Just Got out of A horrific BPD relationship. Need comfort/help.

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I met a girl about 1.5 years ago (she was 21, and I was 28), who was dating a not so much friend. They broke up, and she went right after me. Within 2 days we were having sex and it was moving fast. Here are the major things that happened in the relationship;

-Frequent breakups and triangulating other men. Had constant interactions with ex's and men on facebook/apps.

-Found her with other men / lying about other men.

-Got pregnant said it was from me (doubt it). Got abortion.

-Several times even after abortion would stop taking BC and not tell me.

-Would get so drunk she would be dissociative / full of rage. Accused a mutual friend of rape. (don't know truth but feel like she was lying based on what happened down the road on my list).

-Would randomly shut off get mad, couldn't communicate would disappear, next day would be adoring me like a god.

-Caught her flirting with men on her phone constantly despite living with me and sleeping in my bed at the same time.

-Came home extremely drunk, threatened suicide, assaulted me (first time).

-Would constantly mess with my head when in a "bad phase". I.E tell me she had a dream about having sex with tons of men.

-Took pictures of all my credit cards when out of town.

-Would never respect ANY boundaries.

-It was always about her feelings, and if I asked her to do basic things such as don't talk to other men. She would lash out saying I was controlling her etc.

-Threatened suicide a total of 3 times when I would call her out on her violations of a healthy relationship / respect.

Those are just a few examples. The final straw was after I took her to San francisco for a week vacation. Two days after we got back we were at a party and something triggered her, no idea. She disappeared, walked a mile home, found her sleeping on my doorstep. Proceeded to belittle me then got violent again and tried to destroy everything in my house. I called the cops and video recorded it so I was ok. She later tried to tell the police I raped her, but i had proof she was making it up. Police arrested her and took her to jail for the night.

I filed a restraining order against her. She contacted me through facebook asking if she could "pay me back for the trip" in order to get me to drop the charges, so essentially violated her restraining order to try to bribe me. I just ignored it.

Saw i was hanging out with a new girl, called me 20 times in 2 days and sent me naked photographs to my phone.

Found later she wrote libel about me on my company website. I finally reported her restraining order violations.

She then proceeded to block me on Facebook (I was just ignoring her). I haven't seen or her from her since (which was two weeks ago). She was charged with assault, provocation etc. Not sure what happened with that - all I know is that she has not had to go to jail again after her hearing.

For the first 30 days I felt fine and happy. Now I feel like ___. It's not because I want her back, it's just because of how fuking terrible it all was. It was also because I believed she actually loved me because she Idealized me like no one else.

So now I guess I just wonder what is coming down the road. She did block me on facebook, but I was confused by that because it's redundent. I have full ignored her for a month, so why did she block me? Is she going to charm back and try more things down the road? Should I be worried and what should I expect?

[Wornout12]

I met a girl about 1.5 years ago (she was 21, and I was 28), who was dating a not so much friend. They broke up, and she went right after me. Within 2 days we were having sex and it was moving fast. Here are the major things that happened in the relationship;

-Frequent breakups and triangulating other men. Had constant interactions with ex's and men on facebook/apps.

-Found her with other men / lying about other men.

-Got pregnant said it was from me (doubt it). Got abortion.

-Several times even after abortion would stop taking BC and not tell me.

-Would get so drunk she would be dissociative / full of rage. Accused a mutual friend of rape. (don't know truth but feel like she was lying based on what happened down the road on my list).

-Would randomly shut off get mad, couldn't communicate would disappear, next day would be adoring me like a god.

-Caught her flirting with men on her phone constantly despite living with me and sleeping in my bed at the same time.

-Came home extremely drunk, threatened suicide, assaulted me (first time).

-Would constantly mess with my head when in a "bad phase". I.E tell me she had a dream about having sex with tons of men.

-Took pictures of all my credit cards when out of town.

-Would never respect ANY boundaries.

-It was always about her feelings, and if I asked her to do basic things such as don't talk to other men. She would lash out saying I was controlling her etc.

-Threatened suicide a total of 3 times when I would call her out on her violations of a healthy relationship / respect.

Those are just a few examples. The final straw was after I took her to San francisco for a week vacation. Two days after we got back we were at a party and something triggered her, no idea. She disappeared, walked a mile home, found her sleeping on my doorstep. Proceeded to belittle me then got violent again and tried to destroy everything in my house. I called the cops and video recorded it so I was ok. She later tried to tell the police I raped her, but i had proof she was making it up. Police arrested her and took her to jail for the night.

I filed a restraining order against her. She contacted me through facebook asking if she could "pay me back for the trip" in order to get me to drop the charges, so essentially violated her restraining order to try to bribe me. I just ignored it.

Saw i was hanging out with a new girl, called me 20 times in 2 days and sent me naked photographs to my phone.

Found later she wrote libel about me on my company website. I finally reported her restraining order violations.

She then proceeded to block me on Facebook (I was just ignoring her). I haven't seen or her from her since (which was two weeks ago). She was charged with assault, provocation etc. Not sure what happened with that - all I know is that she has not had to go to jail again after her hearing.

For the first 30 days I felt fine and happy. Now I feel like ___. It's not because I want her back, it's just because of how fuking terrible it all was. It was also because I believed she actually loved me because she Idealized me like no one else.

So now I guess I just wonder what is coming down the road. She did block me on facebook, but I was confused by that because it's redundent. I have full ignored her for a month, so why did she block me? Is she going to charm back and try more things down the road? Should I be worried and what should I expect?

[josephrl82]

My breakup with by BPD is extremely fresh as well.  We had been together a year, were engaged to be married, and she is pregnant with my child.  We split up two weeks ago and 3 days after we split she had a new guy who's staying overnights at her house!

I was also idealized like a god or knight in shining armor!  I was told that she had never even come close to loving someone as much as me!  She is 30 years, and has never been single.

If she was with you 2 day after her previous guy, then it would be safe to assume that she has found another by now.  I wouldn't expect to hear from her until she is lonely and feels that you are her best option at the moment.  Although if she has started idealizing the new guy, it could be a while.  I'm unsure about why she would block you on fb unless she just wanted to get a reaction out of you, or she doesn't want you to see things she is posting about her new man.

[cherryblossom]

  i'd see the block as a blessing so you wont be tempted to look at page and get hurt more. I'm having a bad day today was with mine 2 1/2 years -the confusion r.e the idealization / devaluation push/pull -is immense -and strange when you know it is a pattern of behavior -focus on yourself is best advice I can give 

[iluminati]

Sounds like a wild ride.  Why do you think it's BPD as opposed to some other mental illness? 

That said, you have a restraining order and documented proof of her violent tendencies.  Stay away for your sanity.

[WoundedBibi]

She blocked you on FB because she needs to feel she can control something and that she can. If she does have BPD chances are she will try to recycle you at some point. She already has tried to. Up till now those attempts have failed because you blocked her but someone posted on this board a BPD ex contacted for a recycle after 26 years so you never know.

Yes she did love you. PwBPD love you so much it hurts. Every time they fall in love it feels like that. Because whomever they fall for feels like THE ONE. The one who will end their pain, the one who will make them whole. Until they suddenly don't love you anymore or find out you are not THE ONE. Because you cannot read their mind, feel what they need, understand what they want, want what they want, etcetera.

To prevent ending up in a toxic relationship next time, look out for the  of speed.

A girl that breaks up with a guy and goes after you within 2 days is a major 

It means she can't be alone.

A girl that sleeps with you within 2 days is a major  . It means she has either fallen in love with you too fast (very BPD) or doesn't respect herself (very PD) or puts too much emphasis on sex (very BPD).