.

So ive watched her systematically shut herself away from people over the last month including myself, im giving her space while she sorts through it. Whatever it is, but im at my wits end i want her to open up to me, to talk to me about whats happening so i can help or at least understand. Shes closed her fb, her instagram, twitter as an example,

I'll send something light, she'll laugh, respond with a question i answer then bang no response.

She told me shes distant because she doesnt want a relationship as she is a terrible person but i find that very hard to beleive.

Is this standard BPD behaviour, pushing everything away (shes about to push me completely away) or is she doing this because she has someone else?

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[Grey Kitty]

Pushing people away like that sounds like typical BPD behavior.

Painting you black, pushing you away, and finding somebody new (who is idealized, mirrored, and painted white) is a possibility, there's no way to know for sure.

That she's pushing everybody else away at the same time would make me guess not.

She told me shes distant because she doesnt want a relationship as she is a terrible person but i find that very hard to beleive.

That's very believable... .and a (relatively) good sign. Most pwBPD believe they are a terrible person, if not all. The "good" part is that she's actually willing to say that to somebody else, instead of hiding it. Many pwBPD aren't even capable of that.

[Pablo333]

Yeah she opened up to me last night about being addicted to drugs a few months back, which i feel is a bit of a step in her feeling ok with me again, i dont really care what shes done in her past but.

However i guess if i were to explain how i feel things are right now is if i don't make the effort this relationship and friends or more is dead in the water, I'm pushing and trying but there isn't much coming back.

If i ask her if she wants to do anything i just get ignored. If i get mad she'll respond, i dont get it at all.

I don't want to go no contact but i feel this is it.

if i do go no contact is it something i should announce or just do it, or i guess just wait for her to be ready is the less needy option .

[Pablo333]

Hi BPDFAM,

I'd like to thank you guys for your efforts to help me through my issue over the last month and a half in this thread and my other one.

Reading the stories here has helped me a lot in realizing what is happening with me and my friend and how she works in certain situations, but i feel lost right now.

the constant ill reply to this but not this ignoring me, im over it. Its ruining who i am, I've decided to sever all contact with her so i can move on, this is very hard and i feel terrible right now as we were very close friends and losing that opportunity at something more though is quite crippling to my emotions.

I've left the door slightly ajar probably in some vain hope of her reaching out to me while im away, but i cant take it and wont take it anymore how it is right now.

Best of luck everyone on here with your situations, ill be around to remind myself why i have done what i have done.

[Pablo333]

Hi all,

Just as a heads up i guess after my time away i kept in touch with her but still it was limited and was generally me engaging her, after a few days i stopped bothering and i think i have moved on, i do have a gift here for her but i dont think i will send it, she doesn't deserve the attention if she wants to push me away thats fine im not going to reward her for it.

Thanks for the advice once again.