Just from my own ex, I can tell you that she makes/made choices that were probably not the best. Were they on purpose? I don't know.
Based on the random steam of thoughts she's shared with me during the time we were together/after, I found her to be stuck in some preteen/teen drama stage. Want to be the martyr, the tragic figure who goes through much in life. There's already an outline she wants to follow: the spinster cat lady. Except, she's "open-minded" about marriage and maybe going back to church, etc. Oh, and also envisioning herself as single mother who sacrifices for her children, etc. and be the beacon of light for her younger siblings. Yeah... .the dysfunctional trying to lead the dysfunctional?
They probably hate how things turned out, but conveniently forget that their actions caused those issues. Selective memory.
What tremendous change it would be if they could just see for one breef moment that they are the victim of their disease foremost, The Martyrdom is something they unconsciously bring onto themselves, and people in their life will always dissappointment them in trying to proove them wrong, cause the disease doesn't allow for happiness to endure. The disease wants something that looks like love, but it destroys it once it becomes real love.